Real men eat Kale

My husband probably thinks I'm treating him like a rabbit lately, especially after I served him Kale at dinner last night. It was the first time I'd ever cooked it, but I'd heard it was really good for you so I wanted to add it to our diet. I watched his face as I handed him his plate. I could see the raised eyebrow as he wondered what that green, leafy stuff was right next to his chicken breast. I waited to see if he'd ask. I was determined not to tell him until after he'd either asked or tasted it.

Our refrigerator is stocked to the brim with fresh produce now. When we go grocery shopping, we always hover around the outer perimeter of the store for the majority of the time we're there. Phil gets a kick out of teasing me because he says I "spend way too much time in the produce section." I just love reveling in the wide variety of colors and textures. Phil stands slumped over the shopping cart because he knows it's going to be a while before I'm ready to leave this section. He's good to take my selections to the scale and weigh them for me, but after about 20 minutes, he'll say, "okay, let's get out of here and move on to another section." As we move out of the produce section, I'll slowly continue to peruse the displays making sure I've picked up every thing I needed. Inevitably, something will catch my eye and I'll have to get just one more thing. When we're finally out of the produce section, I'll smile looking at my shopping cart brimming with lovely produce.

Since I've decided to take a more natural approach to healing from my recent bout with breast cancer, I've focused on eliminating processed foods and sugar from our diet. When I first started this process about 2 weeks ago, I told Phil he didn't have to eat the way I did. I was more than happy to make two sets of meals but I explained to him that I wanted him to be healthy too. Graciously, he agreed to eat whatever I prepared.

I'm thankful he's agreed to adapt to this lifestyle change. He hasn't complained once about any of the funky veggies I've served him lately...except last night. He did say I'd put too many red pepper flakes in with my kale dish. I had to laugh at him for complaining about the seasoning. Most men would have complained about the kale itself. I think he's finding that nutritious food can be quite tasty. I'm just glad he eats whatever I serve him and never turns up his nose at anything. I think I'll keep him!

My recipe for Sauteed Kale with onions

1 bunch of fresh Kale
1 large onion (sliced thin)
2 cloves of garlic (chopped)
2-3 tablespoons of olive oil
1 can beef broth
crushed red pepper flakes
salt and pepper to taste

In a large wok or skillet, set on medium high heat, drizzle the olive oil. Add the sliced onions and let them cook until almost translucent. Add the chopped garlic and stir well. Next add the washed kale. It will fill the pan to overflowing but will wilt down significantly as it cooks. Allow to cook for several minutes and then add the can of beef broth. (You can substitute veggie or chicken broth if you like.) Season with crushed red pepper flakes, a good teaspoon should do the trick unless you like things super spicy. (You can also omit the red pepper if you don't like spicy foods.) Stir and add salt and pepper to taste. Allow the kale mixture to cook until the broth has reduced completely and then serve and enjoy!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

The aroma of blessing

I was on the phone with my oldest daughter this afternoon when she asked if my mail had come yet. I told her it hadn't come but I was waiting for it. "It usually comes around 1:30," I said, as we continued our conversation. She explained that she had shipped me a package and it was supposed to be delivered today.

While we were still talking, I heard the mail truck coming down the street. I went to the window to see if the driver was going to come up to the house with a package. Instead of bringing the package to my door, I watched the mail carrier shove it into my mailbox. I could tell it had been a tight fit because of the way she forced the mailbox door closed.

With my daughter still on the phone, I walked down to the mailbox to retrieve my mail. There were the usual letters, a bill or two and a box from a company called DoTerra. I brought the mail back up to the house and she encouraged me to open the box. I grabbed my scissors to cut the tape and lifted the lid to see the contents.

As soon as I opened the box, I could smell the delicious oils. There were so many that I began to cry. (I knew these oils were expensive and were a huge sacrifice for her.) She started to tell me what each oil was for and how it would be used to help me on my road to recovery. She had hand picked each oil specifically for me. She'd also included some nutritional supplements that aided the lymphatic system and helped with cell regeneration. She told me as she'd been perusing the DoTerra website, God had directed her to those 2 supplements.

