MRI day

Today I had to have another MRI on my spine. I'm hoping for good results. Last time they saw a spot at L5 that was almost surely cancerous. Three radiologists saw and confirmed it was spreading cancer, but when I was sent for a PET scan followup, nothing was there! I am confident that was the result of much prayer and I praise God for it! I've been having a lot of mid to upper back pain and my radiation oncologist wanted to have it checked out...therefore another MRI. I guess the first 5 years after a cancer diagnosis, the doctors are always on edge.

The technician at the hospital was so short! It's rare for me to ever find anyone shorter than I am and I was a whole head taller than she was. She was so sweet and so kind. I was thankful for that. I was also thankful that I'd remembered to take 1/2 a Xanax before going for the test. I get so claustrophobic in those little tubes. Piedmont Newnan doesn't have the open MRIs like they do in Atlanta, but boy, I wish they did.

I put my things in a locker and Nancy, the short MRI tech, gave me the key. We walked up to the machine and she helped me lie down on the platform. She placed a large wedge under my knees and asked me if that helped relieve some of the pressure from my back. I told her it did. Then she fastened some sort of contraption over my chest, chin and head. She said it would help me remain still. I hadn't ever had that done before and it made me feel a little leary. I tried to relax as she handed me the foam ear plugs to insert in my ears. I'd forgotten how loud those metal marble things are in the MRI tube. Nancy patted me on the leg and said I'd be in the tube about 30 minutes. I prayed the time would go by fast.

As I slid into the tube, panic set in. The walls of the MRI were touching my sides and there wasn't much clearance over my head. With the restraint contraption on too, I felt like I couldn't move even if I needed to and I didn't like it. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. As I began to pray, the metal balls started whirring around me and the MRI machine was doing its thing.

The test seemed to take FOREVER! At one point I felt like I couldn't breathe because there was no air circulating in the tube. That was a very uncomfortable feeling. Nancy slid me out of the tube at one point and I thought the process was over, but it wasn't. She immediately slipped me back in...DARN! I closed my eyes again and tried to think of song lyrics that had a beat similar to the bopping metal balls.

Finally, I was ejected from the MRI machine. I was SOOOO VERY THANKFUL to be out of that narrow space. I sat on the table for a few minutes as I allowed my blood pressure to calm down. Removing the ear plugs, I told Nancy I appreciated her being so kind to me. She smiled and said she appreciated me being such a nice patient. Kindness does matter.

When I walked back out into the reception area, I saw the waiting room filled with people. It looked like Nancy was going to have a busy day. I'm glad that test is finally over. In a few days, I should get the results. I'm praying they come back clean as a whistle. The next test I have lined up is an EGD. At least I'll be sedated for that one!

I'm thankful for medical technology and all the various ways doctors can perform tests to look at our insides. It's amazing how things keep advancing for the better. I had a friend ask me today how long I've been in remission and I didn't know what to tell her. I haven't had a single doctor in the past 18 months tell me that I was in remission...that's something I'm definitely going to bring up at my next appointment.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

PET SCAN

Today, I had my very first P.E.T. scan. I was nervous about it because I didn't know what to expect. As always, when I don't have all the information I need, I GOOGLE.

Google says: A positron emission tomography (PET) scan is an imaging test that allows doctors to check for disease in your body. The scan uses radioactive tracers in a special dye. These tracers are injected into a vein in your arm and are then absorbed by your organs and tissues. When highlighted under a PET scanner, the tracers allow doctors to see how well your organs and tissues are working. The PET scan is able to measure blood flow, oxygen use, glucose metabolism (how your body uses sugar), and much more.

My sweet Laura had come over last night with Heather. Since my appointment was for 10:00 a.m. she figured it would be wise to come spend the night so we could get up early and make the appointment on time. I know it's a huge sacrifice for Laura to pack up all of Heather's things and come over here. It disrupts their schedule and their family time, but never once has Laura complained. She's a real trooper.

We got up early this morning, showered, and they had breakfast. I was instructed not to eat anything before the test. I hadn't had anything since last night at 6 p.m. when I drank a protein shake and I was famished, but I knew if I broke even one of the rules that had been given to me in preparation for the test, I'd be back at square one.

