This morning, as I was reading my Bible, God pointed me to the book of Job (pronounced with a long O sound not like the word job), chapters 38-39. If you're not familiar with it, in a nutshell Job was a very wealthy man who loved the Lord and praised Him daily. Satan asked God if everything was taken away from Job, would Job still love and worship Him. So God gave Satan permission to do anything he wanted to do to Job except kill him. Satan had a field day. He destroyed Job's family, took away all of his wealth, and made him physically ill. At first, Job praised God anyway and said "the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away" but as the destruction on his life continues, Job becomes tired of fighting. He begins to ask God why...why was he even born!
God in His power and might answers Job in a way Job did not expect. He tells Job that He is going to question him and He (God) is going to demand that Job answer Him. He starts out asking Job where he was when He (God) created the earth. Then He asks Job who laid out boundaries for the ocean waters. He then asks "Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?" On and on the questions come. In essence, God was telling Job that He was God and Job was not. He had allowed Job to suffer and He had allowed it for a purpose.
I thought about those chapters in the book of Job and how they could apply to me right now. God seemed to be shouting at me, "this is what I want you to understand! You haven't done anything wrong, you've done nothing to deserve this disease, but I've allowed it for my purposes." Okay, okay! I get it God! It's not for me to understand and I won't ask why any longer. I'll just accept the fact that you've chosen to take me through this for a special reason. I may never understand the reason until I can look back and see what you were doing. I may never understand it at all, but I will accept your sovereign will in my life. After finally accepting the fact that God's allowing this into my life, I can relax a little. I don't have to worry and wonder any more. I can rest just knowing that He's got it all figured out.
I've been overwhelmed with the love and support I've received over the past few days. God has been using others to minister His love to me. Complete strangers have wrapped their arms tightly around me and comforted me. Oh they haven't been by my side physically, but through the magic of the internet, I've met thousands of new sisters who are either in the beginning, in the middle, or in the end stages of Cancer. Each one of them have been willing to "pay it forward" to newbies like me.
Cancer comes with a million unanswered questions and the "Pink Sisterhood" are a wealth of information when it comes to finding answers. Through Facebook groups like "Breast Cancer Survivors," "Breast Cancer Champions," "Christian Women Living with Cancer" and others, I've found women who are willing to be open and honest and raw about their journeys. They don't belittle me for asking "dumb" questions. They answer truthfully and candidly.
One of the ladies lives in the Atlanta area and has even offered to come visit me and bring me things that she used during her surgical recovery period. Isn't it amazing that a complete stranger would be willing to come and talk with me? Isn't it generous of her to be willing to give me helpful tips and advice to make my journey a little easier? I think so!From what I've learned so far from these ladies, once they've made it to the "other side of Cancer" they are so filled with gratitude, they just feel an overwhelming need to "pay it forward." Right now, I'm on the receiving end but hopefully, in the very near future, I'll be on the giving end.
Reading their stories gives me hope. One thing I've seen throughout each of their journeys is a strong desire to live and the will to fight. Very rarely do you read about a woman diagnosed with Cancer who just rolls over and gives up. Usually, they put up their dukes, crawl into the ring and start punching! It doesn't matter how many times they get knocked down; they somehow manage to get up again. And they keep on fighting until either Cancer deals the final blow or they kick Cancer's butt. I think God gives women an extra dose of courage, strength, wisdom, and patience when He creates them. Afterall, how could we make it in the world today without those?
I am thankful that God is God and I am not! I wouldn't want to have all the responsibilities that He has holding the stars in place, keeping the oceans in their boundaries...listening to all those prayers! Whenever I don't understand why He's allowing something into my life, I have to remember that when I can't see His hand, I can trust His heart. And that's enough for me.
©bonnie annis all rights reserved
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