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| Paul Cezanne's Three Pears |
I grabbed a protein shake for breakfast and went into my office to read a few emails. As I sat at my computer, I kept feeling like I was supposed to go to art therapy today...TODAY. I had wanted to go for some time but had never had enough courage to drive into town and participate in a class with complete strangers. I didn't think I was ready...not yet...but I kept hearing, "be strong and courageous." The words seemed to keep time with the rhythm of my heart, getting stronger and faster minute by minute. "Okay! I get it," I said out loud as I walked into my bedroom and threw off my robe.
It took several minutes to wiggle into my compression sleeves but after I got them up and into place, I quickly dressed. I didn't know if the ladies in the group would dress casually or semi-casually, so I opted for a pair of black pants, a black tank, and a black button down shirt. I slipped into my shoes and went into the bathroom to put on my makeup. Skillfully I applied a light coat of foundation, a dusting of powder, some blush, a little eye makeup, and my lipstick. I stepped back and looked at myself. I didn't look artistic at all. Oh bother! Why am I even getting ready to go? I could just stay home and work around the house...then I heard those words again, "be strong and courageous."
I gathered my purse, keys, and phone and headed out the door. It was 9:30 a.m. I opened the garage door and slid into my car. As I cranked it up, I turned on the radio. A pastor was talking about courage...coincidental? I think not. Driving out of my driveway, I wondered what on earth I was doing. Mindlessly, I drove to the hospital, parked my car, and got out. All of a sudden I was overcome with panic. "Be strong and courageous," an almost audible voice whispered in my mind.
The up button on the elevator lit up a brilliant blue. As the doors slid open, two smiling women glanced my way. I returned the smile and stepped onto the elevator, as I reached inside the door to press number 3. The elevator was empty by the time I arrived at the third floor. I stepped off gingerly and took a deep breath. As I turned to go down the long hallway to the wellness center, I could feel my heart beating inside my chest...LUB, DUB, LUB, DUB, LUB, DUB..............
BE...STRONG...AND...COURAGEOUS...
The door to the wellness center was heavier than I thought. As I struggled against its weight, I finally managed to open it, inside were two women. The older of the two women looked at me. I told her my name and said I was there for the art therapy class. She explained that the class normally started at 10:00 a.m. but today, it wouldn't start until 10:30 a.m. I drew in a breath and told her I'd left my phone in my car and that I was going to go down and get it. Quickly, I left the room and hurried down the hallway back to the elevator.
When I reached my car, I wanted to just get in and leave but that would be the coward's way out...I had to do this. I'd been couped up in my house since surgery. It was time to do something! It was time to make some new friends! "Be strong and courageous...."
When I got back up to the wellness center, several other women had arrived. The art teacher introduced me to them and had us all sit down. "Today, we're going to learn about Paul Cezanne, the famous French artist." I looked around the room and saw women of various ages intently watching the PowerPoint presentation. I was the only one without both breasts.
After the presentation was over, the art therapist handed us each a sheet of watercolor paper. She pointed to the picture of Cezanne's "Three Pears" on the computer screen and said, "this is what we're going to paint today." The picture looked very simple...three pears lying on a dish in very muted shades of pale green. The women in the class exclaimed how easy it looked but the art therapist begged to differ.
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| Bonnie Annis' Three Pears |
Each student sat with art supplies in front of her. I was thankful to be in the center of the room where I could see the instructor easily. I watched as she explained the techniques warning us to let the paint flow in the direction it wanted to go...to "just let the paint do it's thing." Since I'd never painted with watercolors before, I wanted to make sure I listened well to the instructor. I had been interested in learning watercolor painting but had never had the chance. Wasn't that just like God...to give me one of my heart's desires for being obedient to His command to be brave and courageous? I smiled to myself and wondered if He was smiling too.
We worked for about an hour and a half on our paintings. The instructor said we'd done well. She asked us to put away our supplies and join her for an impromptu luncheon. She'd baked several quiches and some french bread. She'd brought some brie and crackers along with various types of olives. To complete the meal, she'd included a lovely bottle of Pinot Grigio and some French chocolates.
Sitting around the tables, we enjoyed our meal and some small talk. I was able to visit with several of the women and learn a little about each of them. As I stood to say my goodbyes, one of the women asked if I would be coming back next week...she said there was a writing class immediately after the art therapy session and she hoped I'd come.
Most people don't know that I am very shy. I have always tried to hide it. It was hard for me to step out of my comfort zone and go to the cancer wellness center today but I'm thankful I did. It felt good to be able to meet some new people. It felt good to be around women who understood what it felt like to have breast cancer. It felt good to be able to talk freely about surgeries, treatments, and medications but also just to know it was a safe place to open up about my feelings.
I'm thankful I listened to those words, "be strong and courageous," this morning as I got up out of bed. I do believe the Holy Spirit prompted me to step out in faith. Even though the art therapy class didn't require anything other than my willingness to go and participate, I know God had my best interests at heart. He knew I really wanted to go but was afraid of going. He knew I wanted to make new friends and He knew I would enjoy it once I got there an learned to open up a little. He knew it was where I needed to be. I am so glad He cares about me enough to speak to my heart. How often do we let fear rule our lives? If I hadn't been willing to be obedient, I would never have received the blessing God had in store for me today...I would have missed it.
There's a quotation I read once that says, "Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." ~ Jim Morrison. Satan uses fear to hold us captive but in the Bible, it says, "for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7. Why was I so afraid of going today? I think it was just a fear of the unknown and feeling insecure. Satan tried to keep me from going because he knew God wanted me to learn courage. Is there something you fear? Is there something God's been prompting you do to? Have you heard those little whisperings to be brave and courageous? It's okay to feel unsure of yourself in new situations or circumstances but don't let fear hold you captive. God wants us to live and walk in freedom.
One last quote I want to share with you. It's from the book, Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne and in the story, Winnie the Pooh, the wonderful, loveable, teddy bear is talking with his best friend, Piglet, a cute little pink pig...this is what he says - “... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” I hope you'll hold onto that thought. I know I sure will!
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