Stormy Seas

I was reading Mark 4:35-41 today. I've read those verses many times before but something was different today. The disciples are with Jesus and he asks them to go with him on a journey. He invites them to climb into his boat and go across the sea with him. As they are going out into the water, the winds start to whip and the waves get bigger. A full-fledged storm is brewing and it's no ordinary storm...it's Hurricane strength! What does Jesus do? He goes into the stern of the boat, lays His head down on a leather cushion and falls asleep. The boat starts taking on water as the disciples become more and more afraid. They are in FULL FREAK OUT MODE and decide that it's time to wake Jesus up.

I can just picture them shifting their weight in the boat and deciding which one of them is going to be the one to wake Jesus. I imagine whoever was elected was frantically shaking Jesus by the shoulder trying to rustle Him from a deep sleep. As soon as Jesus awakens, He immediately stands up. I can almost see the look on the disciples face as they rapidly blurt out through fear filled hearts "don't you care that the boat is sinking? We're going to DIE! What are you going to do about it??? Help us, NOW!" Of course, those weren't their exact words but I'm sure it was something close to that.

And what does Jesus do... He commands the sea to "be still" and instantly, the waves cease and the water is calm. He speaks to the wind and says "quiet." The wind immediately stills and a perfect hush settles around the boat.  Just as the disciples' hearts stop pounding in their chests, Jesus looks at them and says "Why are you so full of fear, don't you have any faith?" The disciples then look around at each other wondering who this man is that the wind and sea obey him.

The disciples KNEW Jesus. They had been with him long enough to watch him perform miracles and yet, they were scared to death on the sea even though He was right there in the boat with them! I wondered why they were so afraid.

On June 5, when the Doctor of Radiology called me with the pathology report, I immediately became fearful. The first thing I could think was this is my death sentence. Although I knew that Jesus was right there with me while I was on the phone, I chose to let fear overwhelm me. I couldn't see Jesus right there with me, but I knew in my heart He was there. The disciples on the other hand could SEE Jesus. They could see Him lying there asleep on the pillow in the back of the boat...and yet, they chose to let fear overtake them.

Why are we so quick to allow fear into our lives? Why is it such an easy emotion to accept? I am a person of faith and I consider myself to have a strong faith, so why then did I react the way I did when I received that fateful call? Jesus asked the same thing of the disciples when he said "why are you so full of fear, don't you have any faith?"

Have you ever held a mustard seed in your hand? They are so tiny. Jesus says in the Bible that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed that we can say to a mountain MOVE and it will be moved into the sea. I've always thought that I had at least that much faith, but do I really? Why is faith so hard to grasp?

Faith requires that we trust in something we can't see. Faith calls us to let go of every ounce of fear inside of us and when we do, we find something amazing happening...we find that there's a peace to the inner storm of turmoil in our lives. Just like Jesus commanding the sea and the wind, there's instant stillness. Faith and trust go hand in hand and without them, fear slides in and rocks the boat.

I'm not saying that the diagnosis of Cancer is an easy one to accept because that's far from the truth, but as a Christian, there's no reason to allow fear to take control of my ship. My Navigator is Jesus Christ and though He may allow me to sail through some stormy seas in the days ahead; He's my compass...my TRUE NORTH. I know that I can trust Him even when I can't see Him. And yes, I'm sure there are going to be moments when I find myself feeling fearful but I know that even if my boat is rocking on tumultuous seas all I have to do is call on Jesus and He'll calm the waters immediately.What a comfort to know that I don't have to go through anything that constitutes a personal storm without God always being in control. Help me, Lord, to remember that storms cease more quickly when I trust in You!

© Bonnie Annis all rights reserved

Thankful Thursday

Since my Cancer diagnosis, I've been seeing the world through new eyes. Even the little things in life are amazing! So every Thursday, I'm going to share the things for which I'm thankful.

•  I was awakened by the sound of birds chirping. They do this every morning but today they sounded especially sweet. Just a little while later, the sun began to shine through my window and I was thankful for the right to see it rise again. Little things.

• I received a Facebook message from a new found "Pink Sister." She wanted to share helpful tips and information with me. Can you believe that? A complete stranger! She also offered to come to my house and bring me items that would help me during my surgery and recovery period. She wanted to "pay forward" the kindnesses that someone had paid to her during her treatment. 

•  I received a Facebook message from my Aunt telling me that she loves me and she's praying for me. I'm so thankful for the love and prayers of others. 

• The mail lady drove up my driveway because she had a package to deliver. I hadn't seen a soul all day so I went out to talk with her. She stayed in my driveway and we talked for about 15 minutes about my health and she offered to do anything she could for me in the days ahead. I'm thankful for new friends!

• Two of my children called today to check on me and they've made a special point to do this every day. I feel so loved!

• My brother set up Skype so I could "visit" with my mother who's in a nursing home. Isn't technology grand?

• A sweet friend sent me a picture of herself wearing a Breast Cancer shirt and said she was wearing it for me! I felt so honored!

•  Another dear friend said she'd like to be at the hospital with me when I had my surgery. I was so touched!

•  Hubby is going to stop by the salon on his way home from work to pick up some styling wax for my hair new do. He's so sweet to run errands for me! I am so blessed!

God gives me so many things to be thankful for each day. Little things aren't so little anymore when you look at them through the eyes of Cancer. I hope you know how much I appreciate those of you who are taking time to read my blog too! Blogging has been cathartic for me and has helped me deal with a vast array of emotions. Be good to yourself and be thankful. Today is a gift...use it wisely.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved