Disclaimer

It has become necessary for me to put a disclaimer on my blog. Perhaps I should have done this at the very beginning, but I didn't think it was necessary. I have received several complaints over my content and the way several posts have been written bringing me to this point. I would like to say, to the majority of my faithful readers, this does NOT apply to you. This disclaimer is aimed specifically at those who are eager to find fault, cause dissension, and are malicious in their intent. They do not seem to grasp the concept that this blog is my own private web log....a journal of my thoughts and feelings created for my own personal well being. It has always been my hope that my blog might provide some good practical information, some shred of hope, some tiny bit of encouragement, or help someone else along their own breast cancer journey. With all of that being said, here is my disclaimer:

Terms of Use

This policy is effective immediately and will continue to be valid as long as this blog remains on the internet. The reading of all information on http://journeyintopink.blogspot.com is of your own free will. 

If you do not accept these Terms and Conditions, you should stop reading this website immediately. If you wish to continue, do so at your own risk. I reserve the right to change any of these Terms and Conditions at any given time. As I am quite an unpredictable and restless person, please check back often. 

Even though I work very hard to provide you with up-to-date information, I make no representations or warranties of any kind (expressed or implied) about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability of any information, products, services or related graphics contained on this blog for any purpose.

I aim to provide you with accurate information at the time of publishing, but some information will understandably be less accurate as time passes. Should you find any inaccurate information, please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Copyright Policy

Unless otherwise noted, I, Bonnie Annis, am the legal copyright holder of all written material on this website and it may not be used, reprinted, (partially) modified or published without my written consent. A link to http://journeyintopink.blogspot.com must appear in all copies of any photography or content.

Guest bloggers and other contributors to journeyintopink.blogspot.com are responsible for their own submitted material on my website. The opinions expressed by any Third Parties are their own and do not necessarily represent the position or beliefs of journeyintopink.blogspot.com.

Hold Harmless

All the information provided on journeyintopink.blogspot.com is for general information and entertainment purposes only and is the expressed opinion of myself, Bonnie Annis. I am not providing any medical, legal, or professional advice. You are taking all the provided information at your own risk. 

Under no circumstances will I be liable for any loss or damage (including without limitation indirect or consequential loss or damage) or any loss or damage whatsoever arising from loss of data or profits arising out of or in connection with the use of this website. I cannot be held responsible for any offense taken due to translation, interpretation or mistakes in grammar and/or punctuation of my website’s content. I am human. Forgive me.

Although I try to keep journeyintopink.blogspot.com running 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, access to the site may be temporarily or permanently suspended and without notice at my own discretion, due to possible updates or technical issues beyond my control. I will not be liable if for any reason the website is unavailable at any time or for any period of time. I will try to get the website back online as soon as possible. Or as soon as I feel like it.

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Any personal and/or contact information provided to me will be kept private. You will not be spammed in any way, and I will not sell or disclose your information to any other companies.

I am not responsible for the privacy practices of any of my blog commenters.

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I, Bonnie Annis, from journeyintopink.blogspot.com, reserve the right to change the focus of the blog, to shut it down, sell it, or change the terms of use at my own discretion. I also reserve the right to edit or delete any comments submitted to journeyintopink.blogspot.com without notice due to: comments deemed to be spam or questionable spam, comments including profanity, comments containing language or concepts that could be deemed offensive, comments that attack a group or person individually, or just because I feel like it. 

Letters to the Editor

Any letters, e-mails, blog comments, responses on Social Media platforms such as Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter, or questions written directly to me may be used to share with my blogging audience unless specifically requested otherwise. (Part of) these letters or emails, questions or any other feedback may be used in newsletters, blog posts, columns or up-and-coming books. 

Thank you so much for visiting my website and don’t forget to enjoy yourself!