My decision not to take the cancer medications my oncologist prescribed has been an easy one, but one many people don't quite understand. I've made a radical change in the way I'm eating and rarely have any sugar or processed foods. Now, along with my diet changes, I'll have the essential oils to aid me in natural healing.

Natural healing has been a part of my family for some time. Old fashioned home remedies have been around as long as I can remember. I can still remember the smell of a mustard plaster my mother made once when I was sick with a severe chest cold. I don't remember how she made it other than smearing mustard onto the inside of a piece of a brown paper bag and then it was flipped upside down and placed on my chest. I think I slept with it on that night and the next morning I was 100% better. There were other remedies involving hot water, honey, lemon, vinegar, or baking soda. I'm sure most of them were handed down from generation to generation by word of mouth but whatever the case may be, those things worked!

My great aunt Alice was a licensed naturopath in the state of Georgia when women weren't quite welcomed into the medical field. She was a firm believer that any and every illness could be cured by something God had already provided for us in nature. She had an office in her home in Atlanta for years.

Naturopathic medicine (or naturopathy) is based on the belief that the body can heal itself. It aims to improve health, prevent disease, and treat illness through the use of organic foods and exercise; a healthy, balanced lifestyle; and the use of treatments from other areas of complementary medicine. (These treatments include ayurveda, homeopathy, and herbal therapies.)

Naturopathy was developed in the late 1800s in the United States. Today, a licensed naturopathic doctor (ND) attends a 4-year, graduate-level naturopathic medical school. He or she studies the same basic sciences as a medical doctor (MD). But the ND also studies alternative therapies, such as herbal medicine, acupuncture, and bodywork.

Most traditional naturopathic physicians (naturopaths) believe in natural therapies, such as nutritional and lifestyle counseling. They tend to avoid prescribing medicines or doing surgery. Some naturopaths prescribe herbal medicines, homeopathic dilutions, or nutritional supplements. Some may perform minor surgeries.

People use naturopathic medicine to promote good health, prevent disease, and treat illness. Most naturopaths can treat earaches, allergies, and other common health problems. Naturopathy tries to find the cause of the problem rather than just treating symptoms. A properly trained naturopath works with other health professionals. He or she will refer people to other practitioners for diagnosis or treatment when needed.

Several weeks ago, I made a very conscious decision not to take the Aromasin and Effexor that Dr. "F" had prescribed. I'd already had bad experiences with Arimidex and Tamoxifen and Aromasin was in the same category of medicines. Effexor was being added (even though it was typically used for depression) to combat the hot flashes and night sweats. I don't know why I hadn't made my decision even before giving Arimidex a try. I guess I'd just been conditioned to believe my medical professional always knew best. Why had I never thought to myself, "it's my body and I have a right to choose what I do and don't but into it?" The day I made my decision was a very freeing one. I felt a literal weight being lifted off of me when I told my husband, "I'm not going to take these medicines any longer."  

If I'd chosen to receive my care at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, I would have had an opportunity to work with a holisitic doctor and possibly even an naturopath. At their centers, they tout the tag line, "integrative care with you at the center." While they do offer spiritual advisors, massage therapists, nutritionists, etc. I wanted to work with one main doctor. It's too bad I didn't think to choose a naturopath first. 

I'm very curious to find out what my oncologist will say when I tell him at the end of this month that I've chosen a more natural route to healing my body. I'm wondering if he'll say, "okay, nice knowing you...see you later," or perhaps "well, you need to either follow my advice or find another oncologist," or maybe he'll say, "I completely understand. It's your decision and I'll support you in it." I'm sure he'll encourage me to reconsider since he isn't a naturopath. Hopefully he'll at least listen to me and try to understand the reasons for my decision.

All the bottles of essential oils my daughter sent me are lined up on my kitchen counter. As I stand in front of them, I can smell the heady smell of lavender, the deep, intense fragrance of Ylang Ylang, and the blends of Frankincense, Wild Orange, Thyme, Lemongrass and Clove. All of their smells intermingle into one beautiful reminder of God's great love for me through my daughter who covered me today with the aroma of blessing. 

Years ago, I talked to my daughter about my great Aunt Alice. You see, my daughter, Erin, has always been a seeker of natural healing remedies too. Perhaps this love of naturopathy will continue in our family for generations to come, and why not? I believe too, just like my great aunt did, that God has given us every thing we need in nature to cure every illness and every disease...even Cancer.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved 

I had a dream

Last night was fitful. I've continued to have trouble sleeping soundly for a long time now, but just as the evening ends and morning begins...I get really comfortable and fall into a deep, deep sleep. This morning, just before waking, I had a dream. In the dream, my Father and I were talking (not my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father.) Things were very hazy and I couldn't make out much more than our conversation and a wonderfully overwhelming feeling of peace and love.
To the best of my memory, our conversation went like this:

"I have a gift for you, Bonnie, do you want to open it now?"
Not sure what I was supposed to do as He handed me the gift, I didn't respond but looked to Him with eyes of concern.
"You must be SURE you want to open this gift, He said."
I replied, "But every gift from you is good and perfect, isn't it?"
He replied, "Yes, but sometimes my gifts are hard."

I held the gift in my hands and wondered whether or not I should open it. I couldn't see the package in my dream but I could feel the weight of it in my hands. Some time passed and I felt it was time to open the gift. As I did, I looked into the box with sadness at what I'd been given. My Father, said comforting words to me and let me know it was okay for me to feel this way...discouraged, challenged, afraid. I felt myself swallow, a huge lump in my throat, as He reminded me that some gifts were hard.

"Your cancer was a gift. It was a gift I specifically chose for you, my dear child."
I held the box at arm's length and looked into His loving eyes. Immediately I felt these words rising up in my spirit, "shall we only accept the good from You and not the bad?"
Without saying a word, I knew I had His approval. I had understood exactly what He wanted me to know, that even though my struggle had been very difficult, God knew what He was doing. He had handpicked this gift for me.

I woke up feeling relieved. There was much more to the dream but I don't feel at liberty to share those parts because they are between my Father and I. I do know He allowed me to experience this dream so I could understand how much He loves me and how He chooses exactly the things He knows we need in our lives to perfect us and form us into His image. Perhaps there's something hard He's given you to deal with in your life right now. If so, please know that He has handpicked your challenge for your benefit. Nothing comes into our lives without passing through God's hands first. He allows things to touch our lives through either His perfect will or His permissive will. When we can learn to see things from this perspective, we can more easily understand that all God's gifts, both the good and the bad, are beneficial for us.

These two Scriptures spoke to my heart and helped clarify my dream.

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes."

 Psalm 119:71 Amplified Bible 

"See now that I, I am He, and there is no god beside Me; I kill and I make alive, I wound and I heal, and there is none who can deliver out of My hand." Deuteronomy 32:39 Amplified Bible

The Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. With that being said, I know that what was spoken thousands of years ago is still relevant for today. I still believe in miracles. I believe God has the power to would and to heal. I have been wounded and now I await His perfect timing for my complete healing. I know He is able and I don't mind waiting until I receive the gift of His perfect and complete healing in my life. 

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Well, shut my mouth!

My oldest daughter caught it and called me on it. It was a slip of the tongue, but I'd made the mistake several times recently. I never even realized it, but I was still claiming I had cancer. I told complete strangers, "I have breast cancer," when in all actuality, that was a lie! I don't HAVE cancer any more! What I should have said is, "I HAD cancer!" What a difference there are in those two words - HAVE  and HAD. One is present tense and one is past tense. How did I fall into that trap? Why hadn't I realized what I was saying? I certainly didn't want to HAVE cancer! After all, I'd spent the past 8 months recovering from painful surgery and treatment to erradicate it from my body.

I'm a firm believer that there is power in the spoken word. The Bible says it too,  "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life](Proverbs 18:21) The Bible also says that "out of the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. (James 3:10) So why had I chosen to CURSE myself by saying, "I have cancer," as if I still had it? Was I believing a lie from the pits of hell that Satan had been whispering in my ear, "Bonnie, you don't know if the cancer is really gone...there could be some rogue cells that split off and traveled into your blood stream during surgery...they could be lurking somewhere in your body doing all kinds of bad things...they could be growing and you don't even know it...your cancer is going to come back one day when you least suspect it! It's going to sneak up on you like a ticking time bomb and then, what are you going to do????"

