This morning, I was thinking back over my life and how God has used painful physical ailments to teach me valuable lessons and grow my faith. In order for you to understand, I'll have to take you back into my past and share a little of my journey with you.
In 1970, as I had just completed the eighth grade in high school, I began to get extremely ill. Every morning, my stomach would do somersaults and I would experience extreme nausea and pain. My mother took me to doctor after doctor trying to find the root of the problem. One doctor said I had hepatitis, another said I had an ulcer. Days and months passed as I continued to get worse. At her wits end, my mother took me to see a gastroenterologist, Dr. Girardeau, who told her to take me out to lunch and let me eat the greasiest thing on the menu and then bring me back for testing. I'm sure she thought it odd medical advice, I know I sure did. After a meal of greasy fried chicken, we headed back to the doctor and he did an ultrasound of my belly. The test showed exactly what the doctor suspected, gallstones. No wonder the other doctors couldn't find out what was wrong with me, usually teenagers don't suffer from gallstones! In early 1971, Surgery was scheduled and before surgery began, my gallbladder ruptured and gangrene was flowing through my body. This was a very dangerous situation and I was very close to death, but God wasn't quite ready for me to come home just yet. Dr. Girardeau worked quickly. After a rough physical struggle, I made it through surgery and recovery. I spent months at home getting stronger and even spent the first half of my ninth grade year being home schooled. During that time of serious illness, my walk with Christ was strengthened as I learned to rely on him for not only my physical comfort and well being, but even more importantly, for my spiritual health and well being. I was so physically weak that I spent many days in bed...all I could do was cry out to God for healing.
In 1991, I was involved in a serious motor vehicle accident. My car was totaled and my right leg was crushed below the knee. I was told in the hospital emergency room that my leg was going to have to be amputated and that I'd never walk again, but my family began to pray. On call that day was the top orthopedic surgeon in Gainesville's Northeast Georgia Medical Center, Dr. Bruce McAllister. God had strategically placed him there at the exact time I needed him. Dr. McAllister asked me if I wanted to walk again and I emphatically told him yes. He told me that he would do everything he could to help me realize that dream and he did. After a year and a half in a wheelchair with an external fixator on my leg with long steel pins holding my tibia and fibula together; I spent hour upon hour seeking God's face. I did everything the doctor told me to do and instead of losing my leg, God saved it. I graduated from the wheelchair to a year on crutches and finally was able to walk again. I was not about to give up the fight. God had promised me that I would walk again and I did. He allowed the motor vehicle accident to slow me down and gain my attention. I had been so self sufficient before my injury. God used that time to teach me about His character, His faithfulness, and His love.
Now it's 2014 and I find myself facing another health challenge. I am suffering from Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, stage 2 Breast Cancer. Once again, God is using the gift of suffering to draw me closer to Him. Sometimes I ask Him what else I need to learn...haven't I suffered enough? He lovingly and patiently waits for me to realize that my suffering is nothing compared to what He did for me on the cross. My suffering is nothing compared to martyrs all over the world who have been tortured for their faith. My suffering is but a brief and momentary affliction that He's allowed into my life to teach me more about His love for me.
It's hard to understand how suffering, faith, and love go hand in hand isn't it? It's normal to ask why a loving and caring God would allow one of His children to experience so much pain and agony. But in the asking, we have to remember that God's ways are not our ways. His ways are so much higher than ours. He has an ultimate goal in mind when He allows suffering into our lives. I don't know what the goal is yet, but whatever it is, I want it. For I know that His gift will be His best for me. If it means that I have to suffer for a while, then I will gladly suffer. And while suffering is never easy, it brings about great faith. God's love is evident in my life because through His gift of suffering, I find myself relying on Him to daily increase my faith. I know He has a reason and His reason is for my good.It's not easy to suffer, in fact, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but God hasn't left me abandoned to fight this fight alone. I feel His presence daily surrounding me and guiding me.
Don't you just love to give gifts? We search for any occasion to go shopping and buy the perfect gift for those we love. Most gifts are exciting and unexpected. Part of the gift of giving blesses the receiver and part of it blesses the gift giver. For the receiver, the fun is opening up the gift and seeing what the giver has chosen. For the giver, it's fun to watch the face of the receiver as they anticipate opening the gift. But the gift of suffering...it's not as pleasant to accept. If we truly love all the wonderful gifts that God has chosen specifically for us then how can we refuse to accept His gift of suffering when He presents it for our benefit? Can we understand that He has taken the time to choose just the perfect type of suffering that He knows will bring about the goal He's specifically chosen for us? Sure it would be easy to push away the gift of suffering and refuse to accept it. In fact, I'm sure that would have been what I would have first chosen to do had I not experienced God's blessings through suffering in the past. But I can't refuse a gift from my loving Heavenly Father...one He's picked out with me in mind. Only He knows why this specific gift of Cancer was chosen for me. Only He knows what benefits it will yield in my life. I just have to wait for the gift to completely unfold in the days ahead and as the wrapping and ribbon are stripped away, maybe I'll come to understand why I was picked to be the recipient of such a carefully thought out gift.
©bonnie annis all rights reserved
"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace [Who imparts all blessing and favor], Who has called you to His [own] eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"Many [are] the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all." Psalm 34:19
"O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable [are] his judgments, and his ways past finding out!" Romans 11:33
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