Night before last, I tossed and turned all night long. I just couldn't get to sleep. No matter what I did, sleep would not come. I know my insomnia was partly due to stressing out about visiting my oncologist. I tried not to worry. I tried not to even think about the visit at all but I couldn't help it. I don't like confrontation. I've done my best to avoid it at all costs. How would the doctor respond when I told him point blank that I was not going to do what he wanted me to do? And who was I, to think I had this right?
The clock kept ticking down the hours until it was almost time to go. I looked at my husband through tear filled eyes. He knew. Without me saying one single word, he knew. He knew I was afraid.
As we got into the car, he took my hand and held it all the way to the doctor's office. I was so thankful he'd taken the day off work to go with me. He's such a sweetheart! We pulled into a parking spot and I looked up at him. "I don't want to do this," I said. He said he understood and that maybe, just maybe the doctor would listen and not give me a hard time. That's what I was hoping for...
The nurse called my name and took me back to the scale. Oh how I hate the scale! It's so intimidating. It would be so nice if his office, like my breast surgeon's office, didn't even have a scale. (My breast surgeon says there's no point in it. I agree with her, but I guess oncologists have to keep up with how much weight their patient's are losing...if only I could lose.)
After the weigh in, the nurse ushered us into an exam room. She brought in the little rolling vital sign machine thingy (I'm not sure what the real medical term is but it has the blood pressure cuff, digital thermometer and pulse oximeter all in one.) Here we go again. She recorded my vital signs on the computer and said the doctor would be in shortly.
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About ten minutes passed before I heard a slight knock at the door. Dr. Feinstein entered the room and greeted my husband and I. He sat down on his little rolling doctor's stool and rolled over close. "So how are you feeling?," he said. I told him I was feeling really good and I knew it was coming...then he said, "so tell me about your decision not to take the medicines? I got the voicemail you'd left on the nurse's line." Oh snap! Now what did I say??? Where did I begin?
I don't stutter but boy I wish'd at that moment I had because it would have bought me some more time. Slowly and quietly, I began to explain that I'd decided to take a more natural approach to healing. "Tell me what you mean," said the doc, "what kind of things are you doing?" I told him that I'd done a lot of research on natural things that helped with cancer recovery. I explained that I'd decided to eliminate sugar from my diet as well as processed foods. I told him I was trying to do more raw fruits and vegetables. He nodded his head still listening attentively. I told him I'm incorporating organic green tea into my diet, 2 or 3 times a day, and that I'd found information on Ashwaganha root that sounded interesting. He continued to listen and I waited for the comeback.
I talked a little longer on essential oils and Chlorophyll, and then I was quiet.
The doctor looked me straight in the eyes and I thought oh, no...he's going to berate me now. I braced. The silence was deafening. I couldn't stand it any longer and I said, "Dr. Feinstein, I've done a lot of praying about it. I just don't feel the medications are right for me. I know you're a man of faith (he's Jewish) and I know you understand where I'm coming from." And then he spoke.
I was amazed when he said he had no problem with the green tea. (I guess medical research has proven the benefits in using it with cancer patients.) He said, "I understand your desire not to take the medication. You've already tried 2 and they didn't work for you. If you'd only tried one, I would have encouraged you to try another, but in your case, you've given it your best shot." (Wow, I was impressed. This wasn't what I expected.) He told me that there were many "remedies" out there claiming to cure cancer and that I'd have to be very careful. I explained to him that I do a lot of research before trying anything new that affects my health. He told me just to be wise. He said he didn't want me to spend a lot of money trying one thing after another. I told him I wouldn't.
Walking over to the exam table he patted the paper protective layer indicating he wanted me to hop up there so he could check me out. He listened to my lungs and heart. He looked in my throat. He asked if I'd been having any headaches that wouldn't go away, any bone/joint pain, any stomach pain and I responded no to all of them. I knew he was asking these questions to determine whether the cancer might be spreading in my body, but I didn't let on that I knew why he was asking these questions.
When he was done with the exam, he said, "you know, the cancer may never come back but if it does, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, you keep doing your natural plan and I'll check your blood work ever 3 months. If anything starts to go off track, we'll address that then." I knew that was the best I was going to get from a medical professional.
Dr. Feinstein started toward the door and I asked if he was going to do blood work today. He said it would be a good idea and went to get the nurse to tell her. When he came back into the room, I asked if he'd let me take a picture with him. I told him I was trying to document my journey for my children and grandchildren. He was nice enough to agree to the photo.
Before he left, I told him I had been afraid to come see him for this appointment. He looked at me strangely and said, "Why? I never want you to be afraid of me." I told him I didn't think he'd agree to be my doctor if I didn't agree to his prescribed medical treatment and he said, "if all of my patients did exactly what I said, it would be pretty boring and I'd be treating a bunch of robots. It's your body and you know it best. You have a right to refuse any treatment you feel isn't for you." At that point, I wanted to jump up and give him a high five or a great big bear hug but I didn't. I just smiled a big smile and breathed in a sigh of relief. I had stressed out about this visit for nothing! I was so glad my doctor agreed to support me. It was so encouraging.
One last thing before he left the room. He wanted me to see a nutritionist. If I was going to do a natural healing approach, he said it was important to see a nutritionist. He explained that my cancer was fed by both Estrogen and Progesterone and to keep the cancer from recurring, we needed to stop the Estrogen in my body as much as possible. Estrogen is made by your ovaries, your adrenal gland, and by fat cells. Since I was already post menopausal, we didn't have to worry about the ovaries but, I could stand to lose a little weight. In fact, Doctor Feinstein said the more weight I could lose, the better. With cancer it was better to be skinny! So, next week I have an appointment with a nutritionist.
Maybe it would have been easier and more convenient to just pop a few pills to ward off the cancer. It's going to take a lot of effort to go the natural healing route, but I know that's the path God has pointed me toward. I really want to live as long as I possibly can and anything I can do to facilitate that objective...well, I'm all in!
My thoughts:
I'm going to keep close tabs on my lab reports from each visit forward. I've determined not only to be my own best health advocate but also to partner with my oncologist to obtain the best results. It's going to take time to get used to drinking all that organic Matcha Tea. It tastes pretty nasty. Taking the Ashwaganha root capsules, the DDR essential oil capsules, the Zendocrine capsules, the Chlorophyll capsules and all my vitamins, cutting out the sugar and processed foods, trying to lose weight and walking more than ever before will be challenging but hopefully, it will allow my body to regenerate good cells that can keep the cancerous ones at bay. If I can create a healthy cellular environment in my body, my chances of recurrence will greatly diminish. I'm pumped about seeing the changes to come in the days ahead. I'm so happy Dr. Feinstein didn't jump my case about going natural. I need to eliminate stress from my life and the tendency to worry. Hopefully the nutritionist can help me see where I need to revamp my diet. I don't think I eat enough protein.
