As I sit at my computer this morning, I look out over my wooded lot and marvel at the change in seasons. The leaves on the trees are turning from a deep shade of green into various hues of oranges, reds, and browns. There is a brisk, cool breeze blowing and an air of anticipation on the wind...I can feel it. Autumn is here! My favorite time of year when the mornings are cool and the nights are scintillating. When fires in the fireplace and cups of hot chocolate are so very near...seasons. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven... a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8This season of my life seems to be a time of change. I'm no longer in the Spring of my life, the time when I would have considered myself young and vibrant...thriving. Neither am I in the Summer of my life, a time when I would be constantly on the move, going and doing. No, I'm in the Autumn of my life. Things that were once green and alive are in the process of changing and dying...like the sloughing off of unneeded and unnecessary layers. The transformation, though painful, hasn't necessarily been a bad thing. In fact, I think it's been rather good.This Autumn of my life has forced me to see things in a different light. Instead of feeling helpless and hopeless, I feel a sense of eagerness at something new on the horizon...just like Sam Cooke's song, "A Change is Gonna Come," I feel a change coming...something will soon be different in me.
My life has been so rich and so full. For 56 years, I've lived every single day to the fullest. I've made goals and dreamed dreams. I've grown and changed over and over again. First from childhood into adolescence, then from adolescence into a adulthood. I've enjoyed being a wife, a mother, a friend. I've experienced life as it's come full circle...as I've watched grandchildren be born and older family members die. There have been seasons of joy and pain, but one isn't complete without the other. Seasons. Life keeps going. Cancer has helped to change me and is still in the process of refining me even further. I'm no longer the person I once was in the past. I am different now...but in a good way.
As I stand watching leaves swirl around me, dancing on the wind, I wonder if I'll ever dance again. The leaves of my life are changing color one by one. The leaves must change color and fall dead to the ground so the Spring can come again with new life...a time of renewal and growth. To every thing there is a season and a time...this is my time for shedding negativity, for sloughing off unmet expectations, for dropping old hurts, bitterness, and unforgiveness. It's a time to let go. And as I release the parts of my life that are no longer needed, I'll stand bare in the Winter of my life, waiting with great expectation for Spring to come...new life, new leaves, a new season. Cancer, like the season of Autumn, has come for a time but it won't stay forever. It has come to help me remove the dross from my life and prepare me for the Springtime. I can feel a change coming and I know it's going to be a good one. Autumn may be here for a while yet, but Spring is on it's way.
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