Little Miss Know it All

I'm a planner. I like order. I find security in knowing what's going to happen next, so when I found out I had Cancer, I just knew I was going to have to go through Chemotherapy. I made the decision to be proactive. I should have known better but I forged ahead. I was extremely emotional that day.

As My husband and I were driving back from a doctor's appointment, I begged him to stop at the nearest salon. I wanted to get my hair cut short. I don't know why I felt like I had to do it at that very moment, but I did. Maybe I felt like things in my life were totally out of control and that was the one thing I could control at that very point in time, I'm really not sure, but I wanted it done immediately.  We stopped at one shop after the other and none of them had any openings for walk ins. On we drove and my tears began to flow. Finally, we came to a Super Cuts. I knew I'd be able to get my hair cut there because they don't take appointments. We went in, waited about ten minutes, and I was in the chair having my precious locks sheared off. I've always loved my hair and wanted it to be long and luscious, but most of my life it's been chin length or shorter. This time it was extremely short because I'd asked the stylist for a pixie cut.

Fast forward...it's been a little over 2 months now since my Cancer diagnosis. I've been waiting for the doctor to say, "you'll begin chemo treatments next week." Imagine my surprise when last week, He told me chemo was unnecessary in my case! I was elated but humbled at the same time. I realized that I had run ahead of God. In my desire to be proactive and cut my hair anticipating chemo, God had other plans. I couldn't help but pray asking Him for forgiveness. I should have waited...should have trusted...should have been patient, but just like most things in my life, I'm always running ahead trying to do things in my own way and in my own timing. God continually reminds me that I'm out of step with Him when I do that. I need to work on that.

My closet is filled with various scarves, hats, and wigs now, both borrowed and new. These are things I won't need now. Yet again, I ran ahead of God. So today, Little Miss Know it All (ME), has decided to stop running ahead of God. I'm going to sync up my steps with Him. Instead of running far ahead of Him, I'm going to temper my gait to match His exactly...and while I often won't know where we're going, I know if I stay close by His side, He'll only take me where I need to go. I won't make the mistake of running ahead of Him and doing things unnecessarily. I won't put myself through unneeded stress. I'll be able to relax and take one step at a time knowing that He knows the way and little Miss Know it All doesn't.

If I hadn't jumped the gun, my hair would be past my shoulders by now. As it is, I'm working on growing out this pixie cut. It's frustrating to grow out super short hair because it takes soooo long to get past that horrid "stuck in your collar" stage. I won't complain though because I know it's my own fault. I'm the one who was in such a hurry to cut it off. God is using this to remind me to be patient.

Why do you think it's important to God that patience grows inside us? It's because God's timing is not our timing. He is always doing more than we see or know. It is important that we never run ahead. He sets the pace and only He knows where the path leads. Our job is just to be willing to walk WITH Him.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

 

Burned bacon, radiation

This morning I was in the mood for a nice breakfast so I pulled out the eggs and the bacon. Usually, I just eat a bowl of cereal or some Greek yogurt, but today I was actually hungry. I cracked the eggs and scrambled them in a bowl. I didn't really want to cook the bacon on the stove top so I decided to microwave it. I looked on the back of the package of Butterball Turkey bacon for instructions on cooking times but there were none. I figured that I would have to wing it. (no pun intended!)

I put the bacon on a couple of napkins atop a microwave safe place and slid it into the oven. I guessed that it would take about 2 minutes for 3 pieces of bacon. I set the timer and went about cooking the eggs so everything would be perfectly timed and ready to eat. Before the microwave timer went off, I began to smell a rank odor. When I opened the microwave door, I saw the bacon was perfectly cooked on the outer edges but the center had a huge, black, burned area. For some reason, seeing that burned area made me think of radiation.

On Tuesday, I meet with the radiation oncologist for mapping and tattooing. I'll also go through a CT scan and a radiation simulation session. I'm trying to be brave but I'm really nervous about it. The doctor has already warned me that after about the second treatment my energy level will hit an all time low. She said to just "go with it" and rest whenever my body said it needed to rest. I'm not good at resting, but I guess I'll have choice.

The internet has both good and bad information on radiation therapy. Some sites, like breastcancer.org, give good detailed, accurate information while other sites have photos and horror stories on them. I know I shouldn't have done it, but curiosity got the better of me and when I first found out I needed radiation therapy, I Googled it. Some of the photos of burned Cancer patients were pretty severe. As I remembered those photos, my mind went back to the bacon.

I don't know why my bacon burned in the middle...a perfect black circle of crispness, but it made me stop and pray. I asked God to keep me protected from the dangerous radiation waves that might cause burning and scarring. The radiation techs are highly skilled, I'm sure, but it unnerves me to think of myself in a situation similar to bacon in a microwave!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved