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Sunday, September 6, 2015

Why did I sign up?

Almost a month ago, while checking my email I came across one from the Susan G. Komen Foundation. It seems the Race for the Cure is coming up soon. I read the email and clicked on a link that took me to their website. As I was reading it, I felt like I needed to sign up and participate in this year's race. Today, as I'm still recovering from surgery, I'm wondering why on earth I did it! Why in heaven's name? Since being diagnosed on June 5, 2014, my life has suddenly become inundated with breast cancer, for lack of a better word, "stuff." I am now and forever more entangled in the web of pink...not at my choosing. It was thrust upon me.

I don't know diddly squat about the Susan G. Komen Foundation other than it's an organization committed to help raise money to fight breast cancer and the name, Susan G. Komen, came from a woman who died of breast cancer. The name, Susan G. Komen, and breast cancer have become practically synonymous due to all the publicity and hype in the media.

So why did I sign up to be a participant in the Race for the Cure? Honestly, I don't know. I think maybe my subconscious took over and it just felt like something I needed to do for me...maybe a right of passage...to prove that I've given all I had to give in the fight...maybe just to prove I'm a survivor, I really don't know.

Another thing I didn't know was that Susan G. Komen expects each race participant to raise money for the campaign. (No, I didn't read all the fine print before signing up. I'm a jump right in and ask questions later kinda girl.) We're each supposed to raise $150.00. That's not a lot of money if you have friends and family who'll sponsor you, but if you don't have folks to get behind you and dish out their money, you're not going to make the fundraising goal. So, since I signed up myself to walk as a survivor, and my husband to walk as a support person for me, we've got to raise $300. To date, I'm almost there. I've raised $110 through some sweet friends, but I haven't met my goal. He's only raised $50.

It's going to cost us a good chunk of change to participate in the race. We have to drive 3 hours to Macon, Georgia, and stay in a hotel overnight. We'll also be eating out along the way. My click happy fingers didn't think about all of that when I subconsciously decided to participate. We've also had to pay registration fees that would cover the cost of our t-shirts and caps.

So, all in all, this race, while for a great cause, has cost me a lot personally. I lost 2 breasts to participate. I've been fighting for the past year and a half to get through surgeries and treatment. And yes, I'm finally at the point where I proudly can claim the title "Breast Cancer Survivor," but do I need to walk in a 5K to prove it? Not really. And did I need to fork out a lot of hard earned cash...well, no.

I don't think I really NEED to walk a 5K to prove anything to anybody, but, for some reason, this walk will validate all I've been through. It will throw me into a situation where I'm surrounded by other breast cancer survivors and will probably make me face a lot of emotions I haven't dealt with yet.

I'll admit it. I'm scared. I don't know why I signed up. I don't even know if I'll be fully healed by the time the race comes around the end of this month. I haven't been training for it. I'm not ready but by the grace of God, somehow, someway, I'll make myself do it. One foot in front of the other in a sea of pink, I'll walk. I may not make record time but I'll cross that finish line. And when I do, I'm sure it will be emotional. There's no way it couldn't be. This past year and a half have been the hardest days of my life.

Do you know what I really think happened, I think God guided my hand toward the link because He knew it was something I needed to do. In any event, it's done. I can't back out now. I guess it will be one more thing I can cross off my bucket list and I'm thankful I'll have my sweet hubby right by my side.

Donate to my Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Campaign here

Donate to my hubby's Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Campaign here

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