As I look at myself, I can only linger for a few moments. The woman staring back at me is someone I don't know. The scars are not pretty, in fact, they are disgusting. They've faded some over the months from glaring bright red to a softer, duller pink. I know with time, they'll fade even more but they'll always be there...a constant reminder of my battle...the fight for my life.
The mirror doesn't lie when it comes to physical appearances but Demi Lavato, in her pop song, "Believe in Me," says "The mirror can lie. Doesn't show you what's inside. And it, it can tell you you're full of life.It's amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile.” Her lyrics are so true. Although I am broken on the outside, I do my best to hide that fact with a smile. Everyone thinks I'm okay when I'm smiling and sometimes, I even convince myself. Some days are worse than others. I still have those emotional ups and downs. I guess that comes with the territory of being a breast cancer survivor. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. So many of us walk among you...broken but still beautiful. You've probably walked right past us and didn't even have a clue...but we grow in number daily.
There are several photographers who've taken it upon themselves to capture our broken beauty. They want the world to know our secret...that we are still struggling, still fighting, still strong. When I first saw the Scar project online, I was amazed. It was so tastefully done. David Jay came up with the concept for this project. He is a professional photographer who has been shooting fashion and beauty for over 15 years. His images have appeared in a multitude of international magazines and advertising campaigns. Jay's stark, bold portraits challenge traditional perceptions of breast cancer and capture the raw beauty, strength and character of so many extraordinary young women. Each portrait represents a singular, stripped-down vision of the life-changing journey that unites survivors of this horrific disease.
After I finished watching the video, I wondered if I could possibly be brave enough to bare my scars for public scrutiny...I don't think I could. It's still too raw, but maybe some day. I applaud these women who choose to reveal themselves so unashamedly. They are the brave ones. They have real courage.
Another such project, the Grace Project, takes a different turn. It's still very tastefully done but Isis Charise, the photographer, portrays the art of the Hellenistic period. She poses her subjects to reflect statues that have survived throughout history. These statues have missing body parts such as the famous statue of Venus de Milo. Isis thought it would be fitting to portray women who've undergone mastectomy in this fashion. The artwork is beautiful but I don't think I could ever be one of her subjects. I'm too private, although it would be an honor to be photographed so beautifully.
It amazes me that such talented photographers want to shoot such graphic images. Their abilities to soften and beautify the subjects with such love, respect, and grace is a true gift. Some people find such artistic displays difficult to accept because they don't follow the normal channel of what we conceive as art. Oliver Platt said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but I'm more inclined to agree with Martha Beck who says, "Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld." I can be told all day long that I am beautiful, but unless I feel beautiful, it doesn't seem to matter.
No one can truly understand the emotional and physical devastation that breast cancer creates in a woman's life unless they experience it first hand. These artistic images can help those who have not come close to it yet feel the raw reality. I hope you'll take time to view the two short video clips I've listed below. Let me warn you in advance, they are very graphic. Though hard to see, I hope they will touch your heart and help you see that while we, as breast cancer survivors, are broken, we are still beautiful.
© bonnie annis all rights reserved.
The Grace Project
The Scar Project
Demi Lovato Believe in Me
