Monday, Monday! Did you love the Mamas and Papas like I did? Today, I couldn't help thinking about them and their beautiful harmony as I dove right into the day. Monday. The start of a new week. They always seem to come so fast, don't they? It seems that Monday was just here and now it's here again. Oh Monday, Monday.
I've been really sick for the past two weeks with an upper respiratory infection and haven't felt like doing much at all...but today, Monday, I've felt a little better thanks to tons of TLC from my husband, lots of Vitamin C, and essential oils recommended by my daughter, Erin, who's a natural at home health care. I'm so thankful I can breathe again. For days I've had to keep my mouth slightly open just to be able to take in some air and at night, oh boy...I'm sure my mouth was opened wider and I probably snored because of it, poor Phil! But at least my nose isn't dripping like crazy and I can breathe. It's amazing how a little germ can make us feel so horrible, isn't it?
Monday. Today is an up day. The past couple of weeks have been down days just because I wasn't feeling well. It seems I've had a lot of "Yo-Yo" days lately. I don't know if that's really an official term, but I'm going to coin it here because it definitely describes my life. There have been many days where I've been up and many days I've been down...just like a yo-yo on a string. And sometimes, in between the ups and downs, I've just been twirling in a stationary position...
When I was a child, it was rare for me to get gifts from my Daddy. Oh, don't get me wrong...he worked really hard to provide for our family and most of my life he worked 2 jobs just to help make ends meet. But once I remember him giving me a yo-yo. It was one of the toys I'd seen advertised on TV back in the early 1960's. I'd watched in amazement as the seller performed lots of interesting tricks using the yo-yo and thought it would be great to have one of my own, so you can imagine my delight when Daddy pulled a bright red Duncan Imperial Yo-Yo out of his pocket one afternoon after he'd come home from work. He carefully slipped the little loop on his middle finger, and started yo-yoing right in front of my very eyes. I watched intently as the yo-yo went up and down the string. It was mesmerizing! But then, after Daddy had showed me how to do the standard yo-yo up and down traveling, he whisked the string into a triangle position and did something he called "rock the baby." Then, he thrust the yo-yo toward the floor and performed the "walk the dog" trick. I couldn't believe my eyes. My Daddy was a genius! I asked him where he learned how to do those tricks but I don't remember him ever answering me. He just grinned and slipped the toy off of his finger placing it into my palm and said, "Now you try it." It took me forever to figure out how to make it work. I'd get frustrated and run to Daddy to ask him to help me. He'd straighten out the string that I'd gotten all tangled up and then help me wind the yo-yo tightly again and finally...I did it! I was so happy when I was able to get the yo-yo to go up and down the string all by myself. I tried the other tricks but never could get the hang of them. I was so proud of that yo-yo and held onto it for many years.
Sometimes it seems like life is going along just fine, like when a yo-yo is traveling perfectly up and down the string and then other times, it seems like everything gets all screwed up and doesn't work properly, just like the first time I tried to yo-you all by myself. Last week was one of the screwed up weeks. I wasn't feeling well. I could barely breathe. My nose was running and I was coughing all over the place. I had no appetite and I couldn't sleep. I felt terrible and that doesn't even really describe it...but this week,it's a little better.
It's so easy to get discouraged when our health is jeopardized. Feeling physically well attributes greatly to our spiritual and emotional well being. I know for me, when I'm feeling physically well, things just seem to click right into place...everything runs smoothly and I am happy. On the other hand, when I'm feeling poorly...it seems everything goes wrong! Nothing works out and I get so discouraged. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball, go to sleep and never wake up. It would be so easy to do that but I know I can't.
No matter how good or bad I feel, I have to keep pushing through. I have to keep on fighting. I can't let my life be like a yo-yo with constant ups and downs. Those two extremes are not for me. I'd rather be stuck in the middle on an even keel than to be either up or down. The only way I know to balance the up and down days is to keep my focus on God. I've learned that when I am weak, He is strong. I can't always do things in my own power. I have to rely on Him to help me through.
Some days my physical pain gets so bad that I have to really take it easy. On those days, I try to do things that don't require much physical exertion. When the pain gets too bad, I take a pain pill and that helps, but I try not to take them unless I absolutely must. Thank goodness my oncologist knew ahead of time that I might need them!
In just a few days, I'll be another year older and even closer to 60 than I was last year. I've come to the sad realization that my body is slowly wearing out and I can't do the things I used to do any longer. I don't like it. I don't want it, but in the words of my youngest daughter, Jamie, "It is what it is." Oh to be young again and free from bodily aches and pains. Oh to have never been diagnosed with cancer! But it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it.
I have had to catch myself lately though. I've made the mistake of saying, just in general conversation, "I have cancer." I don't claim that any longer! I don't ever want to hear those words come out of my mouth again. "Have" is a present tense verb, but my cancer is in the past. I need to learn to start saying, "I had cancer" and even more appropriately, "I had cancer, but it doesn't have me!" I don't want it to ever be an excuse. I want to continue to live my life as long as I can, as well as I can. Yes, I'm going to have some yo-yo days but I can lick it. I know it's going to take practice and they say practice makes perfect.
Monday, November 30, 2015
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