Saturday morning I began to get very nauseated. At first, I thought it was something I had eaten, but I quickly ruled that out as I remembered I'd gone cold turkey from my cancer medication. It was terrible! My stomach felt worse than it ever had before...even worse than morning sickness or the flu! I couldn't keep anything down, not even saltines or ginger-ale. I was pitiful. My sweet husband tried his best to take care of me. I spent the entire day in the bathroom clinging to the toilet or in the bed moaning and groaning. It was not a pretty sight.
Maybe I should have researched the medication a little before deciding to abruptly stop taking it. I didn't even think about the dangers of going cold turkey...I just knew I had to stop because of what it was doing to my body. I prayed before deciding to stop and felt a peace about my decision. My husband agreed with me, so I knew it would be okay. (I haven't discussed it with my oncologist yet, but I plan to call him soon and let him know. I'm sure he won't be happy about my decision, but he'll just have to accept it. I have to do what is best for my quality of life, after all, it's my body.)
It was no surprise when fear came creeping in later that day and the "what ifs" started filling my head with nonsense. I had to quickly rid my mind of wondering about a recurrence of cancer now that I had no medication to keep it away...funny how Satan always tries to attack me with that, but my God is bigger! And why would I go looking for trouble anyway???
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered how often we worry needlessly, seek out problems, or fret over things we can’t control? God tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6. Our minds can get so wrapped up in worry that we miss the blessings of the day. I have a choice to worry about the cancer coming back or to celebrate the fact that it is gone. I want to spend every day praising God for healing me and giving me cancer free days, not anxiously wondering if it will return.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matt. 6:25-34
What does worry do for us anyway? There is no good in it. While we are to be responsible with our lives and our health, there is no need to fear. I plan to take good care of my cancer free body: eat nutritious food, exercise, actively manage stress, rest well, praise the God who saved me, spend time with family and friends, and refuse to worry! I'm not going to go looking for trouble. Each day God chooses to give me is a gift and I plan to look forward to it and celebrate it.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matt. 6:25-34
What does worry do for us anyway? There is no good in it. While we are to be responsible with our lives and our health, there is no need to fear. I plan to take good care of my cancer free body: eat nutritious food, exercise, actively manage stress, rest well, praise the God who saved me, spend time with family and friends, and refuse to worry! I'm not going to go looking for trouble. Each day God chooses to give me is a gift and I plan to look forward to it and celebrate it.
This is a new year and it's high time I start focusing on the blessing of life God has set before me. I refuse to let fear have power over me any more. I am no longer going to allow those thoughts of recurrence to enter my mind. The Bible tells me I am to hold EVERY thought captive. 2 Corinthians 10:4–5 says, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh. But the weapons of our warfare have divine power to destroy strongholds.[First,] we destroy arguments and every lofty or proud opinion raised against the knowledge of God and [second,] we then take every thought captive.”
I know I'm in the midst of warfare. Satan wants me to be fearful and worry. He wants me to wonder every day if the cancer has returned and is growing somewhere in my body. But God wants my focus to be on Him and to remember He is in control! That is why it's so important for me to keep my blinders on and to keep my eyes fixed on Christ. If I don't keep looking straight ahead, I might just find myself looking for trouble and I certainly don't want that!
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