His eye is on the sparrow, Part 2

If you haven't already read "His eye is on the sparrow," my earlier post for today, please read it first before continuing on with reading this post. It's important to me that you get a very clear picture of what God is doing in my life and how He is providing each step of the way.

(continued from my earlier post today) That little lone egg in the nest had been abandoned because something was wrong with it. Either it hadn't been fertilized or it was damaged in some way. As I looked at that little egg, I thought of myself. I was damaged now. I had Cancer. But there was something different about that little egg and I. His parents had flown away and left him all alone to rot and decompose. Although my body was now scarred from surgeries to remove both of my breasts and my lymph nodes; Cancer was still running rampant in my body. My Heavenly Father had not chosen to leave me alone. My journey was just beginning. He was going to teach me to fly!

Evidence of that fact came today, when I received a telephone call from the Genomic Health project. My breast surgeon had given me advance notice that they would be calling because she had ordered a test to be performed on my recent tissue samples. The test, called an Oncotype DX, is performed on patients with invasive breast cancer to help predict chemotherapy benefits and the likelihood of distant breast cancer recurrence.This test is not covered by all insurance companies. The test costs $4500.00. As the screener for the test asked me many personal questions, she was very softspoken and kind. She allowed me to speak and ask questions. She informed me that our insurance company did not find this test to be a medically necessary test but they would be willing to pay 80% of it. 20% of $4500 is $810. All I could think was oh boy, another bill to add to our ever growing mountain of medical expenses. I must have breathed out a gasp when she told me our insurance company didn't think it was necessary because she immediately said, "now don't worry. If you fall under a certain income, you will not have to pay a penny of this expense." She asked me if our household income fell under $78,000 and I explained to her that it did indeed because my husband was the only one working. She then told me that we met the criteria and we would not owe anything for this test. I immediately started to cry and to thank her. After we hung up, all I could do was say "Thank you, Jesus!"

As I kept praising God for His provision, I was reminded of a verse in Isaiah 41 verse 10. This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible, but today, it was even more so. Listen to what it says,  
^" Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice." Amplified version of the Holy Bible

I wasn't at all like that lone little egg in the nest. Yes, sometimes I felt like I was all alone and abandoned but really, I never had been. Although I don't know anything about what lies ahead on this Cancer journey, God does. He's known from before I was even born that He would allow me to travel this road. He's already gone before me and prepared the way. He's already made provisions that I am not even aware of but when it's time, He will reveal them to me. My job is simply to marvel at His mighty power...to rest in His love...to trust Him every step of the way. I feel like I'm on the very cusp of learning something new and exciting, in fact, I think I'm just about ready to fly!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

His eye is on the sparrow

I've always loved birds. They are so fascinating to watch and I love hearing their sweet morning songs. Before I had my surgery, we'd had a little cookout on our patio in back of our house. We'd left our camp chairs folded up out there instead of bringing them into the garage planning to put them away later. A few days passed and I remembered the camp chairs were still outside. It was going to rain and I wanted to bring them in so they didn't get wet. I opened the back door and as I went to pick up my chair, I noticed there was pinestraw sticking out of it. There were no pine trees close to the patio, how did that get there? Before I'd even had time to finish processing my own question, a little house wren flew toward me with a piece of straw in her mouth. Oh, they're building a nest in my chair! I slowly backed through the door and closed it, not wanting to disturb the little bird.

For many days we watched the wren fly to and fro with her beak full of moss, twigs, and straw. Her mate helped supply the bedding too and we enjoyed watching them tag team. I don't know how many trips it took for those little wrens to finally complete the nest, but they did. Whenever I could, I'd slip out the door and take a peek to see how they were progressing. One Saturday morning, as I gently pulled back the cloth arm to the camp chair, I was surprised to see 5 little eggs in the nest! The mother bird was not happy that I was so close to the nest and let me know in no uncertain terms that I was not welcomed.

Mother and Father Wren spent the next week sharing the responsibility of keeping the eggs warm. Now I'm not sure if the father bird actually sat on the nest or if he just brought worms to his mate for dinner, but they were both so attentive and protective. If we even opened the door to the patio, the birds would begin incessantly chirping at us, warning us to get away!

A weekend or two passed and we had family over for a visit. I wanted to show them the nest we'd found in the chair and took my son outside to see it. The mother bird was on the eggs but flew off immediately as we approached. My son, Dave, marveled at the little eggs and stood looking at them for the longest time. I've always encouraged my children to love and appreciate nature since they were very small and marvel at the miracle of life.

When I was in the hospital, I thought about those little birds. I wondered if the eggs had hatched out yet and if they were still in the nest. I had hoped I'd get to see the mother bird teach them to fly. When I got home, I was too weak to walk out there and look at the nest. Days have passed since I even though about it at all because I was preoccupied with my painful recovery.

Today, I was feeling much better and decided to take a peek out at the nest. I was hoping to see little birdie heads peeking out from the nest with wide opened beaks ready for breakfast. When I got to the chair and pulled back the fabric, I was disappointed to find the nest empty except for one lone egg. Oh, that poor little one! I wondered why it didn't hatch. The mother and the father wrens had abandoned it to rot.

As I thought about the lone egg, I was reminded of the song "His Eye is on the Sparrow." The lyrics to the song have always touched my heart. Here are some of them:

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is he
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me

That lone little egg would never hatch. The mother and father instinctively knew to leave it alone. I am so thankful that even when I feel alone and lonely, I know that God never leaves me.

There are days since my surgery that I've felt very alone. My husband works all day and I have no family or friends that live close by. It's hard to be couped up in the house all day long without seeing anyone. But when I start to feel down or depressed, I pull out my Bible and talk to God. He is a constant companion to me and I know He hears my heart.

If God cares enough about tiny little birds to instill in them the knowledge they need to build nests, care for young, find food, and escape danger, then I know He cares even more for me. He knows everything I need and supplies it before I even ask.

Last night, I was worrying about how I'm going to get back and forth to treatments when I start them. I know that my physical strength will wane and I won't be able to drive myself. Before I'd even voiced that concern to anyone, I received a Facebook message from one of my high school friends, a friend I haven't seen in almost 40 years. She said in her message that she knew I was going to need help in the days ahead and she wondered if she might be able to assist me in any way. If you don't think we have an amazing, caring God, then you don't know my Savior. His love never ceases to amaze me. I know His eye is on the sparrow (or wren in this case) and I know He's watching me.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved