Time to put on my big girl panties

“Its time to put on your big girl panties!” Where did that come from??? That's what I heard in my mind at the same time the radiologist was telling me that I had Breast Cancer. Time to grow up, move on and be an adult. But the little girl inside me was screaming, No! I don’t want to.” I argued with the little girl inside and said “Sometimes you don’t want to, but you have to. Because you’re a big girl.” Putting on your Big Girl Panties means many times you have to do something hard, even when you don't want to, even when you don't FEEL like it.

Big girl panties mean more than just panties. They mean you are an adult. You have to be responsible even when its hard. You have to pay your bills on time. Obey the rules. Be on time. Do your best. And why do you have to do your best? Because you wear the big girl panties!

When you have on your big girl panties, you learn to stand up for yourself. You can say yes or you can say no. It's your choice...because you’re a big girl. Wear the panties.

When you wear your big girl panties, you are fierce! You put your best foot forward, put on your war paint and face the day with gusto. You are powerful! You can take the day and make it yours. You can say bring it on and mean it.

Women look good in big girl panties and no, they don't look like your grannies panties! What do they look like? Well, it depends on your own personal pair of big girl panties! Yours are probably very different than mine. Yours may be a beautiful, frilly, lacy, pair of sexy black lingerie. Yours may even be a thong but mine definitely are not! Whatever they look like, they are your own private pair of big girl panties. No one need ever see them.

But sometimes it's hard to put on the big girl panties. Especially when you're in pain. When you just feel like you want to curl up in bed and stay there forever. You want to take the big girl panties and chuck them across the room. You don't want to even look at them much less remember you have them.

Do all women own a pair of big girl panties? And if so, how did we get them? I don't remember where mine came from or when I first learned to use them. Maybe they were nestled snugly in the items my mother brought home from the hospital, perhaps they were hidden among bibs, tshirts, and diapers. Perhaps they were packaged in a little box with the instructions "do not open until crisis occurs" imprinted ever so boldly on a hanging tag. Wherever they came from, I wish I could send them back.

I've had on my big girl panties for the past few days. They've helped me get past the reality of Cancer but today, they are wadded up in the corner of my bedroom lying on the floor. I don't want to be an adult today. I don't want to be responsible today. I don't want to suck it up and move on.

Today I think I'm going to go commando! Today I'm going to throw caution to the wind. I'm going to let it all hang out. I'm going to be free. I'm not going to live up to anyone's expectations. I'm not going to "do the right thing." I'm just going to crawl back into bed, move my drainage tubes aside and slide onto my mountain of pillows. I'm going to pull the covers up over my head, turn out the light and close my eyes.

My big girl panties will still be crumpled up against the wall when I decide to get up. Maybe I'll pick them up and gingerly fold them and maybe I won't. Whatever I decide to do, it will be my decision. And if you see my big girl panties run up on a flagpole for everyone to see, don't be surprised. Perhaps you'll salute them in my honor. Perhaps you'll smile at them and think about your own big girl panties and when you're going to step into them next.

Big girl panties. We all step into them one leg at a time whenever we need to take on a challenge that requires the strength that God gives especially to women. In fact, speaking of God, I think He's the one that gave me my first pair of big girl panties. They were invisible to the eyes of others but I could see them. I could see they were sewn with hands of love and hemmed with seams of trust. They had bands of elastic forged from His strength. Those big girl panties had one size fits all imprinted on the inside band. On the tag was embroidered the following: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”... 2 Cor. 12:9 I know I still have them somewhere. Oh wait, I think I see something sticking out from under the bed...

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