About 9:15 a.m. Laura began loading up the car. She had to transfer Heather's car seat into my car and make sure it was in securely. Finally we got on the road and headed toward Sharpsburg. When we arrived at the Piedmont Medical building, I checked in and began filling out paperwork.

Soon a nurse called me back and Laura took Heather to do a little shopping while they waited on me. I had to have my finger pricked so they could check my blood glucose level. If it was too high, they wouldn't be able to administer the test. Mine was fine and I was told I'd get the radioactive glucose formula in a few minutes.

Another nurse came down the hall wearing a lead shield. She was pushing a small table with a lead cylinder on it. When she stopped in front of the lab, she careful opened the lead cylinder and removed the radioactive infusion. It was so strange...like something out of a Sci-Fi movie, an antidote for some deadly disease.

The lab nurse found a vein in my arm and inserted a saline flush. After the saline had flushed freely through the vein, she inserted the radioactive material. While she was doing it, she said, "now don't you worry. This won't make you feel differently at all." So I took her at her word and just relaxed. When she was done, the nurse led me to a "quiet room."

The quiet room was a very small room with a recliner, a small lamp, and a call button in it. The nurse helped me into the recliner and adjusted my feet and head the way I wanted them then brought in a heated blanket. She told me I'd have to sit there for 45 minutes and while I was sitting, I wasn't supposed to do a thing. Well...I cheated. I couldn't help but slip out my cell phone and take my very first radioactive selfie shot!

I sat there for what seemed to be hours and counting holes in the ceiling tiles, noted the paint color, the number of receptacles on the wall...I did any and everything to be still and quiet. I was so thankful when a knock came at the door and I was told they were ready for me.

A young nurse named Jennifer took me down the hall to the imaging room. She helped me get positioned on the table and put a wedge under my knees. She explained the PET scan would last about 30 minutes and I would need to stay as still as possible. It was freezing in the room and I told the nurse I didn't think I could stay still because when I'm cold, my teeth chatter and my legs shake.  She went to the warmer and pulled out 2 heated blankets and put them on me. Ahhhhh! It felt so good.

Lying on the table, I was thankful Dr. S had prescribed those anti-anxiety pills for me. Even though the opening on the PET scan wasn't as small as the one on the MRI, I felt anxious about being put inside it. As the table began to move forward, the nurse slipped into a glass booth just off the side of the room. She told me to call out if I needed anything.

I could barely hear a slight whirring sound as the table moved slowly into the machine for scanning. I noticed it paused on one area for a little while and then the table would  move forward again about another foot or so and the same process would be repeated. This was done down the entire length of my body.

Scan's all done!

When the test was over, the table slid out of the machine and a nurse was there to help me up. I asked her if she'd mind taking a photo of me because I was trying to document my entire journey. She laughed and said she'd be glad to do it. I asked her when she thought I'd hear back from the doctor and she said it would probably be tomorrow. I'm anxious to know the results of the test. I've had all my friends praying for me so I'm really hoping for some good news.

On the way home from the medical center. I had to stay away from Heather. She's only 2 and she doesn't need to be exposed to radiation. When we got inside the house and were ready to each lunch, I went into the formal dining room and let them eat in the kitchen. The nurse had warned me to stay away from small children for the next 24 hours because I'll still be radioactive. I hated that because I usually hug my little Heatherbug goodbye. This time, all I got to do was wave to her.

I'm so thankful for Laura's sweet spirit and her willingness to help in any way she can. She has such a huge servant's heart. I'm also thankful for all my friends who have committed to pray for me. I really could feel their prayers today. It was as if there was a sweet peace surrounding me all day long and I know that was from all the prayers going up for me.

I know God has something in store for me. The Bible tells me He does:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Now all I can do is wait and see what it is!

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Talley Ho! Onward we go!

