Health challenges

It's a rainy day in Georgia...a cold, dreary, dismal day. In just a few minutes, I'll be leaving for the Cardiologist's office to have my heart monitor attached. This will be the fourth time I've gone to a doctor's office and come home looking like a suicide bomber. Dr. Mitchell, my Cardiologist, is hoping to discover what's causing all the PVC's (premature ventricular contractions) I've been having lately. The PVC's are a daily occurrence and have become so commonplace, I hardly notice them any longer. When they first started, I always felt like my heart was tap dancing in my chest and it scared me. Now I barely pay attention to them at all.

I've been on the Arimidex for 3 days now and so far, I haven't noticed any side effects other than some joint pain and headaches. In a month, I'll return to the Oncologist for a check up and to let him know what side effects have been troublesome. I'm hoping I don't experience any of the major side effects like bone fractures and mental changes. I'd like to remain in control of my faculties and I don't relish the idea of walking down a hallway and suddenly fracturing my hip.

The girls never made it out of the driveway. If you read my last post, you'll know that I had planned to wear my prostheses on Saturday. I had them on and we were about to pull out of the driveway when I made my husband stop the car and let me get out. They were just too heavy and I couldn't stand the pressure on my chest. I ran inside and removed Thing 1 and Thing 2, hastily throwing my mastectomy bra on the bed. What a relief to be rid of those cumbersome things!

The holidays are just around the corner and I've been hopeful that my family would rally around and support me by deciding to come and give thanks for all God has done this year, but my hopes were dashed today when Jamie told me that she was the only one coming to celebrate with us. I am heart broken to have a fractured family but it is what it is. I will celebrate anyway...with or without them. God has blessed me so much this year and for that I am extremely grateful.

In my quiet time this morning, God took me to Psalm 46. He keeps sending me there and showing me the words "be still and know." This morning, I did a word study on the word "still" in both Greek and Hebrew. It was amazing to find that the word means to release or let go...to surrender. I've been trying to carry my burdens alone for such a long time. God has been working on my heart and reminding me that He is in control and I am not. He wants me to open my hands...loosen my grip...and let everything fall out of them. With empty hands, I can receive what He wants to give me. I am overwhelmed and grateful...

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