Those lies had subtly attached themselves in my mind and it was time to root them out for good! I made a conscious decision to be very careful about what I spoke over myself from that point forward. Instead of speaking a curse, "I HAVE cancer," I was going to speak a blessing, "I HAD cancer." I'm sorry if I've confused you, saying I had cancer, a blessing? Yes! Keep reading.

I asked God to help me understand His viewpoint on the matter and He led me straight to the Bible. In the book of James, chapter 1 verses 2-8, it says, "Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. ..."

Now I've read this verse a million times before throughout my life but this time, I read it with an emphasis on the word JOY and TRIALS. They seem to be contradictory don't they? Joy isn't the first thing I think of when I hear the word trial. I usually think of pain, suffering, hardship, and longsuffering. But God wants us to be joyful knowing that there's a purpose for the trial. He wants us to understand that although it's challenging and difficult, He's going to use it to do a mighty thing in our lives, and that's how cancer has been a blessing to me. He's used it to teach me and mold me into who He wants me to be.

The more and more I thought about this verse, the more I realized I needed to learn to fight back! I wasn't going to listen to those lies from Satan any more. I was going to speak life over myself. I was going to be joyful! What a concept...to fight back with joy! Who would have ever thought joy could be used as a weapon? I certainly didn't, but God had revealed this to me as I pondered the scriptures from the book of James.

Now don't get me wrong. It hasn't been easy to begin to fight back with joy. It's been challenging. I've had to learn to shift my focus. Instead of focusing on what has been taken from me (my breasts and my femininity) I have to look at what remains (my life, my spirit, my family.) I know it doesn't make sense, especially when your whole world has been turned upside down, but I really felt like God was impressing on my heart to focus on JOY. Joy isn't only an emotion, it's an action...it's something we can do, regardless of how we feel or what our emotions say.

So how could I be joyful? The best way to have joy is to give joy. I began thinking about how I could make others happy. So I began to pray and ask God to lay people on my heart and He did! He gave me a long list of names, some family, some friends, and some people I've never even met. How could I spread joy to them? I began asking God to reveal specific ways for me to minister His love and joy to each person. I'm still working on the list and jotting down things that God is impressing on my heart, but for some of the people, He's just impressed on me to send a card and other's I feel led to call. Some require a small gift and others just need prayer. In ever instance, God is allowing me to see that joy is indeed an action. It is intentional and when we give it away, just like with love, it comes back to us.

Joy is very different from happiness although the two do go hand in hand. A dictionary definition of happiness is “a state of well-being, a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” The definition of the word “rejoice,” from which our word “joy” comes, is “to feel great delight, to welcome or to be glad.” The word “joy” comes from the Greek root word chara and means "to be exceedingly glad."James 1:2says, “Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials.” How could we ever consider going through difficulties and trials a reason to feel joy? James 1:3-4 gives us a clue when it says, “Knowing that the testing of our faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” The deep, abiding joy comes as we persevere through trials, with God’s help, and our faith matures and is strengthened. So happiness tends to be fleeting and depends upon temporal factors like circumstances or other people. Joy, on the other hand, is true contentment that comes from internal factors like our faith in the Lord. True joy is everlasting and not dependent upon circumstances. So the Bible teaches that happiness is fleeting because it often depends on things outside of ourselves, but true joy is eternal because it is based on our relationship with Jesus Christ, which is itself an everlasting source of joy.

Every year I pray and ask God to give me one word on which to focus throughout the year. Last year, the word He gave me was TRUST. What a fitting word to give me when I was going to face the most difficult trial of my life! This year, He gave me the word JOY. I can't wait to see how He's going to lead me into discovering a deeper understanding of this word.

