Catching a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I smoothed down my shirt and smiled. Most women in their mid 50s worry about their top half sagging, but not me. Though I've never been well endowed, my once size C breasts had been transformed into flat nothingness. I feel lighter and less encumbered. The scale even reveals I've lost weight since my surgery...I wonder how much each of them weighed???
Today, I'm going back to see the doctor because I have some unnatural swelling. She warned me that I could develop a seroma (a fluid filled sack of lymphatic fluid) after my surgery. My daughter is coming to take me since I can't drive yet, and I thought just maybe, I would insert the polyfilled breast forms into my camisole so I would look a little better.
I took the tan, fabric colored poly filled breasts forms and held them in my hands. These were loaners from a new friend of mine. She was kind enough to lend me a post surgical camisole complete with fake boobs ("foobs" in the breast cancer world). Since surgery, I haven't been able to stand anything touching my chest. The incisions are so tender and raw but the camisole she lent me has helped protect my chest from undue friction and pain. These "foobs" must be a size DD! They seemed huge to me! I inserted the breast forms into the camisole. It has special pockets sewn right into the top especially for holding the "foobs" in place. After inserting them, I slowly repositioned the camisole over my chest. The poly filled forms weren't too heavy, in fact, you could barely feel them.
I looked at my profile in the mirror. The only difference between Barbie (made by Mattel) and me was the scarring. But that didn't bother me because it signified everything I'd been through. These breast forms were massive though and just didn't look natural to me. These would never do. I removed the breast forms and went back to my flattened state. Yes, much better. Why had I been so concerned about my appearance? Why had I worried about what others might think? When did our society become so obsessed with bosoms? Why do women feel the need to present their femininity by showing their chests? The more I thought about those questions, the more I realized I was happy not to have to worry about my breasts any more.
Breasts were made to be functional...to feed babies. God gave women breasts to meet the needs of her children but our society has become breast obsessed. Commercials focus on women's chests as they zoom in while advertising their newest product. It's all about sex appeal and a woman's breasts represent their sexiness. Magazines enhance their model's assets by Photoshopping in the correct amount of cleavage. Women's fashions cater to baring cleavage. Young girls long for their breasts to develop and often stuff their bras with tissue to simulate bigger breasts. We are a nation of obsessed breast people! There's even a restaurant/bar named after them....HOOTERS.
Just look at the actresses who've made their breasts their best asset. And if they weren't naturally endowed, they went to the plastic surgeon, put in their order and came out with a picture perfect perky pair. Some of those actresses went way overboard with their "foob" selections. Pamela Sue Anderson went for the jumbo size breast implants and then later decided to have them reduced to a more comfortable, convenient size. Breast implants, whether silicone or saline need to be replaced about every 10 years according to plastic surgeons. The implants can leak or harden causing unwanted physical appearance.
What was I thinking?! I don't need these poly filled fake boobs to make me feel like a woman today. I'll go to the doctor without anything filling my shirt but my big heart. If people I meet feel uncomfortable because I don't have mini mountains in front of my chest, so be it. If they stare at me, oh well. If I have the opportunity to tell them my story; I'll seize the moment and make sure they know how devastating having Breast Cancer really is to a woman.
No matter how large or small a woman's breast are, they shouldn't be the representation of their femininity. A woman's beauty comes from her heart. In the Bible, Proverbs 31 describes the perfect picture of a godly woman. She is filled with compassion and love. She works hard to provide for her family. She is reverent and fears God. She isn't focused on her outward appearance so why are we? Big boobs don't make me a better person. They don't make me more feminine. Who wants someone ogling their chest anyway? I'll take being flat chested any day. Move over Twiggy, perhaps we'll set a new trend!
© bonnie annis all rights reserved
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