Bonnie Annis

Health challenges

It's a rainy day in Georgia...a cold, dreary, dismal day. In just a few minutes, I'll be leaving for the Cardiologist's office to have my heart monitor attached. This will be the fourth time I've gone to a doctor's office and come home looking like a suicide bomber. Dr. Mitchell, my Cardiologist, is hoping to discover what's causing all the PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) I've been having lately. The PVC's are a daily occurrence and have become so commonplace, I hardly notice them any longer. When they first started, I always felt like my heart was tap dancing in my chest and it scared me. Now I barely pay attention to them at all.

I've been on the Arimidex for 3 days now and so far, I haven't noticed any side effects other than some joint pain and headaches. In a month, I'll return to the Oncologist for a check up and to let him know what side effects have been troublesome. I'm hoping I don't experience any of the major side effects like bone fractures and mental changes. I'd like to remain in control of my faculties and I don't relish the idea of walking down a hallway and suddenly fracturing my hip.

The girls never made it out of the driveway. If you read my last post, you'll know that I had planned to wear my prostheses on Saturday. I had them on and we were about to pull out of the driveway when I made my husband stop the car and let me get out. They were just too heavy and I couldn't stand the pressure on my chest. I ran inside and removed Thing 1 and Thing 2, hastily throwing my mastectomy bra on the bed. What a relief to be rid of those cumbersome things!

The holidays are just around the corner and I've been hopeful that my family would rally around and support me by deciding to come and give thanks for all God has done this year, but my hopes were dashed today when Jamie told me that she was the only one coming to celebrate with us. I am heart broken to have a fractured family but it is what it is. I will celebrate anyway...with or without them. God has blessed me so much this year and for that I am extremely grateful.

In my quiet time this morning, God took me to Psalm 46. He keeps sending me there and showing me the words "be still and know." This morning, I did a word study on the word "still" in both Greek and Hebrew. It was amazing to find that the word means to release or let go...to surrender. I've been trying to carry my burdens alone for such a long time. God has been working on my heart and reminding me that He is in control and I am not. He wants me to open my hands...loosen my grip...and let everything fall out of them. With empty hands, I can receive what He wants to give me. I am overwhelmed and grateful...

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

 

Taking the girls out

For months and month's they've been waiting, waiting to be taken out...my girls. Patiently they've lain in their little pink pill boxes on my dresser. I've seen them every day, but have paid them no mind. It wasn't time...but today, they're getting to go out! They'll have a trial run.

I was scared to pick them up. Before even going over to their boxes, I began to cry. I told my husband I didn't know if I could do this. He was so sweet to hold me in his arms and say, "if you can't, don't. No one will know. No one needs to be looking at your chest anyway." I stood close to his warmth for a few minutes letting him console me and and then I moved away. I wiped the tears from my eyes and determined that I was going to do this. 

My prostheses, I'll call them Thing 1 and Thing 2 (thank you Dr. Seuss), are so heavy. As I lift Thing 1 and hold her in my hands, I'm overcome with emotion. This pinkish, silicone breast form feels cold and squishy between my fingers. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my head saying, "Be careful with your new breasts," the woman at the fitting salon had told me; "never let them get damaged or punctured because if they do, they'll leak silicone all over the place and these things cost a fortune to replace." I took Thing 1 and gently slipped her into my lace lined Mastectomy bra. She looked lonely as she lay there facing down. I took Thing 2 out of her little pink pill box and held her in my hand. She was her sister's twin. I slipped Thing 2 gently into her little pocket on my bra and stood there holding the bra by the shoulder straps for a long time. I looked at it from all angles. The bra was very heavy with both girls in tow. I didn't know if I could do this.

I went into the bathroom and locked the door. Why I locked it, I don't really know. My husband was the only other person in the house. I guess I didn't want him to walk in and see me trying on this new Mastectomy bra...it would be so embarrassing. I slipped one arm and then the other into the bra. It felt awkward and unnatural. I hadn't worn a bra in 4 months. I felt like such a rebel. I hadn't need to wear one. My chest had been so raw and so painful from surgery and radiation that I would never have dreamed of even trying to put one on...but today was different.

