Thursday, June 5, 2014
(A day that will live in infamy! I always wanted
to say that and today, I feel as if I have the right to say it.) I never
thought that I'd be writing a journal about a journey with Cancer but
here goes....
Several months ago, during the process of moving to a new
home, I discovered a hard lump in my right breast. At first, I didn't
think anything about it and dismissed it. Several days later, I kept
having this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'd better get
it checked out.
We were so busy with packing up our old home and
getting ready to move into our new one that I forgot all about the
lump. Two months later, after getting moved into our new house and
getting everything settled, I was reminded of the lump that I had
conveniently forgotten. One morning, as I bathed in the shower, my hand
slid across the lump in my breast. It felt larger than it had before and
it felt harder too. I knew I had to get to a doctor as soon as I could.
I didn't know any doctors in this area so I jumped on the
internet and searched for a doctor close by. The first women's center I
called had no openings and referred me to another practice. I called
them and was able to get an appointment for the following day.
When
I went to the OB/GYN's office, I felt so out of place sitting there
with all the pregnant women. I waited about an hour and a half before I
was called back to the exam room. When the doctor entered, I could tell
she was in a hurry. It was nearing the end of her work day and I'm sure
she was tired. After a brief chat about my problem, she did a breast
exam and told me that she'd like me to go have a diagnostic mammogram
done as well as an ultrasound. She gave me the orders for those tests
and I left her office after having the front desk staff fax the orders to the hospital.
The diagnostic mammogram was rougher than I
remembered and I was in tears as the tech completed the last set of
images. In my past mammograms, I don't remember having had the pain that
I had with this one. Maybe that was because of the mass in my breast, I
really don't know. The radiologist read the mammogram films and then
took me over to have an ultrasound. The ultrasound was a piece of cake
compared to the mammograms! As the tech applied the conductive gel to my
breast, I watched on the screen as she passed the conductor over my
breast. A large dark mass was clearly visible and it did not have well
defined borders which would have indicated that it was a fluid filled
cyst.
The radiologist came in and talked with me about the
findings. He explained that the mass looked "suspicious" and that he was
going to recommend a vacuum core needle biopsy. He explained that it
needed to be done as quickly as possible. My head was reeling as I was
processing all of this information. All I could think was Cancer, they
think I have Cancer! The scheduling person came in and got me set up for
the biopsy on the following Monday.
On Monday I was very
nervous. I'd had biopsies before and knew they could be quite painful.
My daughter had come down from Alpharetta to go with me for the tests. She
knew I was scared. She was so sweet to drive all that way just to be
with me. I was so thankful for the encouragement she offered me. She
tried to help keep my mind off of the test as we drove to the hospital.
When I arrived, it wasn't long before I was taken back into the
ultrasound room. The tech explained that an ultrasound would be
performed at the same time as the biopsy so they could make sure the
needle was entering the exact location of the mass. The radiologist
injected some topical anesthetic before he began and then made a small
incision in the side of my breast. When he inserted the long core biopsy
needle, I didn't feel anything but pressure at first, but as he went
deeper, I felt extreme pain. I told him that I could feel what he was
doing and he administered more anesthetic. Three tissue samples were
taken and I was told that I would receive a call from pathology by
Thursday.
Today, the call I'd dreaded came around 2:45 p.m. The
radiologist, Linda Huff, said "I'm sorry to have to tell you that your
pathology report indicated that you do indeed have Cancer." As soon as
she said the words, I felt life being sucked out of me. I must have
inhaled deeply because she said "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this.
Your doctor will be calling with more instructions." After I hung up the
phone, I cried for the next hour. All I could think was that I'd been
handed a death sentence. I'd watched my mother in law go through breast
cancer years before and had seen the way the Cancer consumed her body.
How was I going to tell my husband? How was I going to tell my children?
I'd been hiding for so long but now Cancer had found me.
©Bonnie Annis all rights reserved
