At 4 p.m. EST, my cellphone alerted me to turn on my computer as the service was about to begin. I wasn't shocked, as I focused on the live stream, to see the massive amount of people who sat quietly in the sanctuary of Kara's church. Kara's life had touched so many. The service began very quietly and it was evident that the room was filled with deep emotion. One pastor got up to speak and brought a great message about Jesus raising Lazarus and how death was conquered at the cross. A small band played and then speaker came forward. Everything was done so tastefully and reverently.
As the speakers came to the podium, I could see Kara's husband, Jason, and their four children on the front row. They were visibly upset and were constantly wiping their eyes with tissue. I've been praying for them since Kara's passing. How very difficult it must have been for them to say goodbye to their beloved. Even though I'd never met Kara personally, I considered her a dear friend as we had bonded through Facebook and email messages throughout the year. I found myself tearing up as the service came to a close. It was hard to realize that she was gone.
For Christians, funeral services should be times of grand celebration...that's what I'm hoping mine will be when the time comes. I want people to remember how much I loved life and how wonderfully rich my life was while I was here on Earth. Tears and sadness are natural as we let go of the ones we love but we should also rejoice that the time has finally come for them to stand face to face with the One who loves them most.
I've been to many funerals in my lifetime. Most of those had been for Christian friends or family members. While it was sad to see their Earthly life end, I knew their heavenly life was just beginning. What a great comfort it was to know where our loved one was headed...to heaven to be with the Lord. I've also been to funerals of non-Christians. Oh how sad those services were! The ones left behind had no certainty of where their loved one was going. In those instances, death seemed futile.
There's one difference I've noticed between the funeral service of a Christian and a non-Christian, and that difference is hope. The Bible says, "We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:8 Christians know that when they leave this Earth, they go immediately home to be with Jesus in Heaven. Non believers are forever separated from Christ and no longer have the opportunity to accept Him as their Lord and Savior.
At the end of most funeral services held in the Southern states, an invitation is given just as the service winds to a close. The preacher wants to make sure no one leaves without at least having heard the plan of salvation. I've witnessed most of those invitations without any response from the funeral guests but on one occasion, I had the honor of seeing one of my relatives come forward and accept Christ as Savior. What a sweet moment that was!
Life and Death are polar opposites. One brings pleasure and the other brings pain. The reality of life is that it can end at any moment. Death is eminent. We will all die at some time or other. This realization helps us understand that we need to use our remaining time well.
Kara, shortly before her death said, "I feel like I’m a kid at a party, whose Father said it’s time to leave and go Home already….. And I am not afraid of dying — I just don’t want to go.” And who could blame her? Have you ever pondered how you might feel as you approach your last days here on Earth? I have done this recently. It's strange how cancer causes you to re-evaluate your life and how it shoves death right in your face. Watching Kara during her last weeks here, I realized the importance of dying well. Ann Voskamp, a wonderful Christian author and dear friend of Kara's said, "We love life more, the more we realize all this lovely life is transient." How very true her statement is to me. I've learned to love life more since being diagnosed, and Kara's life has been a wonderful example of not only living well, but dying well.
If you've never read Kara's book or her blog, you probably don't really know her. You may have heard her name as she was recently in the news when Brittany Maynard, a young woman diagnosed with a large brain tumor announced the specific day she had planned to take her own life through assisted suicide. Kara, though dying of stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, wanted to reach out to Brittany and make sure she knew that God had a plan for her life...that she didn't have to do this...that God had allotted her a specific number of days to live and no one could know that number except God Himself. Here's a short snippet of the letter for you: "Suffering is not the absence of goodness, it is not the absence of beauty, but perhaps it can be the place where true beauty can be known."
In your choosing your own death, you are robbing those that love you with the such tenderness, the opportunity of meeting you in your last moments and extending you love in your last breaths. As I sat on the bed of my young daughter praying for you, I wondered over the impossibility of understanding that one day the story of my young daughter will be made beautiful in her living because she witnessed my dying. That last kiss, that last warm touch, that last breath, matters — but it was never intended for us to decide when that last breath is breathed. Knowing Jesus, knowing that He understands my hard goodbye, He walks with me in my dying. My heart longs for you to know Him in your dying. Because in His dying, He protected my living. My living beyond this place. Brittany, when we trust Jesus to be the carrier, protecter, redeemer of our hearts, death is no longer dying. My heart longs for you to know this truth, this love, this forever living." (You can read Kara's complete letter to Brittany here.)
Kara was a wonderful, loving, caring, concerned mother and friend. Her faith was what carried her through her diagnosis and into her last days. She walked with God daily and made sure others knew He loved them. She lived well. She also died well. She died with dignity and grace. My hope is that I can follow in her footsteps when my time comes.
At 57, it seems the older I get the faster the days go by. Just yesterday it was Christmas and now, it's almost Easter. I feel an urgency to do the things I need to do before I pass away. When I was much younger, I never gave death a thought even though the Bible tell us that daily we are dying. As you think back over your life, can you say you've lived well? I hope you can. As you approach the later part of your life, do you ever think about whether or not you'll die well? I think about this often.
How can we learn to live well? To live well, according to Kara, is to live by faith...to walk daily with God and in His power...to love others and show them mercy. And how then can we learn to die well? Dying well involves trusting God completely....that even if He chooses to allow your life to experience suffering, that you will accept it as His good and perfect will for you...that you will be able to walk humbly with Him through every peak and valley and that you will continue to let your life be a reflection of His love.
Thank you, Kara, for such wonderful, valuable life lessons. Thank you for allowing me to call you friend. Thank you for taking time to answer emails and Facebook messages with silly questions and fearful thoughts when I first found out I had cancer. God used you to minister to my heart and I came to love you as a sister in Christ. Though you are now gone, you will never be forgotten. Your life touched so many and will continue to do so for generations. Rest in His presence, sweet Kara, and one day, we'll meet each other and I can express my gratitude to you personally.
Please pray for Kara's family...her husband, Jason, and her four children - Eleanor Grace, Harper Joy, Lake Edward, and Story Jane as they continue to grieve over their loss.
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| Kara's family |
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
"Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord—for we walk by faith, not by sight—we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:6–8
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