Reaching back, I struggled to hook the bra in place. I remembered the first time I'd ever worn a bra. I was 8 and it wasn't a real bra anyway...it was a training bra...a little lace, spandex slip of fabric my mother had purchased to make me feel better because all my friends at school were getting their little breast buds and they were getting new bras. I didn't have any. I was flat as a pancake, but still, she wanted me to fit in. She wanted me to feel like the rest of the girls felt. She had to help me fasten the hook and eye closure back then...how I wished she were here to help me fasten this one now. Finally I managed to hook first one and then the other of the two hooks on the clasp. I took Thing 1 in my hand and adjusted her to a more normal position. I did the same thing with Thing 2. Stepping back from the mirror, I glared at myself. This was the first time the girls had been in "go" position. I took my hands and gently gave them a squeeze. I needed to see how they would feel if someone accidentally bumped into me. They had to pass the "real boobie feeling test." Silicone is a great thing, I thought, as I squeezed them a little harder. Yes, they passed.

Into the closet I went to see if I could find a shirt that would be comfortable. Not only did I need one that buttoned all the way up the front, but I also needed one that would fit over my Lymphedema sleeves. Such a dilemma! I tried on several shirts before finding a red plaid one that worked. I buttoned it up and went back to look at myself in the mirror. No one would know they weren't real! I turned sideways and checked...pretty good!

I looked at the clock and it was almost 11:00. We needed to leave soon. "Okay, girls," I said, "it's time to go." I gave them a little shift and slipped on my coat. "It's cold outside...are you ready?" of course they didn't answer back, but with falsies, at least I know they won't react to the cold weather in a tale tell way like real breasts do! And if they start to get too heavy later in the day, I'll just slip off my bra and throw it into the back seat. At least I have that option.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

What Cancer has taught me

Cancer is a great teacher and while I never thought I would be one of her students; I have become very astute in her class on life lessons. Today, I'd like to share some of those lessons with you.

God loved me enough to allow cancer into my life. It is for His purposes and to teach me things I never would have learned had it not come my way.When I first got cancer, I prayed and said, "God, why me?" His reply was "why not you?" That allowed me to understand He had personally chosen cancer to bless my life. 

Control is an illusion. I have no control over anything. Everything is in God's hand. In a heartbeat, my entire world was turned upside down. When I heard the words, "you have cancer" I realized all those moments I thought I was in control of my life were just lies. I've never been in control and I never will be.

Trials come to teach us. They help us gain new perspectives. In the midst of a trial, it seems to be a huge nuisance but looking back over it, we can find lessons we learned. Cancer has been the biggest trial I've ever faced. Although I've completed my radiation treatments, I still have other treatments and therapies ahead. Each of those will present their own set of trials but I'm sure as I look back upon them, I'll see things that God was teaching me. "Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 (Amplified Version of the Holy Bible)

Love openly and well. Cancer has taught me that love is the most important thing we can ever give someone else. I am intentional about telling my friends and family I love them. I want them to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are important to me. "But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.: 1 Corinthians 13:13 (New American Standard Bible)

People are important. Every single person that comes into your life is there for a reason. They may only cross your path for a short time, but they are there to either teach you something or for you to teach them something. God chooses who comes and goes in our lives. I believe He handpicks them! God has brought various people into my life since my cancer diagnosis. It's been amazing to see the people He's chosen to reach out to me. He's used complete strangers to encourage me and lift me up. He's used old friends and coworkers to pray for me. He has known exactly what I have needed at exactly the right time. I am so thankful He uses others to be His hands and feet. 

Worry has no power over me. I used to worry all the time. My husband called me a worry-wart. I finally learned that worrying solved nothing and that old saying, "worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere" is so true. All worrying does is rob you of precious time. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34 (The Holy Bible)

Death is not as scary as it used to be to me. The Bible says my life is like a vapor and a vapor doesn't last very long. When faced with cancer, you learn to be firm in your faith. You really come to understand that this is just our temporary home and we are just passing through. My home is in eternity with God. I'm not afraid of dying because I know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:14 (New International Version of the Holy Bible)


Life is not about me. It's about others. Enough said.

