There's an old saying that goes "hindsight is 20/20." The saying is easily understood meaning that as we look back on a situation, we can often see clearly what we couldn't see while in the midst of the situation. I've experienced this many times in my life but especially on this journey through the valley of Cancer.
Around March 1, I was taking a shower when I discovered a hard mass in my right breast. It didn't feel like the typical lump that most people talk about finding during breast self examinations, so I didn't think much about it. We were in the process of putting our home up for sale and moving to a new location so we were extremely busy. Very quickly I forgot about finding the mass and threw myself into packing and moving. Before the end of March, we'd moved into a lovely new home and were busy unpacking. The days went quickly by and within weeks, we felt settled and situated. Today is the fourth day following my double mastectomies and as I look back on all the events that have led up to this day, I realize that although I didn't see clearly what was going on, God did.
God has amazing character attributes and one of the attributes that I admire most is His love and His provision. To understand His character more clearly, it's beneficial to study about His names. One of my favorites is His name, Jehovah Jireh. This name means "The Lord Provides" or "God our Provider." The name is derived from two Latin words, pro (meaning before or beforehand) and video- (meaning to see, or see). To clarify for you, this name of God means that He sees beforehand. He realizes and provides for our needs even before we know we have a need. It's important for you to understand this concept as I look back over my Cancer journey to date.
A timeline will help you see a little more easily how God saw my needs beforehand and provided for them even when I wasn't aware of what He was doing. (I'll make notes in red of God's special provisions.)
March 1: I discovered the mass in my breast (I was not afraid when I felt the mass. God gave me a sense of peace that I can only explain as His protection as I look backward at the situation.)
March 28: We closed on our home (our home wasn't even on the market a full week before we had a contract on it! God made provision even when we were afraid our older home wouldn't sell!)
March 29: We moved into our new home (God provided a home only 8 miles from my husband's workplace. It's much smaller so it's less to take care of and is only one level! God knew I wouldn't be able to perform a lot of housework once I found out that Cancer would be a new part of my life.)
May 1: I kept feeling a nagging sense that I needed to find a doctor in Newnan (God prompted me over and over again so I wouldn't ignore the mass in my breast. Even though it felt like nothing much to me, He knew it needed immediate attention!)
May 16: I did an internet search to find an OB/GYN in this area (I had no idea what kind of doctor I needed to see about the mass but God prompted me to call an OB/GYN)
May 27: I had my first appointment with Dr. Dyson (the OB/GYN) where she felt the mass and referred me to have more testing done at Southern Cresent Women's Healthcare (God gave wisdom to the doctor to send me for further testing and I am very grateful for not only His prompting, but her listening!)
May 28: I had two diagnostic mammograms done and an ultrasound. The radiologist discovered a suspicious mass and suggested I have a vacuum core needle biopsy done (God allowed the radiologist to see clearly that there was a problem on the ultrasound screen. I remember the doctor commenting that the mass looked like a one armed crab. Crab, by the way, is the meaning of the word Cancer!)
June 2: I had the vacuum core needle biopsy done and tissue samples sent to pathology (God prompted the radiologist to order further testing. The tissue samples revealed the malignant cells)
June 5: I received the oral report from the doctor of radiology that my tissue was malignant (CANCER) (God knew before I did that the report was going to reveal Cancerous cells in the mass. When I answered the phone call, I had no idea that I would receive the shocking news while I was alone in the house. God knew I needed to process it in my own way and in my own timing therefore, He allowed the call to come when no one was home but me.)
June 6: I received a written copy of the pathology report in the mail (God knew I needed to see the results in writing so He prompted the written report to be mailed so quickly.)
June 9: Dr. Dyson's office recommended I see Dr. Nicole Sroka (a breast specialist surgeon) in Fayetteville (God had already planned for me to see one of the best breast surgeons in Georgia even before Dr. Dyson's office recommended Dr. Sroka! When I did research on her via the internet, I found that she is one of the very best in this area. Why would God give me anything less than the very best...afterall, He loves me with an everlasting love!)
June 11: Dr. Sroka met with me for over 2 hours discussing all aspects of surgery giving detailed diagrams and advice (God knows I am a very visual person so He worked it out so Dr. Sroka would be running late that day which in turn caused our appointment to run an hour late. The office staff had already left at 5pm but Dr. Sroka told me she was going to sit down with me and take as long as I needed so she could make sure I understood exactly what was going on and what the game plan would be. She stayed with me in the exam room for 2 hours sketching and explaining every little detail of the surgery to me. She was extremely patient and kind. God reassured me that He had everything under control!)
June 23: We met with a lawyer to prepare our personal wills (God knows I'm a practical person and allowed us to have time to take care of business before my surgery. He provided an attorney who helped us write up wills, medical directives, and powers of attorney.)
June 28: Two very dear friends came to spend the day with us and ministered God's love to me (God knew how scared I was about the surgery and he sent one of my very best friends to come and comfort me!)
July 2: My daughter, Laura, came to stay overnight with us and take me to my pre-operative appointments (God knew I would need extra moral support, so He prompted Laura to want to come be with me during testing)
July 3: Pre-operative tests were performed at Piedmont Hospital in Fayetteville (God knew all the tests that the doctor would need to have done before my surgery. He provided kind people to assist me and make sure my needs were met)
July 4: We traveled to the beach for a mini vacation and to process all of the medical news we'd received (God knows how long it takes me to process things and He made a way for us to spend time at the beach. A hurricane was brewing off the coast of Florida and we thought the trip would be a total wash out, but God blew the hurricane winds away and let us have bright, sunny days of perfection!)
July 7: We returned home (God gave us a safe trip back home and allowed us time to spend in prayer before more testing)
July 8: Returned to Piedmont Fayetteville for radioactive dye injections in both breasts (God prompted the doctor to order these tests to reveal whether or not malignant cells were in my lymph nodes)
July 9: Surgery was performed to remove both breasts and lymph nodes from each arm (Surgery took about 4 hours. God guided Dr. Sroka's hands and brought me through the surgery safely.)
July 10: Released from the hospital late day (around 5:30 p.m.) (Nurses were very busy but God provided one lab tech,named Darci, to be my constant help. She went above and beyond the call of duty to serve me. God allowed me to progress in my healing so I could leave the hospital and be back in the comforts of my home)
July 12: My new friend, Karen Fedder, came to visit and share about her Cancer journey (God provided a sweet new friend who's already traveled the Cancer road. She has been able to give me advice, helpful hints, tips and help me know what to expect without sugar coating anything.)
This week, on July 17, my daughter, Laura, will come to stay overnight again so she can drive me to the doctor's office on July 18. I will receive my post operative report that day and will learn my treatment plan. Whatever the results may be, I know that God already knows them. Whatever the tests reveal, I know He's going to walk me through the next steps of treatment.
We are often taken by surprise whenever we experience unexpected circumstances or events in our lives but God is never surprised! He knows in advance what the future holds for us. He cares about anything that touches our lives and He has already made provision for our needs! Looking backward, it's easier to see how God's provided exactly what we needed when in the midst of trials, although sometimes we wonder if He's even there while we're going through them. I'm so thankful that God sees everything beforehand. I'm also thankful that I don't really have eyes in the back of my head. I have enough to process in the things I can see right in front of me. I don't think I could handle it if I could see what's going on behind me at the same time! While hindsight is 20/20, I'm glad God often conceals things in my path until He knows I'm ready to process and handle them. He is so merciful and kind! I am so thankful that He is trustworthy too!
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