Joy in the midst of trial...doesn't make much sense, does it? But according to God, that's exactly how we're supposed to face trials...joyfully. I'm in the midst of learning this lesson and I'm also in the midst of learning to keep my mouth on guard. I have to be very careful with the words I speak over myself. Yes, I HAD breast cancer, but I don't HAVE it any more! Praise God! I'm a survivor! As of this post, I've been cancer free for 8 months and I'm trusting God that my future health is in His hands. 

Maybe you need to consider fighting back with joy. Have you ever thought of joy as a weapon against the enemy? What's your natural response when you come face to face with a trial you didn't expect? Do you immediately recoil in fear or do you put up your fists ready to fight? It's not easy to be joyful when life throws us unexpected challenges but it is doable. It takes practice, but with discipline and strength from God, you can do it. 

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Pizza and prayer

Every Friday night we get pizza and sit in our recliners and watch a good movie...we've done it ever since we moved to our new house, It's become a tradition, one both my husband and I enjoy. We always go to the same pizza place, Papa Johns, because after you order a certain number of pies, they give you one free. We've gotten to know the staff on a first name basis and one man in particular has touched our hearts, Sam Smallwood.

Our pizza nights began sporadically right after our move but became very regular after I was diagnosed with cancer. It was an easy meal option and afforded me the opportunity not to cook. The first few times, my husband, Phil, went to the restaurant alone to pick up the pizza. I was either not feeling up to it or I was in my pajamas. He didn't mind. Soon he began to talk to Sam and they quickly became friends. Phil's just that way, he never meets a stranger. As they talked, my husband told Sam that I'd just had surgery for breast cancer and Sam, with a very concerned look on his face said, "I'll pray for her." 

Every time hubby went to pick up our pizza, Sam would ask how I was doing. He wasn't just asking to ask, he genuinely cared. We were amazed at how a complete stranger could show such love and concern. When my husband would come home with the pizza, he'd come inside and say, "Sam said to tell you hello, he's been praying for you." Over and over again this kept happening. 

One day, I decided I needed to meet Sam. I got dressed, slipped on a jacket and went with my husband to get the pizza. As we walked inside the store, Phil introduced me to Sam. Sam was a big guy, and I don't mean tall...he was round! He came out from behind the counter and gave me a huge bear hug. "It's so nice to meet you," he said. "I've been praying for you." We made small talk for a few minutes and then left. 

On the way home from the restaurant, I told Phil I was going to write to the company headquarters and compliment them on their employee. Not only did he show genuine caring and concern for us, he was a very competent employee. Phil agreed that it was a good idea and it was settled. 

The next day, I wrote a long letter to Papa Johns and sent it off in the mail. I was surprised a few days later when I received an email from the main headquarters thanking me for acknowledging Sam. They said they'd received many compliments on him in the past and weren't at all surprised to be getting my letter. They told me they'd make sure he received recognition for a job well done. 

Last night, I got online and ordered our pizzas. When it was time to pick them up, I decided to go with Phil since I'd been cooped up in the house all day.  I sat in the car as he went in to get our order. I could see him talking with Sam and in just a few minutes, Sam came over to my side of the car. I unrolled the window and he asked if he could give me a hug. Naturally, I smiled at him and said, "sure." He reached inside and planted a big kiss on top of my head and hugged me. Then he thanked me for writing the company about him. He said his store manager had commended him for doing such a great job and had rewarded him with a nice gift card. He asked if I would mind speaking to his manager for just a minute and he quickly went inside to get her. 

The store manager was a young woman around 30. I was surprised to see that she held a management position at such a young age. She introduced herself and thanked me for taking the time to write the company about Sam and I told her it was my honor. 

On our way home, I began to tear up. One simple gesture had started an avalanche of kindness. It made me realize that kind words and deeds are so very needed in today's world. Sam thought I had done him a huge favor by reporting his kindness to the company but in fact, Sam had ministered to me more than he knew. A complete stranger had committed to lift me up in prayer and had been diligent to continue over the weeks that followed. I know Sam received a nice gift card as a reward from his employer but he'll receive an even greater reward one day when he stands before the throne of Christ. 

I'm so thankful we were able to befriend Sam. What a blessing he has been to us. I think God strategically places people in our lives to minister to us or perhaps for us to minister to them. You know that old saying about "angels unawares," well, be careful with the people you meet, you just never know...

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Hebrews 13:2

© bonnie annis 

6 month folllow up with the Radiation Oncologist

Dr. "S" and me

Today was my six month check up visit to the radiation oncologist. Actually, it was a little over 6 months because I'd been out of state and had to reschedule my appointment. When I walked into the radiation oncology clinic, I was surprised when the receptionist handed me a clipboard with a lot of papers on it. I wondered if she thought I was a new patient and must have given her a puzzled look because she said, "don't worry, just first of the year formalities." I took the stack of papers, clipboard, and pen and sat down to busy myself with filling them out. I wondered why they didn't already have all of this information stored in their computers and I'll admit, I was a little frustrated. As I filled out the papers, I saw a little boy out of the corner of my eye. He was zooming a rubber farm truck around the office floor. I saw his grandmother looking to see if he was bothering me and I just smiled. I asked the little boy how old he was by saying, "are you 2?" His grandmother beamed and said yes. I told her I had 8 grandchildren and was able to guess the age of little ones pretty accurately.

As I sat and continued filling out my papers, people were being called back for treatment. There was an older man who struggled to walk through the door, there were two women both with apparent breast cancer. My heart ached for them as they were all 3 just beginning their treatments. I was glad I didn't have to go through radiation any longer.

After about thirty minutes of waiting, the nurse called me back to get my vital statistics. She asked a zillion questions and entered information into the computer. When she was through, she handed me a gown and told me to get undressed from the waist up. I knew the drill. I sat on the crinkly white paper atop the examination table for a few minutes and then jumped up to check out the room. I hate just sitting on the table swinging my legs like a little girl. I looked over the otoscope and blood pressure monitor. I looked to see what size nitrile gloves she wears and even took a peek at the computer screen which the nurse failed to hide beneath an active screensaver. I love reading medical data especially when it's about me! I was listed under the ICD-9 code as a 174.1 which codes as malignant neoplasm of the central portion of the breast.

I heard the doc outside the room so I jumped back up on the table. As she entered, she greeted me with a big smile. I told her I'd missed seeing her but I hadn't missed the radiation treatments. She grinned. "I can understand that," she said. She started asking questions about my general health and how I was feeling. She asked if I'd noticed any new lumps, bumps, or worrisome places. Had I been having weird headaches? Did I have stomach pain? Spinal pain? Belly pain? Bladder? I answered no to all of her questions and then she went down my medication list. Are you still taking....? What about ....? Yes, yes, yes everything was a yes until she got to Arimidex. I told her to cross that one off the list. She looked up and asked why. I explained about the horrible side effects.

Dr. "S" pulled up some documents on the computer screen and they were obviously letters from Dr. Feinstein, my oncologist. "I see here that you did indeed have some odd side effects from Arimidex and also from the Tamoxifen." I talked to her about the effects of the medications and how they made me feel. I don't know why I was so surprised when she jerked forward in her chair at my statement that I'd decided not to take any more cancer medications. "I really think you need to reconsider your decision," she said. "Since your cancer traveled to your lymph system and it's fed by Estrogen and Progesterone, it's very important that you take that medication to keep the cancer at bay." My reply stunned her. I said, "Dr. S., I know you have to speak to me from a medical standpoint but I am trusting that my God is taking care of all that. I've prayed about it and talked with my husband about it and my decision is final. I've decided to change my diet drastically and do all I can to live a good and healthy life." She came back with, "when do you see Dr. F?" I told her I'd see him the end of March. "Well, when you do, please talk to him about this and listen to what he has to say." "Okay doc," I said, "I'll listen but I don't think he'll change my mind."

She had me lie back on the examination table and began poking and prodding me. She slowly and deliberately moved over each of my incisions stopping occasionally when she felt something questionable. She felt under my armpits and mushed around on my belly asking if "that hurt." I wanted to say, "well of course it does! You're pressing really hard," but I didn't. Next she had me sit up and she listened to my lungs, looked in my ears and throat, felt all the lymph glands in the back and sides of my neck and then felt along my arms. She asked about the swelling and asked what seemed to exacerbate it. I answered her questions then she returned to the computer and began typing.

