Out of control

A 2013 movie entitled Gravity captivated audiences with its stunning realism. In the movie, the crew of the Space Shuttle Explorer is working on an important mission. The mission commander, played by actor George Clooney, and a medical engineer, played by actress Sandra Bullock, are on a space walk when they learn from Houston control that an explosion has just occurred at a Russian satellite. Before the crew can do anything about it, the explosion debris comes hurtling toward their craft, irreparably damaging the shuttle and station, immediately killing all the crew except for the characters played by Clooney and Bullock.They instantly have lost control with Houston and are left in a precarious position. Sandra Bullock is untethered with quickly decreasing oxygen on her person meaning that George Clooney has to retrieve her quickly if she has any chance of survival. Even if he can retrieve her and get her some oxygen, they have the difficult task of trying to get to another satellite and from there travel ultimately back to Earth. Through the process, they are often on their own leading to an extreme feeling of isolation. This causes each of them to ask individual questions and make ultimate decisions about their own mortality. Alone and helpless...totally out of control!

Can you imagine having absolutely no control over a situation in which you find yourself? That's exactly how I feel right now. Cancer has claimed part of my body and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can't make it go away. I can't remove it on my own. I have no control. Just like the astronauts in the movie, Gravity, I feel like my life is spinning out of control and I'm powerless to stop it. It's almost as if my body has allowed the alien invader Cancer to take over control central. Not only do I feel physically out of control right now, I also feel overwhelmed by medical bills already filling my mailbox. It seems that this is just the beginning of a massive amount of unpredictable, uncontrollable physical and financial woes.

Watching the movie, Gravity, I could almost feel the air being sucked out of my lungs as Sandra Bullock struggles to breathe in her space suit. She gasps for air realizing that she's untethered and the air supply is nonexistent. That's exactly the way I felt when the radiologist told me over the phone that I had Cancer. I felt like I was suffocating...immediate loss of oxygen...like I was about to pass out. I was spinning out of control.

Sandra Bullock does survive. Even though she goes through one devastating experience after another, Sandra realizes she is powerless to change her situation. She finally resigns herself to whatever fate  befalls her. As the movie winds down, the radio crackles with traffic from Mission Control. They've been tracking the capsule, and tell her that rescue is on its way. The chute on the capsule automatically deploys and Bullock lands in a lake near the shore. The cabin fills with smoke, and after she blows the hatch the capsule tilts, allowing water to enter. Just when she thought she was safe, she's unable to exit. The capsule sinks to the bottom with her inside. Miraculously, Bullock finds a bubble of air inside the capsule and exits. She sheds her spacesuit, swims to shore, and takes a few wobbly steps...She's alive and she's survived!

The realization that I have absolutely no control over my current situation is daunting. It's frightening and often consumes my every thought. But I was reminded today, that God never loses control. He is omnipotent...all powerful. Forgive me, Lord, when I panic over matters I can't control. Please help me know how to accept this situation and move forward. Thank you that although I feel like I can't breathe and like I'm spinning out of control that you are fixed and unmovable. You are my firm foundation and my lifeline. You know my comings and my goings. Keep me grounded, Lord, in the days ahead when everything spins wildly around me. Fix my eyes on You and help me keep my bearings. Whatever path You've chosen for me at this time in my life, I will travel knowing that you never leave me abandoned or alone. Thank you, Father, that I can cling to you. You are the ultimate life support and I really do want to survive and not only survive, I want to thrive.

© Bonnie Annis all rights reserved