Anyone who's known me long enough knows I love profound quotations. I'm always looking for good ones to store in my memory bank. I find them from well loved and well known people. I gather them from books and movies and sometimes, even from conversations I hear. This one was perfect for today:

“Go back?" he thought. "No good at all!
Go sideways? Impossible!
Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!"
So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and
one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Oh I wish I could just shut my brain off sometimes! It never seems to want to stop processing things even when I lie down to go to sleep...there's a steady stream of thought that continually flows. I've tried for years to turn off my brain so I could get a good night's sleep but most night's it just doesn't happen. Like a leaky faucet, the thoughts slip out one by one. Just the other day I was thinking about all I've been through over the past year and as I was thinking, I really wanted to go back to the way my life was before I was diagnosed with cancer...I mean really! Who wouldn't want that? Before cancer, I had a great life! Oh sure, I had my little aches and pains now and then, but nothing major. Things were rolling along just fine and I was happy. I took a lot for granted back then and didn't even realize it. But today, well, that's a whole other story.

Pain is a great teacher and you can learn a lot from suffering. I'll be honest, I've suffered a great deal over this past year. But in that suffering, I have learned so much and for that I am grateful. God has used the suffering to teach me trust and patience. It hasn't been easy. In fact, there have been some days when I just didn't want to go on at all. This quotation by Charles Dickens says it so well:

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching,
and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be.
I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.”
- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Even though my body has been broken, I am a much stronger person than I was before. I have a greater resolve and minor things that used to affect me profoundly, don't bother me at all. I would have to say cancer has taught me well.

I thought my journey was winding down and I was coming to a stopping point, but that was before I received the MRI results. I didn't expect anything to show up but it did. It scared me when the doctor told me she'd had 2 other radiologists look at it with her to confirm their suspicions. And now, a PET scan looms over me. Tomorrow is the day. 

As I contemplate what lies before me, I can't help but think of all the possibilities. Today, I am preparing for the scan  and tomorrow morning, I'll be there bright to become radioactive once again. When the nurse called from Piedmont to confirm my appointment, she gave instructions for me to eat a low carb diet today and told me not to do any strenuous activity. That was all she said and I didn't think to ask why before hanging up with her, so today, I got on the internet...you can find answers to just about any question you have on the internet, and I looked up how to prepare for a PET scan. 

It seems before the scan a radioactive tracer is fed into the vein by way of a glucose based serum. As I was reading, it made a little more sense as to why I'd need to be on a low carb diet the day before the test. Carbohydrates turn into sugar in the body and in order to process them, the body has to release insulin. If you're being fed a glucose based serum, having too many carbs in your body could send your blood sugar sky high and that would cause a big problem. I never could find a reason for the low activity level but I assume it has something to do with the glucose/insulin release in the body too. 

While I'm glad my doctor has ordered the PET scan, I'm hesitant to find out the results. I was told last week, after an MRI on my spine, that a new mass had been discovered at the L5 vertebrae. The PET scan is supposed to illuminate any other potential problems in my body. I'm hoping there are no other areas of cancer. I don't want to borrow trouble, but I'm a practical person. I like to prepare for things ahead of time. 

What will I do if the mass on my spine turns out to be cancer? Will they want to do surgery to remove it? Will they suggest chemo or radiation to obliterate it? What will I do if there are more cancerous lesions in my body? Will I be able to handle the news? 

There are so many unknowns and those are the things my mind keeps trying to process, but I know I'm not supposed to worry. Here's a wonderful quotation that I've committed to memory. This quotation is not only a quote, it's also a command from God.

"Have not I commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be dismayed: for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 The Holy Bible

So  I guess I just need to press on! Talley ho, as they say!  I love that saying. Did you know it dates from around 1772, and is probably derived from the French word "taïaut," a cry used to excite hounds when hunting deer. From sources from the second half of the 13th century, it is from the concatenation of two words forming a war cry : taille haut. "Taille" being the edge of the sword et "haut" translating to high, the original meaning of this interjection is something close to "High the edges of your blades." How appropriate as I prepare for battle again. 

Onward I go, once more into battle. This cancer battle never seems to end. I'll face whatever tomorrow brings in the strength of the Lord. 

Yes, sometimes I wish I could go back in time to my life before I was diagnosed but then again, so much has changed. This quote by Lewis Carroll explains it well:

"But it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." - Alice from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland

© bonnie annis all rights reserved