As I was leaving the dentist's office, I received a call from the surgeon's office. "Everything has all been set up," she said in a chipper voice, "but before your surgery, you'll have several other appointments. You'll need to meet with the surgical nurse to make sure you understand all the details of your surgery and during that time, she'll make sure you know how to operate the surgical drains they're going to place in your chest - there will be 4 of them, 2 on each side. You'll have to learn how to drain them several times a day and record the measurements of the fluid from each one. You'll have a pre-op visit at the hospital where they'll do blood work, chest x-rays, an EKG, and lots of paperwork. You'll visit the radiology lab and have radioactive blue dye inserted into both of your breasts, and then...you'll go to the hospital at 6 a.m. (without food or drink) and have your surgery done which will take anywhere from 4 to 6 hours. After that, you'll stay overnight in the hospital for observation." Whew! My head was spinning!
As I continued to drive, I felt a little sorry for myself. The more I drove on, my feeling sorry for myself turning into a full blown pity party! The closer I got to home, the more determined I was to justify my pity party by rewarding myself with something I love....ICE CREAM! So I did. I stopped at the store, went inside and bought a pint of one of my favorite flavors of ice cream, mint chocolate chip. I was so desperate to eat it that I even bought a pack of heavy duty plastic spoons (you know a regular one would break off in the solidly frozen ice cream and I didn't want that to happen!) and got back in my car. I could hardly wait to break open the seal and dig in.
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever faced a myriad of stressful events or problems that plunged you deep into self pity? It's so easy for us to justify having a pity party isn't it? After all, our human logic sets up a scale of internal balances carefully measuring out whether all is right in the world or if we're being slighted. When we feel like we've come up on the short end of the stick, we often exhibit strange behavior...women go on shopping sprees or eating binges, men slam their fists into walls or ram the accelerator down to the floor in frustration and more often than not, we wallow like fat little piggies in the cool, slimy mud of raw self pity.
And we're not alone! We certainly aren't the only ones who've ever enjoyed our own little pity parties. Even in Biblical times, pity parties were prevalent. Look at Elijah! At one of the low moments in his life, he crawled under a broom tree and cried out for God to kill him! "I've had enough," he told the Lord, "take away my life. I've got to die sometime and it might as well be now!" (from the living Bible translation) And then, look at Paul...boy, if anyone had a right to a pity party it was Paul. He'd been beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, emprisoned, starved...wow. But Paul didn't throw himself a pity party. He reacted in totally the opposite way.
Paul learned to be content in his circumstances, whatever they might have been at the time. He said, "Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." And do you know why he was able to say this? It's because God had spoken to him earlier and said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."
I realized several things after I'd eaten that pint of ice cream. First of all, I had just stuffed my feelings! Second, I had just ingested about 300 calories! Third, my having a pity party was a sin. The pity I was feeling for myself was unfounded. Sure, Satan wanted me to justify it and quantify it by weighing out all the unpleasantries that I had recently experienced and would soon experience in the very near future...but God didn't want me to look at things that way. He wanted me to realize that no matter what He allows me to go through, His grace will carry me. He wanted me to understand that yes, it's okay for me to feel weak but when I am feeling that way, His strength is more than I could ask for and it's there to help me through anything.
Oh yes! That mint chocolate chip ice cream tasted divine! It did melt away my sorrows for a few minutes but I realized that God's grace is so much more delectable and it isn't even fattening!
©bonnie annis all rights reserved
"Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day, and sat down under a broom bush and prayed that he might die. “I’ve had enough,” he told the Lord. “Take away my life. I’ve got to die sometime, and it might as well be now." 1 Kings 19:4
"Therefore
I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in privations, in
persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then
am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about
my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
