Oh my aching back

Today was my 6 month checkup with the Radiation Oncologist. I wasn't really looking forward to going to see her, mainly because I'm a little tired of doctors lately, but I went. My appointment was at 1:00 p.m. so I arrived promptly at 12:45 p.m. I don't like to be late to appointments. I went in and sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes before being called back. Chrissy, the R.N., was new. She immediately started explaining that she was here from another office and she added, "I'm hot!" I must have given her a puzzled look because she began going into a long explanation about how she'd been having hot flashes lately. I wanted to scream out, "TMI, TMI!" (too much information).

Chrissy led me back to the scale and after recording my weight, motioned for me to enter the exam room. She asked me to have a seat and then began the barrage of questions...what medications are you on, are you in any pain, what level is your pain on a scale of 1-10, etc. After she'd jotted down notes on me, she began telling me all about her...she kept complaining about her hot flashes and I told her she needed to put her long hair up into a pony tail and maybe splash some cool water on her face. I tried to be merciful but this was very unprofessional. She was there to do her job as a nurse, asking questions and gathering information to present to the doctor when she walked into my exam room. Instead, this nurse was giving me a list of her own complaints. Finally, she left the room and as she was leaving she said, "oh, the air conditioning feels so cool right here!" She stood in the hallway under the a/c vent for a few minutes and I jokingly said, "are you going to stand there the rest of the day?" She laughed and said she would like to but she'd better get busy.

About 30 minutes later, Dr. S came into the room and began apologizing for being late. She'd been at the hospital checking on a patient and had been delayed. She began examining me and feeling along my surgical incisions asking if I'd felt any new lumps or bumps. I told her I don't usually feel around looking for any so I wasn't really sure. She noted the swelling in my upper arms and asked me if I'd always had that. I explained it was Lymphedema since breast surgery. She then asked if I had a followup scheduled with the breast surgeon. When I told her I had an appointment in August, she replied, "has she scheduled your mammograms?" I couldn't believe what I had heard. I probably shouldn't have, but I replied, "ummm, I don't think you have to have mammograms any longer when you don't have any boobs." Talk about embarrassed...Dr. S. turned bright red and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'd forgotten you had both breasts removed." I felt like she was a little off her game. Maybe she was still in hospital mode.

When the doc began asking me if I'd been experiencing any problems, I explained I'd been extremely fatigued lately and I'd also been having some unusual pain in my upper back. She asked me to try and describe the pain and I told her it was like a dull aching all the time. I watched her write down a bunch of notes and then she told me she wanted me to have a complete spinal MRI. She mentioned concern about the pain and said she didn't want to worry me, that she didn't think it was cancer but she wanted to make sure. Great. Try not to scare me but do...just what I needed to hear.

So I have an appointment scheduled the first week of July. Dr. S was kind enough to give me a prescription for Ativan to help with claustrophobia in the MRI tube. I guess this test will take care of our annual deductible for insurance.

What I'm really thinking:
I hope the cancer hasn't come back and taken up residence in my spine. I saw how much pain my aunt went through when her breast cancer metastasized into her bones. I don't think I can deal with that. I'm glad Dr. S prescribed an anti-anxiety medication. Ever since I was trapped in that elevator, I've had a terrible time with claustrophobia. Don't they have open MRI's? I wonder why she didn't order an open MRI test? How will I handle it if the report shows it is cancer? What if they find something else like a fractured disk or some spinal abnormality? I guess I'll know the answer to all those questions and more in about 2 weeks. Until then, I'm just going to try not to think about it. I don't like this.