“Maybe I can get through this.”
“No, I don't think so, I'm too weak.”
“This is too big for me to do by myself, I can't possibly do this.”
“My plan did not include this.”
“How can this be?”
“Why would God let this happen to me?”
“This will ruin everything.”
“I can’t do this.”
"I don't want to do this!"
Those are words I've thought to myself recently. With those kinds of words, our paths get lonely. And scary. And darker than the night. Terrifying, confusing, disorienting.
Sometimes we feel like we’ve been knocked out and we wake up to find that our path has become completely unrecognizable. Getting back on our feet takes a long time and makes us feel resentful because of the time we lose picking ourselves up…time we could have spent making progress on the path.
We wonder what happened to the pleasant views…the sweet smells and soft breezes we’d enjoyed before. Sometimes they become impossible to remember and we start to think there’s only ever been darkness on our path.
In those shadowy places, we are left to feel our way through the darkness. Even though we’d rather stop…even though we can’t imagine what could possibly be in front of us, we move forward…and in the driving rain and the howling wind, we learn new things about ourselves. We learn new things about our God. We learn to close our eyes and get quiet and listen. We learn to trust the path.
Eventually we learn that every winding, twisting, dark, scary part of the path ends and relief is found. When we have passed that place and can look back, we see lessons we wouldn’t have learned, people we wouldn’t have met, experiences we come to treasure.
When we look back, we see compassion and love and gratitude and purpose that was waiting for us in the dark place. We learn that the path is leading us to Truth, and that Truth intends to see us through. We learn that our paths won’t be all sunshine and roses…they couldn’t be. But we also learn that they won’t be all darkness and fear. We become more and more okay with the twists and turns….more and more grateful for blue skies and views that take our breath away. And we walk on…rain or shine.
Just like manna in the wilderness, we learn that God's grace is new every morning. He gives us a fresh supply because His grace can't be stored up and used tomorrow. His grace is sufficient for today, the Bible tells us. His grace is what carries along those difficult paths. His grace is what's carrying me.
Most of you know that I love hiking! I love being out in the woods where it's quiet and peaceful and filled with beauty. One of my favorite places to hike is on the Appalachian trail. You can jump on the trail at different points in North Georgia and states along the eastern coast. The trails vary in intensity and difficulty. They wind along magnificent waterfalls and rocky crags. They twist and turn and fall. They are perfect places for introspection. I've learned a lot about myself on those trails. I've faced many fears there and I've also found both inner and physical strength along those trails. Around every turn there's something new to see. It might be a fern covered forest floor, a wildflower filled canyon, or a deep, dark cave. The woods are filled with wildlife and the interesting sounds of nature. To me, those paths are precious gems...hidden treasures, to be protected and preserved.
Those paths are ones I've chosen to travel many times in the past. I've prepared for them...planned where to enter and where to exit...geared up and packed my bag. I looked forward to traversing them. But, unlike those paths I've anticipated, I've been struggling with the path I'm currently on. I didn't plan to ever take this path. This Cancer path has been full of stones and roots and steep places. I've tripped and fallen many times and I'm sure I'll do it again and again. There have been places along the path were I've become very fearful because I was unable to see around the next bend. Sometimes the darkness has been overpowering. But as I walk on, placing one foot in front of the other, I trust God's grace to be sufficient. Just like the manna, I have to be willing to go out and gather enough for today's journey. I can't store up grace for tomorrow. So today, I woke up early. I had grace to gather. I have a difficult path today and I'm going to need it.
Although I don't know what today holds, I'm determined to walk on. Yes, I may get tired along the way and if I do, I'm going to stop and rest. I might even need to pull out my walking sticks for extra support, but I'm going to do it. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot...I press on.
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