The canvas reveals something deeper

Months ago, a friend of mine gave me a stack of blank canvases that she'd received as a donation from Michael's. She had the entire trunk of her car filled with craft supplies and told me that every time she visited her local craft store, they loaded her up. She laughed and exclaimed that her bald head must have something to do with it; you see, she had breast cancer too.

Yesterday, I was in a creative mood. I saw the stack of blank canvases lying on the table in my office and picked up a few of them. Grabbing my acrylic paints and brushes, I carried everything into the kitchen and spread them out on the table. The blank canvases stared at me for a long time. They were so plain and so white. As I sat there looking back at them, I wondered what I should paint. Glancing out the window, I received my inspiration. Beautiful trees surrounded our property and the colors of Fall were at their peak. The yellows, reds, oranges, greens, and browns were stunning. That's it, I thought to myself, I'll paint a tree.

I don't really consider myself an artist, but art has been good therapy for me since I've been recovering. As I paint, knit, crochet, or sew, I can lose myself in my crafting. I don't focus on anything other than what I'd doing at the time. I can be creative and express myself.

The canvases were small 11x14 sizes, so I decided to use 3 canvases to create a picture collage. On the first canvas, I lay down my background color and then switched over to the next canvas. I put a different background color on each canvas, then stepped back to see if they were pleasing to the eye. I liked the complimentary colors of the three canvases and went to work painting half of the tree on one canvas and half on another canvas. I did not purposely try to make the halves of the tree symmetrical, but after completing the sides of the tree, they were almost mirror images of one another. I added details to the tree bark and slipped in multicolored leaves. I was enjoying myself as I became lost in what I was doing. The third canvas, with a deep burgundy background,  would hold the roots to the tree. I decided to turn the canvas sideways so it fit nicely under the grouping of the other two canvases. As I began to paint the roots, the darkness of the tangled roots began to grow taking up almost the entire canvas.

I continued to brush in the roots of the tree and as I was working, a Scripture in Hebrews came to mind. This happens to me quite often and sometimes, I wonder if anyone else has the same thing happen to them. "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord. Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." (Hebrews 12:14-15). The mass of tangled roots were ugly and dark. Just like the seed of bitterness can be in someone's life.

The seed of bitterness...what exactly were they? As I thought more about it, I realized that a seed of bitterness comes directly from a hurt that has been harbored deep in the heart. The hurt could have been something done intentionally to a person, or it could have been something done unintentionally but in any event, the hurt was there...and the longer the hurt was left unattended, the more it would fester and grow. It would germinate.

I looked at my painting. The lovely Fall colors were so vibrant and pretty. The tree looked so sturdy and strong, but then there were the ugly roots...roots of bitterness. Did I have any roots of bitterness growing in my heart? I thought about the roots. Roots are underground and they are hidden from view. If I beheld any bitterness in my heart, it wouldn't be visible to anyone else unless they saw evidence of it. I could have roots of bitterness festering deep inside myself and no one would ever know unless I allowed the bitterness to overflow from my heart by anger, hurtful words, or hatefulness.

The more I stood there, the more I thought. Yes, I'd been hurt by many people in my life. Had I forgiven them all? Did I know my heart well enough to be able to say yes? No, I didn't. The Bible says the heart is deceitfully wicked, who can know it? The only way I could know clearly if I held any bitterness in my heart was to ask God to reveal it to me. If He revealed anything to me, the next thing I'd need was His grace to remove the hurt and bitterness. I knew I wouldn't be able to remove it myself.

Was I angry at God? Had I allowed a root of bitterness to form in my heart at God? I was hurt and angry that He'd allowed cancer into my life but I'd come to terms with it, or so I thought. Had I truly accepted God's sovereignty over my life?

I don't think it was a coincidence that I had painted this tree with the massive root system. I've been reading the book, The Bait of Satan, by John Bevere, and in that book, Mr. Bevere helps his readers understand the way Satan uses offenses to cause us to fall into the sin of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness and bitterness go hand in hand. Was God trying to emphasize something to me?

As I finished up my painting and washed my brushes clean, I could almost hear God whisper to my heart, "You have some roots of bitterness you need to deal with, my child." I put my art supplies away and took my Bible from the shelf. I read Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I know in the next few days, He will reveal to me any unforgiveness or bitterness I've harbored. When He does, I'll intentionally forgive and release those hurts from my heart. I'll allow His perfect grace and mercy to flood my soul and cleanse it, replacing the hurt with His love. 

It's so important to forgive quickly. When I was first married, my great Aunt gave me a set of sheets as a wedding gift. Along the top edge of the sheets she had written, " Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Ephesians 4:26. I'll never forget how I felt when I first saw those sheets. They were a beautiful, pale shade of sun-kissed yellow. Though it's been almost 40 years since I unfolded her sweet gift and placed them on my bed, I can still see her beautiful penmanship in my mind. What a sweet reminder to always be quick to forgive and slow to anger. In so doing, we can keep those little seeds of bitterness from ever taking root in our heart. 

I glanced down at the 3 canvases lying on my kitchen table. I'd completed my collage and I was pleased. It amazes me how God can use the simplest of things to speak to my heart on a daily basis. He used those roots to illuminate my heart. Do you have any unconfessed hurts or roots of bitterness in your heart today? You can't discover them on your own. The only way you can know is to ask God to reveal them to you. When He does, be quick to forgive, forget, and release those harbored hurts into His loving arms of grace. You don't want your heart to ever hide roots of bitterness. Even one tiny root can cause great devastation and destruction in your life. 

Evidence of a root of bitterness include hypersensitivity, a critical spirit, holding grudges, inability to forgive, mood swings, and even depression. A root of bitterness will affect you not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." (Ephesians 4:31) Bitterness is like an acid slowly destroying the container that holds it. Don't let bitterness take root in your heart. If someone hurts you, quickly forgive them. Sometimes they may not even know they hurt you, so be sure to check your spirit. Don't give Satan the bait to allow you to hold onto an offense. When you release the offender and let it go, you free yourself too.

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