Post operative report

Right before Christmas, I was watching the movie, the Family Stone with one of my daughters. We've seen it dozens of times, but this time was different. In the movie, there's a scene were Diane Keaton is lying on her bed with her shirt unbuttoned. She has nothing underneath and as the camera zooms in, you can see an obvious mastectomy scar. Diane takes her husband's hand and slowly moves it toward her chest. With tear filled eyes, she longs to feel his touch again. It's always a very surreal but tender moment in the movie. I've seen that scene many times before but this time, it was almost as if I heard a small voice behind me saying "that's going to be you." Little did I know that indeed, not more than 6 months later, I was the one looking at my scars...

It's been one week and one day since my surgery. Today I went in for my post operative report. I've been anxious about going for this visit because I knew I'd receive the results of my surgical pathology report. The results showed that I have metastatic carcinoma in my sentinel lymph node. While I'm thankful there was no cancer found in the other 5 nodes she biopsied, I was devastated to find out that my cancer is spreading. I guess you'd say I got slapped in the face with reality today. Even after having both breasts removed, I haven't really accepted that I have cancer. Three little words...you have cancer. They are so devastating and change your life in a heartbeat. 

My next step is to see the Oncologist, which will happen in about 2-3 weeks. We are waiting on results from the Oncotype test. That test will reveal how fast the cancer might spread and what types of treatment it will respond to best. I know I will have radiation and need to take Tamoxifen for the next 10 years but I'm not sure about chemotherapy yet. The test results will give us that information. 

As Laura drove me from the doctor's office to pickup my surgical camisoles, all I could think was about how quickly the year is flying by. We're almost at the end of July and soon it will be August. Then Christmas will be right around the corner. As I thought of Christmas, my mind journeyed back to the movie. Diane Keaton has passed away by the time the family celebrates their next Christmas. Will that be what happens to me too? I'm not ready to read how the story of my life ends yet. I'm just feeling very numb right now and trying to process it all.