I was nervous, excited, anxious and anticipating the moment of arrival to baggage claim where my mom, stepdad and sister would pick me up. I wasn't sure how I'd feel seeing my mom for the first time. I wanted to throw my arms around her and hug her tightly but I thought hug her gently. My mom looked the same. She was still my mom and I was soo glad to see her. I really didn't notice her chest was flatter or non existent. As we headed out of the airport I watched as my mom hesitated for one of us to open the door for her. Even something as simple as opening a door was too much for her. We had a great dinner together and before dinner was even over I noticed she was a bit quieter and seemed tired. We decided to grab some frozen yogurt before heading home for the night. As we got out of the van she pulled my sister's side sliding door closed out of habit realizing only afterwards that maybe she shouldn't have done that. We arrived home and all sat down for a little to watch some tv. Mom tried to stay up with us and she did for quite a while but then she was ready to turn in for the night. She started to leave the room and then asked if I could help her get her over shirt off her head because it was difficult to raise her arms and Phil had already gone to bed. I told her sure I'd help.
After removing it she proceeded to get on her pj tank. I asked if she needed help with her surgical camisole and she said no I can slide that down. She said I don't wanna gross you out. It's pretty hideous. I said no mom you won't. Then I saw the scars that I had been unsure of how I'd react once I saw them and was even unsure of if I wanted to see them. It wasn't anything like I imagined. Across her chest were too dark colored lines that extended around under each arm pit. In the middle was a slight raised area that was a result of the surgery swelling. I wasn't grossed out or repulsed. My heart loved my mom even more. I also felt so very thankful that she is alive. I gave her another gentle hug and off she went to bed.
On Sunday, we had a cookout with our family. My mom told me before I flew in she wanted me to help organize and do a surprise birthday party for our step dad. I awoke early wanting to spend every moment with my mom. She had already begun making breakfast. I told her she shouldn't do that. I could cook and she said no let me do it while I feel good. I didn't argue even tho I knew later she'd regret it. I let her because I know how she loves to be hospitable and take care of us kids. After breakfast I could tell she was tired. Jamie and I had already decided to go to the store for her. She stayed home with Phil. When we got back we had a quick lunch. Then we all sat back to relax a little before my sister, her husband and my niece came in. Mom kept getting up to do something or go check on something in the office. I kept urging her to sit down. And even suggested a nap. She wouldn't. Finally she sat down for about 10-15 min before my sister arrived. It was strange to be in the kitchen making all the food, thinking mom normally does this. My sister, Laura and I prepared all the sides and made the burgers. Jamie and mom went outside to prep the grill so it would be hot after Phil and David had run to the corner store to pick up some beans. I looked out the window and saw mom scrubbing the grill grates. I hollered for my sister to tell her to stop. I knew she was over doing it. She wouldn't listen tho. She had also gone outside earlier and taken photos of my niece for her first birthday. I knew that was too much for her as well as it's hard for her to hold up the camera. She stopped the photo shoot early saying she had a few good ones already. I knew she had stopped because it was tiring. My sisters and I cleaned all the food away and dishes after dinner. I think everyone could tell it had been too much for her today. Everyone started to get ready to leave. Leaving earlier than they normally would. They all had to travel back to their homes to prepare for the work week. After everyone was gone mom sat down in her leather overstuffed recliner and just melted into the seat. She stayed up for about another hour then went to bed. It was weird to see my mom being so tired. If you know my mom, she never slows down and does everything. But today she was much slower and each move more calculated.
Now I will tell you about today, Monday. Today we had a simple breakfast microwave sausage biscuits with berries. As we sat down to eat mom admitted she over did it yesterday. She said I know you're gonna say I told you so! Then we decided to go to town to try to find a few thrift stores. As we pulled out I saw mom holding her seat belt out. It hurt her to have it against her chest. I didn't ask her but I wondered at the first store if she felt self conscious. By the third store I could tell she was getting tired and was walking slower. I also knew it was too laborious to carry her purse which was light as a feather compared to mine. So I carried it for her. I knew she wasn't going to make it for much longer so I said let's go home. She finally admitted yes I really am tired and need to go home. I told her it was fine. We came home and relaxed. I then vacuumed the entire house for her because she asked me to. I felt glad to do this for her, knowing how much she enjoys her home to be clean. Just being out this morning made her arms swell from the gravity of having them down. She is now sitting with them propped up. It's hard to see my mom not be able to go and do like she wants to. I am thankful she is having to rest more. She needs it.
I love my mom and I am thankful she is alive and doing ok. I hope that one day she will regain full strength but for now she is getting by ok.
