I entered the Radiation/Oncology office and swiped my ID scan badge that I'd been given on my last visit. Each time I enter for tests or treatment, I will need to swipe my badge so they can record my visit. A nurse I hadn't met yet came out to get me. She had trouble pronouncing my last name so I told her to make it easy on herself and just call me Bonnie. She laughed and took me back to the dressing room. After donning a lovely seafoam green gown, I waited for Pam, the nurse, to return.
We walked down a long hallway and Pam led me into a room with a huge CT machine in the center of the room. It looked like a huge, cavernous, mouth waiting to devour me! She had me stand beside the CT table while she mixed up some sort of solution and poured it into a very large black bag that looked a lot like a Hefty garbage bag. She squished the solution around inside of the bag for a few minutes and then flattened it out on the table. She told me that she was going to position me and needed me to hold that position while she helped me lie back onto the black bag. "Before you lie back, just know it's going to be quite warm," she said. She took my arm and helped me begin to lean back. It was painful to lie flat. I hadn't been in that position since my surgery. I'd been sleeping at night propped up on a wedge shaped pillow with pillows under each arm for support.
As Pam continued to lean me backward, all of my chest muscles were pulling and tugging. They were so tight and I was surprised at how much it hurt. She saw me wince a few times and told me she would try to hurry in the process. As my back touched the bag, I could feel instant warmth surrounding my body. The extreme heat felt wonderful to me but Pam said, "most people find this very uncomfortable." I told her that I was always cold and it felt great to me.Within a few minutes, the liquid foam she'd poured into the bag began to harden around me. She explained that the foam mold they were making would be used each time I came for treatment, and would help ensure that I was positioned exactly the same way each time.
Dr. Santiago entered the room and said hello. She was talking to me but I couldn't see her because the foam mold held my body so that I couldn't turn my head. Finally she realized I was unable to move and she came around the table to the other side. She explained that she was about to do my mapping and the marks she would make on my torso would provide guidelines for the radiology tech during treatment. I couldn't see what she was doing. At times, I could feel her making marks on my body but in the areas around my incisions, I didn't feel a thing because my skin is still numb there. I had no idea how many marks the doctor made, but she continued to draw on me for several minutes. Pam placed clear dot sized bandages over the top of many of the markings. She explained to me that those dots were very important and I should not get them wet or allow them to be removed. When she was finished placing the clear bandages, Pam ran me back through the CT machine again. The machine whirred loudly and sounded like a small jet engine. The only thing painful about the procedure was the way I was having to lie on the table with my arms outstretched over my head.
Finally we were done and Pam helped me sit up. I felt a little dizzy at first. She had me sit there a few minutes until I felt well enough to stand. I was led back into the dressing room and told to place my used gown in a biohazard bin. When I removed the gown to put my shirt back on, I glanced in the mirror. I had markings all over my chest and abdomen. I also had a mark in the center of the side of my neck. I had asked Dr. Santiago about the wide range of marks while she was placing them on me and she told me that the field she'd chosen was to ensure all of the Cancer would be eradicated. She said they were being very aggressive with the treatment plan and the reason they were going as high on my neck as she'd marked was because the Cancer liked to travel that route. The mirror revealed several lines, dots, and even a huge X just under the location of where my right breast used to be. I took a picture of my torso while looking in the mirror. I won't put it on this blog post, but I did want to keep it for my own personal documentation of this journey.
As I looked at the markings on my torso, I couldn't help but think it looked like a pirate's treasure map. I thought it was funny that I had a huge X in the center of my belly. "X marks the spot," I said, hoping none of the staff heard me. (Somewhere I remembered I'd read that phrase was put into use by the British army long ago. They would mark a piece of paper with a black x and would place it over the heart of someone sentenced to death.The acting officer would say "X marks the spot" and the firing squad would shoot the x. Pirates later took up the phrase using the X to indicate the position of a buried treasure.)
I placed my gown in the biohazard bin and as I left the center for the day, Pam said, "see you next week. We'll go over the results of the CT scan with Dr. Santiago and she'll review the treatment plan with you again. More than likely, your radiation won't start until the day after Labor day." I was glad to hear that...a few more weeks of "normalcy."
On the way home, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things. I had to remind myself not to lift anything heavy with my right arm. Both arms are still very swollen from the lymphedema but I was told to be very cautious with the right arm. When I got home, I was extremely tired. I can't wait to show my husband the "treasure map" on my chest when He comes home from work. I just know he's going to laugh when he sees it. I love hearing him laugh. Laughter has been in short supply around here lately and I could sure use a laugh today.
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