I've learned to be a gracious receiver. When life throws huge health trials your way, you learn quickly that you have physical limitations. It's important to learn when we refuse to accept help, we can be robbing someone of a blessing. When someone offers to do something for you, graciously accept. That old saying "it is more blessed to give than to receive" is very true.  "In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35 (New American Standard Version of the Holy Bible)

I have learned to seek and find joy. I have learned to look for joy in simple things. The way my husband's eyes twinkle when he smiles at me...the sweet dimples in my granddaughter's hand..the way the leaves flutter to the ground...joy is all around us.

I've learned it's okay to cry and that my feelings matter. I used to be ashamed to cry in front of someone. I would always hold my feelings in until I could go to a private place and let them out. Now I've learned that it's okay to cry. Crying is an emotional release of deep pain. I've also learned that God holds my tears precious in His sight. In the Bible it even says He stores our tears up in His bottle. That tells me that He counts every tear I cry as precious. "You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8 (New King James Bible)

I get tired more easily. I’ve learned to honor the feeling of tiredness and act on it. In the past I pushed and pushed, knowing that I could push past my limits and succeed. Now I know that if I push I will fall, so I try to not run faster than I can walk. I am learning to go to bed early, to relish the times I can sleep in, and to not feel guilty about needing a nap or saying “no.”

 I'm slower. I'm not as fast as I once was, I've slowed way down.The every day stranger wouldn’t notice, but I do, and my family does. I don’t pack as much into my day, I don’t rush through things. I’m more deliberate in my movements and actions.

I'm more mindful. I pay attention to the feeling the bristles of my toothbrush on my teeth, feeling the sand under my feet, noticing the sunrises, and sunsets. I smell my grandbabies, watch them puzzle over how to do things, enjoy the silence in my car, and feel the sweat on my back as I exercise. In my awareness I recognize how truly blessed I am.

I am stronger than I think I am. I have learned that I am more powerful than ever. I have become an overcomer. I have fought battles I never thought I could win and I have been brave.

I am more patient now. I used to be very impatient with myself and with others. My 2015 slogan is going to be "don't sweat the small stuff." Because honestly, getting worked up over people and situations just really isn’t where I want to be spending my energy. So when I feel irritation or frustration coming on, I will step back, flip my hands in the air, and say, “It just doesn’t matter.” I will choose to let things go and when I do, I will feel such freedom.

Prayer is key to everything. I've always known this but it became even more real lately. I can pray at any moment of any day and I know God hears me. He is always ready to listen to my heart. I can share anything, absolutely anything, with Him. He does not judge me. He does not condemn me. He merely loves me. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I'm more forgiving. The Bible tells me that I'm to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. The softer-side of Bonnie has come forward. I want to hold, cuddle, kiss, caress, whisper words of truth to those around me. I want to say, “I love you.”I want to overlook faults and dismiss shortcomings. I'm learning to be more Christlike. "And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32 (Amplified Bible)

I've learned to live in the moment. Don't focus on tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year! Pay attention to exactly where you are right now and live in that precise moment. Cancer has taught me no longer to be a long range planner. Now I focus on what's happening this minute and I soak up every single second of that minute.

I've learned to prioritize. I've learned to think about things that are really important to me and the other things fall. Let it be. Let it go. Let it fall. And things will be okay...

I've learned to be purpose driven - I've learned to live my life with purpose. To focus on living my life fully. To go where God leads and do what He says do without hesitation, without question, without delay.

My identity is not tied up in my disease. I am not my breast cancer. It does not define me.

Multi-tasking is a thing of the past. I used to be a great multi-tasker. Every job I held demanded it. I had to learn to juggle 5 or 6 balls at one time not only in my workplace, but also in my home. Now that I'm older and I've gone through all these treatments, I just can't do it any longer. I find I am much better at doing one thing at a time and doing it well. It was hard to admit I can no longer write my blog, talk on the phone, and text my daughter all at the same time. I used to do those things so easily.

