I am weak

I'll admit it. I am weak. Although I long to be strong, and as a child of God I should be, sometimes I find that I am very weak. Cancer has helped me see just how weak I am. Wouldn't you think I'd be able to laugh through my tiredness and keep my emotions in control at all times? After all, my strength is supposed to come from the Lord, isn't it?

I've been reading a lot in the book of Paul lately. My suffering seems so trivial compared to what he endured. He was mobbed, jailed, beaten, deprived of food and sleep, and endured three shipwrecks. But even in the midst of all of those things, he was able to say he was most happy to be proud of his weaknesses so that he could feel the strength and protection of the Lord over him.

There's nothing about my weakness, my tiredness, my pain, or my emotional mood swings that makes me proud. I have realized though that people will only see me as a strong woman if they can understand how difficult this journey really is for me. If I go through surgery and treatments without ever talking about how hard it is, or if I never share my emotions with them; they won't see all that God is doing in my life. When they see my tears of depression slip out in the midst of a normal day, when they see a forced smile in the midst of pain, then and only then can they marvel at the strength God has given me. When they hear me admit my weakness yet still continue on, they can praise God for my persistence.

There is truth to Paul's words. When I admit I am weak, then I can boast. But I am not boasting in my own abilities...only in the strength God has given me to press on. I hate the weakness that Cancer has brought into my life. But during this trial, as I've surrendered to God and trusted Him, I've learned to appreciate His strength. I've learned to appreciate the love and support of those around me.

Thank you, God, for showing me that it's okay for me to be weak because when I am weak, You are strong. Help me use my admission of weakness to point others to You.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

"So fto keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,1 ga thorn was given me in the flesh, ha messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 iThree times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, j“My grace is sufficient for you, for kmy power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that lthe power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 mFor the sake of Christ, then, nI am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For owhen I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

^"4 In fact, in everything we do we try to show that we are true ministers of God.
We patiently endure suffering and hardship and trouble of every kind." 2 Corinthians 6:4