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| Me inside the PET scan machine |
If you tell someone you've received a miracle, instantly they look at you like you're crazy! It's hard for some people to understand and accept the fact that God is still a God of miracles. There are those who believe that yes, God performed miracles back in Bible times, but surely not today...why not? Why can't they believe it? God says in His Word that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He says He doesn't change. So, that tells me, if He performed miracles in Biblical times, He performs them today.
Now the Bible says, Faith is the evidence of things not seen and I have chosen to live my life walking by faith. God has proved to me over and over again that He is trustworthy. He understands and knows every single aspect of my life and He really cares. It's not hard to walk by faith when you have clear evidence that you can trust God. Those who haven't experienced that kind of track record aren't so easy to teach the concept of faith.
When my family and friends began praying for me yesterday, why would I not expect to receive good results? The Bible says, the prayers of a righteous man availeth much. And it didn't even matter how many people were praying (although I think I had a small army lined up). It wouldn't have mattered if only one was praying and if that one person had been me. The Bible tells me that God hears our prayers and He answers them according to His will.
I can only imagine the stunned look on the doctor's face as she read the radiology report from the PET scan. She had seen, with her own two eyes, the mass on the L-5 vertebrae last week. She'd even been so concerned over it, that she'd called in 2 other doctors to review the film. 3 doctors had seen the mass and called it suspicious...NOW IT WAS COMPLETELY GONE!!! That was God. It couldn't have been anything else. Some folks might say, oh, there must have been some logical reason behind it. Maybe it was a smudge on the viewing box or maybe it was something that dissolved on its own. I don't think so. I believe in miracles.
It's been hard getting some of my family members to understand the reasoning behind my choosing not to take the prescribed anti-hormone therapy medication. But, as I've said in the past, I prayed about it and I felt a complete peace and assurance at my decision. I chose to go the natural route and enjoy a good quality of life that includes being free from cancer. Some of them just don't understand and want me to immediately start taking the medication now. They say I've just been lucky so far, that I've just "dodged a bullet" this time around but I don't believe in luck. Why should I take chemicals that will poison my body and make me feel terrible?
As I was praising and thanking God this morning for this wonderful news, He pointed me to Psalm 66:10 which says "For You, O God, have proved us; You have tried us as silver is tried, refined,and purified." I firmly believe God has used this cancer ordeal, over the last year, to refine me and make me more Christlike. I have learned so much from going through the fiery ordeal of cancer. If you've read my blog since it's inception, you're familiar with my feelings on this, but if you haven't...all I can say is cancer has been a blessing. I don't say that flippantly! Last year was the hardest year of my life but, I can say it has been a blessing because of all the things it's taught me. Even if I could, I would not have changed one thing because, the lessons I learned from going through all the pain and suffering I experienced were worth it. And it's still not over. I still experience daily pain as a result from the surgery, but I fight through it in His strength.
God used the fire of cancer to heat up my life and cause the ugly impurities to rise to the surface where He could scoop them off and away from my life. What many thought was a broken and bruised incomplete woman has turned into a more deliberate, more intentional, woman of God. Not many get to experience such loving tenderness from God but I am so very thankful He chose me to refine and purify.
Oh yes, the process hurt...more than you'll ever know but oh, how loving and kind God was to me during this time. He drew me closer and closer to Him. He taught me to lean into Him and to rest assuredly on Him in all things. He taught me that He can use ugliness and make it beautiful. He can take brokenness and make it whole again. He uses all things for His purposes.
If you know me, you know I'm very visual, so right now, I'd like to take you through a portion of one of my earlier blog posts. In that post, I wrote about the art of Kintsugi. It's a Japanese art form but I think it's relevant for my post today, too. Here's an excerpt: (You can read it in its entirety here if you'd like to do so.)
There's an ancient Japanese story that tells about a Sakai tea man who found a brilliant Chinese tea jar. He was so pleased with his find that he invited the famed tea man Sen no Rikyu to a gathering of friends to show off the beautiful piece. But to the Sakai man’s amazement, when he served tea in the lovely piece, Sen no Rikyu paid no mind to the jar. Once Sen no Rikyu left, the Sakai man threw the tea jar against a wall, shattering it into pieces. His friends gathered the fragments and took them home where they mended the jar back together with gold lacquer. The same friends then invited Sen no Rikyu to a gathering of their own where they offered him tea in the mended jar. When Rikyu saw the mended tea jar he exclaimed, “Now the piece is magnificent!”
Some link this story to the birth of “kintsugi”, an ancient Japanese art which translates, “patch with gold.” Kintsugi artists mend broken pieces of ceramics and pottery using gold lacquer, making the pieces more striking and unique than when they were pulled from the wheel or kiln. In a modern culture that often grades wholeness through the lens of perfection, Kintsugi offers a different perspective.
The art of Kintsugi rests in the truth that vessels are stronger and more magnificent because they have been made whole from brokenness, not because they are without imperfection. Each vessel—and every one of our lives—can tell a unique story if we no longer feel we must hide the scarred parts of our lives. “We want to be restored to health, but we don’t simply want what we once were. We want to be better, stronger, wiser for the pain, struggle, and sacrifice.”
That broken vase, the art of Kintsugi, my scars from surgery...all of those tie in together. Breaking isn't something we ever intend to have happen but sometimes, it just does. We can let the brokenness make us bitter or make us better. We can throw away the chipped pieces or gently try to repair them. It's our choice. If we choose to fit the pieces back together again, the scars become part of the beautiful story of a damaged but restored life. This is where I am now. My body has been broken and while I can't fit the pieces back together again, I can allow the scars to be a precious reminder of everything I've been through. They can be a constant reminder that I am still living....that I am still fighting...that I am so blessed.
So you see, God used the ugly, brokenness of breast cancer to show me His love for me. He used it to refine me and remove things in my life that didn't need to be there. He used it to teach me more about loving others. And that is why I am so grateful He chose to give me complete healing! What a wonderful picture of His love for me! He loved me so much that He cleansed me from the damaged cancer cells that had invaded my body and made it whole again!
Yes, I still have scars from the painful surgery I went through but they are battle scars! The victory has been won! Christ won it for me at Calvary when He took my sins and bore them on the cross. My small suffering, my pain, pale in comparison to what He did for me there.
Oh, dear reader! Can you see it? Can you feel it? Can you understand the overwhelming joy He's given me? I hope you've been able to feel just a tiny bit of what I've tried to convey. Remember those few paragraphs above that talked about the art of Kintsugi? The brokenness of my life has been woven back together by the beautiful golden thread of God's love. I am whole again. If you look closely, you can see the broken places, but focus more intently and your eyes drift immediately to the brilliant gold of His grace.
Won't you celebrate with me today? I'm so overjoyed that I'm dancing! In Ecclesiastes, the Bible tells us there is a time to dance! Believe me, that day, for me, is today!
© bonnie annis all rights reserved
Some link this story to the birth of “kintsugi”, an ancient Japanese art which translates, “patch with gold.” Kintsugi artists mend broken pieces of ceramics and pottery using gold lacquer, making the pieces more striking and unique than when they were pulled from the wheel or kiln. In a modern culture that often grades wholeness through the lens of perfection, Kintsugi offers a different perspective.
The art of Kintsugi rests in the truth that vessels are stronger and more magnificent because they have been made whole from brokenness, not because they are without imperfection. Each vessel—and every one of our lives—can tell a unique story if we no longer feel we must hide the scarred parts of our lives. “We want to be restored to health, but we don’t simply want what we once were. We want to be better, stronger, wiser for the pain, struggle, and sacrifice.”
Isn’t this the wholeness that we truly seek? We want to be restored to health, but we don’t simply want what we once were. We want to be better, stronger, wiser for the pain, struggle, and sacrifice. We want our scars to shimmer like gold and tell a beautiful story: namely, that what is broken can be whole again, and more beautiful than before.
That broken vase, the art of Kintsugi, my scars from surgery...all of those tie in together. Breaking isn't something we ever intend to have happen but sometimes, it just does. We can let the brokenness make us bitter or make us better. We can throw away the chipped pieces or gently try to repair them. It's our choice. If we choose to fit the pieces back together again, the scars become part of the beautiful story of a damaged but restored life. This is where I am now. My body has been broken and while I can't fit the pieces back together again, I can allow the scars to be a precious reminder of everything I've been through. They can be a constant reminder that I am still living....that I am still fighting...that I am so blessed.
So you see, God used the ugly, brokenness of breast cancer to show me His love for me. He used it to refine me and remove things in my life that didn't need to be there. He used it to teach me more about loving others. And that is why I am so grateful He chose to give me complete healing! What a wonderful picture of His love for me! He loved me so much that He cleansed me from the damaged cancer cells that had invaded my body and made it whole again!
Yes, I still have scars from the painful surgery I went through but they are battle scars! The victory has been won! Christ won it for me at Calvary when He took my sins and bore them on the cross. My small suffering, my pain, pale in comparison to what He did for me there.
Oh, dear reader! Can you see it? Can you feel it? Can you understand the overwhelming joy He's given me? I hope you've been able to feel just a tiny bit of what I've tried to convey. Remember those few paragraphs above that talked about the art of Kintsugi? The brokenness of my life has been woven back together by the beautiful golden thread of God's love. I am whole again. If you look closely, you can see the broken places, but focus more intently and your eyes drift immediately to the brilliant gold of His grace.
Won't you celebrate with me today? I'm so overjoyed that I'm dancing! In Ecclesiastes, the Bible tells us there is a time to dance! Believe me, that day, for me, is today!
© bonnie annis all rights reserved
