My phone is ready, so I move the sliders to decrease the brightness and sound. On my home screen, I have the Daily Bible App. I click on it and click on the Devotions tab, then I scroll through the various devotions until I find "Love Worth Finding" by Adrian Rogers. Although he passed away in 2005, this wonderful Southern Baptist pastor has always been one of my favorites.
I search through a list of his devotions and stop on the one I feel God leading me to choose. The devotion is titled "Detours, Dead Ends, and Dry Holes." The focal passages for this devotion are found in Exodus 13, 14, and 15. Pulling the comforter up just a little, I snuggle in to listen.
The past few days have been difficult. I can't help but think of them as the sermon plays on. Though I try to listen intently, I find my mind wandering to the results of my MRI. I wasn't expecting anything to be found and yet, it was. Dr. Rogers is talking about Moses leading the Israelites through the Wilderness. In my mind, I get a visual of them wandering. God didn't take them on the short route. He took them the looooong way around. They wandered for 40 years! I listen as he tells about God providing the pillar of cloud to guide them by day and the pillar of fire to guide them by night, a very familiar passage to me. A tiny thought pops into my mind...my life seems to parallel this sermon. I've felt like I've been wandering lately, wondering what God's up to in my life.
As the sermon continues, Dr. Rogers points out that God's purpose for taking the Israelites on this huge detour is to allow them to go through a kind of holy boot camp. God uses the long period of time they spend not knowing where they are going to teach them to trust. In my spirit, I get a check...yes, God. I heard that.
Breast cancer doesn't really compare to the type of trials the Israelites faced, but for me, it's been a huge test of faith. Last year, I was deep into the wandering stage as I went from one doctor to the next, test after test, surgery, and then recovery. I thought I was coming down the home stretch. The past couple of months have been a little easier and then, BAM! The unexpected happens...another suspicious mass spotted on my spine...I realized the more I listen to Dr. Rogers speak that God hand selected this message for me. Now I am visualizing the Israelites with the Egyptians hot on their heels as they come closer and closer to the Red Sea. I can just imagine their fear, they see the angry soldiers behind them and the raging sea ahead of them...it seems to be a dead end, but is it? When I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, immediately I thought I'd been given a death sentence...a dead end...the point of no return. I was sure I was going to die. I'm sure the Israelites felt the same way - the spears behind them and the sea ahead...a painful death either way! But wait! What did God say? He told the Israelites to:
1. Fear not
2. Be Still
3. Know that I am God
4. See the salvation of the Lord
Okay...so, even though it seemed like a hopeless dead end, God let them know He was still in charge. He wasn't freaked out...everything was going according to His plan. Bonnie, did you hear that? Yes, Lord...I heard. Even though my MRI looks scary and sounds even scarier, I still believe You want me to trust You and not be afraid. You want me to remember that YOU ARE GOD and YOU have a plan.
So why did God put the Israelites through the wanderings? Why did he let them experience fear? He needed to humble them and test them...He needed to prove what was in their hearts. He wanted them to understand who He was and how little their faith was. Again, God pricked my heart...I'm allowing you to go through these medical issues to test your faith too, Bonnie, I felt Him quietly speak to my spirit.
Well, the clock on my dresser showed an hour had passed. I knew the sermon would be ending soon. Adrian was winding it up when he finished the story...the Israelites crossed the Red Sea by God's providential hand and then they came to the land of Mara and found a dry hole...no water to drink because the water was bitter. They began to murmur among themselves and complain to Moses. Moses in turn began to pray and seek God. And do you know what, even while Moses was praying, God's provision was there...God showed Moses a tree that, when cast into the water, would make the water sweet and drinkable. Another prick...even though the MRI shows something suspicious, don't give up hope! I've already made provision, I heard God whisper.
When the sermon stopped, I turned off my cell phone. Lying in bed, I began to drink in all that I'd heard. It was as if I'd tasted my first handful of sweet water. I could feel it, cool upon my tongue. Why had they doubted? The Israelites had just been set free from the Egyptians. God had brought them out of bondage and was leading them to a beautiful oasis but they couldn't see it because it was just over the hill....
Whether the PET scan shows cancer or not, I know God has a purpose and a plan for me. Either way, I'm going to remember not to be afraid. I'm going to hear God tell me to be still and know that He is God and as I put all of my faith in Him, I know He's going to do something amazing!
Yep. Breast cancer was definitely a big detour in my life. It's taken me down roads I never wanted to travel. I've come to some big obstructions that seemed like insurmountable dead ends, but God has been faithful. He's never left me beside a dry place. He's been right by my side guiding me.
Thank you, Lord, that a sermon recorded years ago was fresh and new and just what I needed to hear today. I still don't know where You're taking me or how You're going to take me there, but that's okay. I trust You enough for the next step.
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