While she typed away, I asked her a question. "Doc, when will I ever be declared N.E.D.?" (that means no evidence of disease in case you don't know) She looked up from the screen and said, "You've been in remission since your cancer was removed but we can't say definitely N.E.D just yet." (According to the American Cancer Society, remission means the cancer is responding well to treatment and not spreading.) I asked her why I hadn't had a P.E.T. scan yet (that stands for positron emission tomography.) She said there had been many recent studies showing that after breast cancer, it was not wise to administer a P.E.T. scan unless absolutely necessary because of the amount of radiation emitted. People who'd undergone radiation therapy were at greater risk and that's why I wasn't going to receive one now. A P.E.T.scan is an imaging test that helps reveal how your tissues and organs are functioning. A PET scan uses a radioactive drug (tracer) to show this activity and it illuminates any cancer cells that remain in the body. "So, without a P.E.T. scan, we can't really know whether I'm free of cancer or not, correct?" The doctor answered, "correct. But, if there ever are any new lumps, bumps or places of concern, you can be sure that I will be the first one to order a P.E.T. scan for you." I was pretty satisfied with that answer although I know in my heart that I'm already cancer free because of my faith in God.

As I was slipping out of my gown and putting back on my clothes, I could hear Dr. "S" outside my door talking with the nurse...."she's decided not to take any medication....don't understand...Arimidex...just don't get it...." Those were the only words I could make out but there were many others in between. I can only guess what they were but I'm sure they didn't understand the choice I'd made.

I should have known Dr. "S" would give me grief over my decision. Medical doctors have a hard time accepting faith and miracles unless they are believers themselves. I wish I knew where Dr. "S" stood in her belief system. I may just ask her next time I'm there. I do know many family and friends just can't understand my decision not to take the meds but I know my body best. I have to do what I feel God leading me to do no matter if people look at me like I'm crazy or don't agree with me.

I used to work for doctors and in fact, I wanted to go into the medical field when I was in high school. I loved and still love medicine. It's fascinating to me. But doctors and medication don't have anything on the Great Physician. He's the one who made me and He's the one I trust. At my next visit, which will be in 3 months, I'm hoping Dr. "S" will continue to be baffled and give me an opportunity to talk with her once again about God. Who knows, maybe I'll get to witness to every single one of my medical team before it's over and maybe they'll come to realize what I already know, that God's ways are not man's ways. Proverbs 3:4-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean NOT unto thine own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

I'm trusting in Him with all my heart. I don't understand anything about this cancer journey except He allowed me to go through it. I am choosing to follow His leading and do what He says. The ones who have trouble understanding can just continue to be bewildered. This is between me and God.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Brave, who me?

My youngest daughter is a giver. She has such a big heart and always wants to give to others. Yesterday, she surprised me with a beautiful silver necklace. As I took the gift in my hands and looked at it, I saw that it was engraved with the word "brave." I was honored that she'd specifically chosen this gift for me but I felt so unworthy. I didn't consider myself brave. I asked her why she'd chosen that specific word for me and she casually looked at me, with an unspoken DUH in her voice, and said, "Mom, you beat breast cancer." Wow.

I'd never thought fighting for my life over the past few months of my breast cancer journey gave me the right to be called brave. I was just doing what I had to do to survive. For me, bravery denotes extreme courage or tenacity like a soldier in the midst of a raging war. Although he's under constant fire and jumping in and out of foxholes, he doesn't give up...he fights on. To me, that's being brave. Or the unwed, single mother who does any and everything she can to make ends meet to provide for her child...that's brave.

The dictionary describes the word brave this way:
brave
brāv/
adjective
1. ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.
synonyms: courageous, valiant, valorous, intrepid, heroic, lionhearted, bold, fearless, gallant, daring, plucky, audacious.