I forget things. Whether it's a sign of aging or results from medication or treatment, I don't really know...but I am not as sharp as I used to be. I find that making lists help me remember. I seem to be sharpest first thing in the morning so that's when I compile my lists. When I do forget something, I don't beat myself up over it. I just laugh and write it down on tomorrow's list of things to do.
Those are just a few of the things cancer has taught me. I'm sure I will learn many more valuable lessons in the future. It's amazing to me the depth of understanding that has come since my illness and even though I'm sharing these valuable life lessons with you, you probably won't truly understand them until some debilitating disease or tragedy touches your life. My hope is that you will take away something from this post...something that will cause you to think or re-evaluate your life before that time comes.

If I had to sum things up in just a few sentences, I would say this to you - "Be intentional in the way you live and love. Let go of the small things and always be ready to forgive. Embrace life and live it to the fullest. If you look for joy, you will find it."

Having breast cancer has not been easy, but it has changed me. It has changed me in ways I could never believe. For the last 8 months, I've been on a roller coaster of self discovery. God has shown me things about myself that I didn't like as well as things I loved. I have felt His hands upon me molding me and shaping me into a beautiful vessel for His use. I'm still not finished yet, but I can't wait to see what He does in my life in the days ahead. 

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

The canvas reveals something deeper

Months ago, a friend of mine gave me a stack of blank canvases that she'd received as a donation from Michael's. She had the entire trunk of her car filled with craft supplies and told me that every time she visited her local craft store, they loaded her up. She laughed and exclaimed that her bald head must have something to do with it; you see, she had breast cancer too.

Yesterday, I was in a creative mood. I saw the stack of blank canvases lying on the table in my office and picked up a few of them. Grabbing my acrylic paints and brushes, I carried everything into the kitchen and spread them out on the table. The blank canvases stared at me for a long time. They were so plain and so white. As I sat there looking back at them, I wondered what I should paint. Glancing out the window, I received my inspiration. Beautiful trees surrounded our property and the colors of Fall were at their peak. The yellows, reds, oranges, greens, and browns were stunning. That's it, I thought to myself, I'll paint a tree.

I don't really consider myself an artist, but art has been good therapy for me since I've been recovering. As I paint, knit, crochet, or sew, I can lose myself in my crafting. I don't focus on anything other than what I'd doing at the time. I can be creative and express myself.

The canvases were small 11x14 sizes, so I decided to use 3 canvases to create a picture collage. On the first canvas, I lay down my background color and then switched over to the next canvas. I put a different background color on each canvas, then stepped back to see if they were pleasing to the eye. I liked the complimentary colors of the three canvases and went to work painting half of the tree on one canvas and half on another canvas. I did not purposely try to make the halves of the tree symmetrical, but after completing the sides of the tree, they were almost mirror images of one another. I added details to the tree bark and slipped in multicolored leaves. I was enjoying myself as I became lost in what I was doing. The third canvas, with a deep burgundy background,  would hold the roots to the tree. I decided to turn the canvas sideways so it fit nicely under the grouping of the other two canvases. As I began to paint the roots, the darkness of the tangled roots began to grow taking up almost the entire canvas.

I continued to brush in the roots of the tree and as I was working, a Scripture in Hebrews came to mind. This happens to me quite often and sometimes, I wonder if anyone else has the same thing happen to them. "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord. Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." (Hebrews 12:14-15). The mass of tangled roots were ugly and dark. Just like the seed of bitterness can be in someone's life.

The seed of bitterness...what exactly were they? As I thought more about it, I realized that a seed of bitterness comes directly from a hurt that has been harbored deep in the heart. The hurt could have been something done intentionally to a person, or it could have been something done unintentionally but in any event, the hurt was there...and the longer the hurt was left unattended, the more it would fester and grow. It would germinate.

