Can I ask you a question? Why do you come to my blog? I mean, really? You must get so tired of my whining and complaining. I don't mean to...really, I don't. I try not to make too much noise but today is just one of those days. If you want to leave now, I'll understand.
I'm hurting today...a lot. Usually, I'm not very aware of my spine as I go about my day to day activities. Today, I've been very aware of it. It's been screaming at me, telling me that something isn't right. My mid back, C-5 through 7, are not happy. My sacral disks, L-1 through 5, aren't happy either. My spine is in bad shape and when you're back's not happy, you know it. Moving hurts. Sitting hurts. Standing helps. Thank goodness the oncologist prescribed pain pills for me. I don't like to take them, but some days it's necessary.
For the past few days it seems my pain has increased exponentially. I'm not sure why but I do know my extremely low Vitamin D level is partly to blame. The 4 bulging disks in my spine, along with severe osteoarthritis are another contributing factor, but other than that...I have no clue. I don't even want to entertain thoughts that the cancer might be back, but sadly, that thought has crossed my mind more than once over the past few days.
Thinking about the possibility of recurrence has led me to do a lot of research today. I've spent hours pouring over internet articles regarding detoxification and breast cancer. There's an awful lot of information out there. Some of the articles are from medical journals and some are from holistic healer wannabes. I have to be very careful with the information and glean the good from the bad.
I know my body isn't healthy. In fact, this is the worst I've felt in my entire life. I don't like feeling this way and I've decided to do something about it. It's my body and I'm the one who has to live with it, so I have to be proactive about doing any and everything I can to live as long as I can. God knows the number of days He's allotted to me, but I want to be a good steward of the time I have left on this earth.
This weekend we'll be heading off to the beach for some much needed rest and relaxation. While there, I intend to do a lot of reading about detoxification. Hopefully I'll get some good ideas on where to begin. I know there will be many changes I'll make to my diet and completely eliminating sugar will be the first of those changes.
Last year, on the weekend of July 4th, I spent my time at the beach reflecting on my life. While there, it was an extremely emotional time. I knew just a few days later I'd be going through major surgery to remove both breasts. The reality of cancer hit me very hard. This trip to the beach will also be difficult. It will be hard to be there again and remember all the changes I've been through since being diagnosed.
The beach is where I always feel closest to God. The beauty and majesty of the sea always reminds me of His magnificent power. When I'm there, my heart stills and I can hear His voice so clearly. It will be good to get away from all all the city noise. In the Bible, we're told that Jesus often went away to quiet places to pray.
It is my hope that making changes to my diet and lifestyle will help my body recover. Perhaps all those toxins and free radicals floating around in my system will be eliminated and I'll be rejuvenated. I need it desperately.
I'll be taking the next week or so to rest, relax, and recuperate from the physical pain. We have to listen to our bodies. When we learn to understand what they are saying to us, we can hear when it's time to make changes. We only get one body and it's so important to take good care of the one we have. Mine hasn't been well cared for in a long time. It's time to get back on track.
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