For me to completely understand, I did some research. I began by finding a transliteration of this verse in Hebrew. This is what I found, "wait on the Lord, be strong and He will instill courage to your heart." So it wasn't that God was asking me to muster up courage from somewhere deep within me; He was asking me to understand that he wanted me to be brave by accepting the courage that He was going to supply me with and sustain me with in the days ahead. It was His bravery that He was going to impart to me. It was His strength and His courage, not mine.
Today I go to see the radiation oncologist. She's going to go over the results of my CT scan and give me an exact treatment plan. I'll be starting my treatment the day after Labor day. I'll be going to the clinic 5 days a week for the next 7 weeks and then have some booster doses of radiation for several weeks afterwards. I won't deny that I'm scared about the treatments. When the doctor went over side effects and things that might happen to my body during or after treatments last week, it was only natural to be fearful. Is this why God was prompting me to be brave and courageous? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to see into the future sometimes and know exactly what lies ahead? Sometimes I think it would be and then other times, I am so thankful God protects us from that knowing! I might not be able to handle knowing that I might experience something I would never have chosen for myself.
Weeks ago, God lay on my heart a picture of bravery and courage. That picture was of a lion- a strong, fierce, roaring lion. If you've ever watched National Geographic, you know from watching a pride of lions that they aren't timid creatures. Every muscle of their body seems made for strength. Their ability to outrun their prey is amazing. Their powerful jaws can rip meat and sinew from bone with ease. Their mighty roar can echo for miles. They are strong. They are brave. They are courageous! When God gave me that visual image of a lion, I wanted a "real" lion to remind me of what He'd impressed on my heart. I put a post up on Facebook asking if anyone knew where I could get a little stuffed lion to take with me to my appointments and treatments. Within minutes, I got a response from a sweet friend who said she was sending one to me that very day. It might seem like a silly, childish thing for me to "need" an object to remind me of God's lesson, but for me, it was very significant.
A few days passed and when the mailman brought a package to my door, I opened it with excitement and joy. Inside was a cute, curly maned stuffed lion. He did not look ferocious or brave, instead, he looked cute and cuddly. But he was a lion! He was symbolic of bravery and courage. It didn't matter that he looked cute and cuddly. I surely didn't look brave or courageous either, but the strength of God inside of me instilled me with those necessary traits.
The more I thought about lions and their behavior, the more I learned about God. National Geographic has filmed lions waiting patiently as they select their prey. Often the lion will choose a wounded or weak animal as his target. When the moment is right, the lion springs forward on his powerful haunches and lunges toward his prey. His powerful claws rip into skin and muscle tearing away flesh as his teeth clamp down on the poor animal's neck rendering it helpless. There is no evidence of fear in the lion...none whatsoever.
So why had God impressed upon me the need to be brave and courageous? Was He wanting to teach me, like the lion, to wait patiently as He helped me understand the Hebrew word, "chazak," the word that means be strong? Or was He wanting me to learn the word, nuach, another Hebrew word meaning to rest? I think He was wanting me to learn both but even more importantly, that He wanted me to understand that during my time of waiting and resting and being brave, He wanted to restore me and renew my heart within me! He wanted to use this time of suffering to teach me something very important.
Isaiah 40:31 says, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So if I learn to wait, as the lion does for his prey, I will be rewarded with renewed strength and vitality! Is this what God wanted to teach me? To wait upon Him takes strength and courage: strength of character to "will" to wait, and courage to do what others do not.
As I look at that little stuffed lion sitting on my china cabinet, I am reminded to be brave and courageous. I'm also reminded that God is working on my behalf even when I can't see what He's doing. Right now, at this very minute, I don't really need any courage or bravery, or at least I don't think I do. While I'm waiting on my radiation treatments to begin, I'm in a holding pattern. I'm just waiting. But is God actively working in my life during this time of waiting? I think He is! I think He's busy preparing me for the next step on my journey. Just like the lion crouched in the brush watching his prey, I'm waiting. And when the time is right, He'll prompt me to spring forward and pounce. I'll sink my claws deep into the fear of the unknown that has terrorized me since I was told I had Cancer. I'll dig in deep and rip it from head to toe. When I'm done, I'll lean back on my haunches and let out a mighty, guttural roar...a roar that comes from His strength and not mine, a roar that is victorious, courageous, and brave. But in the meantime, I'm just waiting and I know that while I'm waiting, He's working. He's restoring, renewing, and revitalizing me in preparation for what lies ahead. I can be brave when it's His strength flowing through me. I can be courageous, when He is the one who provides the courage.
As I snuggle my little lion up against my face, I feel its softness. I thank God that He supplies the courage and infuses it into my heart. I'm thankful I don't have to figure out how I'm going to be brave in the days ahead. He will supply the perfect amount of bravery and courage just when I need it. When I am weak, He is strong. I am thankful that the Lion of Judah carries me through the storms of life! And if you listen closely in the coming days, you might just hear me practicing my roar...
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