I looked at my painting. The lovely Fall colors were so vibrant and pretty. The tree looked so sturdy and strong, but then there were the ugly roots...roots of bitterness. Did I have any roots of bitterness growing in my heart? I thought about the roots. Roots are underground and they are hidden from view. If I beheld any bitterness in my heart, it wouldn't be visible to anyone else unless they saw evidence of it. I could have roots of bitterness festering deep inside myself and no one would ever know unless I allowed the bitterness to overflow from my heart by anger, hurtful words, or hatefulness.

The more I stood there, the more I thought. Yes, I'd been hurt by many people in my life. Had I forgiven them all? Did I know my heart well enough to be able to say yes? No, I didn't. The Bible says the heart is deceitfully wicked, who can know it? The only way I could know clearly if I held any bitterness in my heart was to ask God to reveal it to me. If He revealed anything to me, the next thing I'd need was His grace to remove the hurt and bitterness. I knew I wouldn't be able to remove it myself.

Was I angry at God? Had I allowed a root of bitterness to form in my heart at God? I was hurt and angry that He'd allowed cancer into my life but I'd come to terms with it, or so I thought. Had I truly accepted God's sovereignty over my life?

I don't think it was a coincidence that I had painted this tree with the massive root system. I've been reading the book, The Bait of Satan, by John Bevere, and in that book, Mr. Bevere helps his readers understand the way Satan uses offenses to cause us to fall into the sin of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness and bitterness go hand in hand. Was God trying to emphasize something to me?

As I finished up my painting and washed my brushes clean, I could almost hear God whisper to my heart, "You have some roots of bitterness you need to deal with, my child." I put my art supplies away and took my Bible from the shelf. I read Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I know in the next few days, He will reveal to me any unforgiveness or bitterness I've harbored. When He does, I'll intentionally forgive and release those hurts from my heart. I'll allow His perfect grace and mercy to flood my soul and cleanse it, replacing the hurt with His love. 

It's so important to forgive quickly. When I was first married, my great Aunt gave me a set of sheets as a wedding gift. Along the top edge of the sheets she had written, " Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Ephesians 4:26. I'll never forget how I felt when I first saw those sheets. They were a beautiful, pale shade of sun-kissed yellow. Though it's been almost 40 years since I unfolded her sweet gift and placed them on my bed, I can still see her beautiful penmanship in my mind. What a sweet reminder to always be quick to forgive and slow to anger. In so doing, we can keep those little seeds of bitterness from ever taking root in our heart. 

I glanced down at the 3 canvases lying on my kitchen table. I'd completed my collage and I was pleased. It amazes me how God can use the simplest of things to speak to my heart on a daily basis. He used those roots to illuminate my heart. Do you have any unconfessed hurts or roots of bitterness in your heart today? You can't discover them on your own. The only way you can know is to ask God to reveal them to you. When He does, be quick to forgive, forget, and release those harbored hurts into His loving arms of grace. You don't want your heart to ever hide roots of bitterness. Even one tiny root can cause great devastation and destruction in your life. 

Evidence of a root of bitterness include hypersensitivity, a critical spirit, holding grudges, inability to forgive, mood swings, and even depression. A root of bitterness will affect you not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." (Ephesians 4:31) Bitterness is like an acid slowly destroying the container that holds it. Don't let bitterness take root in your heart. If someone hurts you, quickly forgive them. Sometimes they may not even know they hurt you, so be sure to check your spirit. Don't give Satan the bait to allow you to hold onto an offense. When you release the offender and let it go, you free yourself too.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Any act of kindness is never small

There's a tube of medicated Chapstick sitting on the nightstand beside my bed. It's been there for the past four months, and it's there to remind me of an act of kindness, one I received when I needed it most.

I had just been wheeled into my room, still groggy from anesthesia. For the past few hours, I'd been in the recovery room sleeping. It takes me a long time to wake up after surgery. The nurses had constantly come to rouse me and each time they did, I'd wake for a few minutes and then fall immediately back asleep. This cycle continued until they were able to sit me upright and have me remain conscious for more than a few minutes. My family was already in the room anticipating my arrival.

Things are still fuzzy in my mind about that day, but I do remember several family members surrounding me. Speaking was difficult because my throat was so dry. After a few sips of water, I finally found my voice. I answered the usual caring questions, "how are you feeling?" or "do you need anything?" It was nice to see familiar faces and to know they loved me enough to come. I must have dozed in between questions because one minute the room was full of people and the next minute it was almost empty. But there is one thing I remember vividly.

My lips were so dry and parched. I kept trying to lick them to moisten them but it wasn't working. I remember making a comment about how dry my lips were and that's when my daughter in law said she had a Chapstick that might help. She pulled it out of her purse and gave it to me. I'll never forget that small act of kindness. The medicated Chapstick felt so soothing as I applied it to my lips. Within just a few seconds, I felt revived. She didn't realize it at the time and neither did I, but that small act of kindness taught me so much.

I was able to go home from the hospital a day later. When we arrived, my husband helped arrange all of the bandages and medical supplies on the bathroom counter so I could reach them easily. As we unpacked my overnight bag, we tossed the clothes into the washer and put away the other items. Deep in the inside pocket of my bag was the little tube of Chapstick. I took it out and held it in my hands. That little tube held such great importance to me. Not only had the medicated wax soothed my cracked and parched lips, but it had soothed my soul as well. I had needed the Chapstick and my daughter in law had given it to me freely. She had blessed me and I don't even think she realized how much that unselfish act had touched my heart.

One of Aesop's famous sayings is " no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." That saying is so very true. In my case, the simple act of my daughter in law being willing to part with her tube of Chapstick spoke volumes to me. It meant that she had seen my need and cared enough to help meet it. She had put her love into action. She had shown me kindness. Her kindness was intentional.

That little tube of Chapstick will stay on my nightstand for a long time. It's there to remind me to be kind to others...to be intentional in showing love...to never forget kindnesses done to me. "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." Yes, it is true. She didn't have to give me her new Chapstick. She could have kept quiet and let me struggle with parched, dry lips...but she didn't. She chose to sacrifice. She chose to love. You may be thinking that I'm making a big deal out of nothing but to me, it was a really BIG deal.

When we see a need and help to meet it, we show the love of Christ. A good example is found in the book of Luke. The story of the good Samaritan shows how love was put into action in a Christlike manner. In the story, the Samaritan went out of his way to go above and beyond the call of duty...he not only cleaned and bandaged the man's wounds, but put him up in an inn until he could come back through town and check on him. He paid the innkeeper for the man's lodging and also paid him for taking care of the man while he was away.

That gift of a soothing balm was a small act of kindness, one that could have been easily overlooked by many. I choose to be reminded of it daily and that's why I keep the Chapstick right beside my bed. It's the first thing I see when I wake up each morning and it reminds me to always make my words and my actions intentional. Kindness and love go hand in hand. Don't ever think that one small gesture of kindness is too small to share. You never know how it may impact someone's life for years to come.

Look for ways to show love by being kind. Random acts of kindness are the most fun for me. I love looking for little ways to bless others. There are many ideas on the internet if you need help planning ways to help others. Here's one: http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas
If you aren't quite ready to step out and show kindness to others, take a day to just record every kind deed done to you in one day. You'll be surprised by the number of small kindnesses that come your way. Perhaps someone will hold open a door for you or send you an encouraging email...if you look, you'll find them! As we become kindness seekers, we'll also become kindness sharers. Kindness is contagious. Try it and you'll see!

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

The Parable of the Good Samaritan 
²⁵ On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
²⁶ “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
²⁷ He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’^[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b]”
²⁸ “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
²⁹ But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
³⁰ In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹ A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. ³² So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³ But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴ He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵ The next day he took out two denarii^[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
³⁶ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
³⁷ The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” Luke 10:25-37 New International Version