I certainly didn't feel I fit that description. I hadn't been ready to face cancer or any of the pain that came along with it. I definitely didn't feel courageous or like any of the other synonyms the dictionary listed. As I fastened the necklace around my neck, I made a conscious decision to try and live up to the label I'd just received and accepted.

Although this label was clearly visible for the world to see, there are so many labels we hang around our necks that no one ever sees. On days when things are difficult and trying, we might subconsciously hang the label "failure" on our necks. When we've worked hard to accomplish a challenging task and succeeded, we might label ourselves "strong" or "amazing" or "awesome." Labels come not only from how we feel about ourselves but from how we're perceived by others. We must take great care in choosing which labels we'll allow to stay with us and choose which ones need to be discarded.

Whose voice are you listening to when you accept those labels? Are you listening to what Jesus says about you or what Satan says about you? Jesus will always give you positive labels. He'll say you're "redeemed," "beloved," "accepted," "forgiven," "precious," and "worthy." Satan will always give you negative thoughts which will in turn become negative labels. Those "failure," "hopeless," "worthless," "incompetent," type labels come straight at you from the pits of hell. You don't have to accept them. You have the power and authority to reject them!

Whatever labels you choose to hang around your neck will identify you to others. Even if they can't visibly "see" your labels, your attitude and actions will reflect how you feel about yourself. Do you want to be identified as a strong, brave, confident person who is walking in the truth of God's love or do you want to be labeled a hopeless failure?

Every day we make choices about how we present ourselves to the world. The clothing we select gives people a glimpse of who we are by letting them see our individuality. Our attitudes, our manner of speech, the way we carry ourselves...all of these label us. Some labels we choose and others are chosen for us. Everyone wears labels. With discerning eyes, we can see the ones that aren't truly visible. For example, have you ever walked past someone with a downcast countenance? Perhaps that person's label is "lonely" or "hurting." Labels, whether visible or invisible, say something important to or about ourselves and that's why it's important to choose them carefully.

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."  Words have the power edify or destroy. Labels hold the same power. Do you want to choose labels that speak life to your soul? If so, one way you can decide on your labels is to know what God says about you. How can you know that? You have to read the Bible. Here are some of the labels the Bible lists for you to wear:

• Child of God: "But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children" … (John 1:12).

• Friend of Jesus: "I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father" (John 15:15).

• Justified and redeemed: "But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:24).

• Free: "For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:2).

• Heir: "And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)--if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him" (Romans 8:17).

• Accepted: "Receive one another, then, just as Christ also received you, to God's glory" (Romans 15:7).

•Saint: "… To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ Jesus, and called to be saints, with all those in every place who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours (1 Corinthians 1:2). (See also Ephesians 1:1, Philippians 1:1, and Colossians 1:2.)

• Temple: "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?" (1 Corinthians 6:19)

• Unified: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female--for all of you are one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).

• Blessed: "Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ" (Ephesians 1:3).

• Chosen: "For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love (Ephesians 1:4).

• Redeemed: "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace" (Ephesians 1:7).

• Predestined: "In Christ we too have been claimed as God's own possession, since we were predestined according to the one purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to the counsel of his will." (Ephesians 1:11)

• Sealed: "And when you heard the word of truth (the gospel of your salvation)--when you believed in Christ--you were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit." (Ephesians 1:13)

• Alive: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even though we were dead in transgressions, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you are saved! (Ephesians 2:4-5)

• Handcrafted: "For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them." (Ephesians 2:10)

I looked down at my necklace again and marveled at the engraving upon it. Black ink had been pushed deep into the lettering to cause the word "brave" to stand out against the silver metal. Brave. Could I really accept that label? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to say yes. I looked back at the dictionary definition of the word brave. Ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. synonyms: courageous, valiant, valorous, intrepid, heroic, lionhearted, bold, fearless, gallant, daring, plucky, audacious. I guess I had been a little plucky over the past few months. I kind of like the sound of that word, "plucky." It fits! Yes, I'll accept that and I'll be proud to call myself brave even though it seems a great big word to live up to for the rest of my life. 

Please watch this short video to see how the labels we hang on ourselves affect us -

Identity, the labels we give ourselves - a video of the song, Fix You by Coldplay