What to do, what to do???

The Cancer saga continues and in today's episode, there's a dilemma. The dilemma is one that demands my utmost attention. Now what exactly is the dilemma you wonder? I can almost see you sitting on the edge of your seat, biting your nails thinking what is it? What is it? Well....let me tell you about my dilemma.

Before Christmas, the Oncologist started me on Arimidex, which is a fairly new cancer drug. It's listed as an aromatase inhibitor and is the preferred drug of choice for women who are post menopausal. I'm an obedient patient and I took the medication as instructed. I even endured weeks of funky side effects but then, after being as compliant as I could be, I'd had all I could stand. I contacted the doctor's office and told him Arimidex was definitely not for me. After explaining all of my symptoms to the doctor, he instructed me to go off the medication until December 27. Being the good girl that I am, I did exactly as I was told.

For most of the month of December, I felt normal...well, as normal as you can feel when you've experienced the trauma of breast cancer, surgery, and radiation...but I felt pretty much like myself. Oh, now and then I had some emotional challenges and shed tons of unexpected and unexplained tears, but I made it through the holidays pretty much unscathed.

On December 27, being the obedient one, I began taking Tamoxifen as the doctor ordered. The first few days, I only had a slight headache and thought, "hey, this isn't going to be so bad afterall!" As the days went by, the side effects increased. First it was insomnia, then hot flashes and night sweats, then it was an inability to think straight, and then depression. The symptoms kept compounding and getting worse.

Two days ago, I experienced another side effect from Tamoxifen...the dreaded yeast infection. Sorry. I know that's TMI (too much information) but I'm just trying to keep it real here. Any woman who's had a yeast infection knows it is NOT something minor. A yeast infection is enough to drive a sane person onto the brink of insanity. So...this compliant woman...this unusually obedient person...MOI...became very upset and frustrated. Back and forth, I argued with myself. Should I or should I not continue taking the Tamoxifen? After much deliberation and prayer, I have decided to stop taking Tamoxifen. Now hold on a minute! Don't get your panties in a wad! I did weigh out the options and yes, I have called the doctor and told him everything...in fact, I'm waiting for a callback from his office as I type. And no...the yeast infection wasn't what made me make my decision, it was just the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

I don't know if my decision not to continue taking Tamoxifen is the perfect one, but I do know it's the right one for me. I can't keep going night after night with no sleep. I can't live my life in a state of drugged stupor where I can't even focus on mundane things. I won't trade my quality of life for my quantity of life...in fact, I know that nothing is going to detract one single minute of one single day from the specific amount of time God has allotted to me.

You might think I'm crazy, but I have a big faith. I know God is able to keep cancer cells from spreading throughout my body. I know He can completely heal me in an instant if He so chooses. I have a proven track record of His past answers to prayers for healing. I'm continuing to seek His will on this and if He guides me into trying another medication or type of treatment, I will obey. First and foremost, I always want to follow after my Savior. After all, He's the one who created me and He is the one who holds the minutes, hours, and days of my life in the palm of His hand. Who better to trust than Him?