Compliance

Yesterday I went to the radiology clinic expecting to meet with the radiologist to discuss my recent CT scan and treatment plan, but instead, I went through another detailed mapping procedure. I was taken back to the dressing room and told to put on a gown. , I was lead into the radiation room and placed on a table that had my personal body mold affixed to it. I was thankful to have the mold underneath me because the table was narrow, cold, and hard. At least with the body mold, I had a nice, comfortable place to lie down.

Two radiology techs came into the room and worked to reposition me several times. They had placed a sheet underneath me so they could move me about easily. As they were working to get me into the proper position, I noticed there were lasers aimed at me. I tried not to look directly at them because I know lasers can damage your eyes. When they pulled the radiation machine over my chest, I could see a reflection of myself in the glass window. There were bright green laser lights highlighting my chest and the black dots, lines, and x's they'd made last week were being used for guide placements while new lines were being drawn. Several xrays were taken as the table vibrated while the machine worked. It felt weird lying there topless on this foam mold with lasers pointed at me from several different angles of the room. It almost felt like I was going to be disintegrated at any moment!

A large oval machine was moved into place and hovered over my chest. For some reason it made me think of one of my children's favorite Disney movies, "The Flight of the Navigator." In the movie, a 12-year-old boy named David becomes great friends with the artificial intelligence on an alien spaceship. He and "Max" are on a mission to retrieve star charts and solve the mystery of David's change in mental acuity. Max looks very similar to the radiation machine, which looks like a giant eyeball. I couldn't help but hear the word, "compliance," in my mind as I lay there. (Max, in the movie, always utters "compliance" whenever David gives him a verbal command on where to navigate the alien spacecraft.) As I lay there daydreaming, the radiology tech asked me to scoot over just a bit on the table and I almost subconsciously muttered, "compliance!"

For over forty five minutes, I was shifted and repositioned while the radiology techs marked and remarked places on my chest. I was surprised when they began marking up my neck and along my ribcage. I asked if they were going to include those areas in the field of radiation that I would be receiving and they responded yes. When I asked for an explanation, they said that those were areas most likely spots for the cancer to travel toward. I never thought my throat would be an area that would be radiated and this concerned me. I remembered the radiologist had told me that one of the side effects from radiation that could possibly affect me was an inability to swallow. Now it made sense. I surely hope I don't experience that!

As the table was lowered and I was helped up, I couldn't help but think, on Tuesday I'll be receiving a dose of real radiation. It seems it's been months since I was diagnosed but it's only been 7 weeks since my surgery. I am so thankful I don't have to go through chemotherapy! Radiation will be difficult but I think chemotherapy would be so much more difficult.

I'm a member of several Breast Cancer Facebook sites and many of the women posting on those are going through chemotherapy currently. Almost every one of them shares about some horrible side effect they are dealing with now. There's hair loss, nausea, vomiting, weakness, fatigue, bone and joint pain, etc. At least with radiation, I know I am not ingesting poison.

I don't understand how radiation is used to treat cancer. Doesn't radiation cause cancer? What about Nagasaki and Hiroshima? When we dropped the Atomic bomb many, many people died from radiation poisoning. I'm sure there are scientific calculations involved deciding exactly how much radiation I'll receive, but it sure is scary. Radiologists use computers to perform those calculations and computers are controlled by humans, and humans make mistakes. All I can do is trust that God has all of this under control.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I glanced over at the huge lead lined tower that housed the radiation equipment. The lead was supposed to keep the radiation from traveling outside the building. I wondered how many times radiation could be beamed into that room and stored into those lead walls before it became compromised. Science astounds me and while I don't understand it all, I am grateful for doctors who study for years and years to understand the field in which they work. Their expertise helps guide the treatment that many of us receive. I stopped at that moment and prayed for my doctor  to have wisdom and discernment as she planned my course of treatment.  I know God honored my prayers and He will guide Dr. Santiago in the days ahead.

Just like in the movie, the Flight of the Navigator, when little David doesn't have a clue where the spaceship is taking him, I have no idea what to expect in the days ahead. And just like Max, when the navigator instructs him on his next course of action, I'll respond with a hearty "compliance" as the doctors lead me on this journey. I will trust them as they mark out the next course, but even though they think they are in control, my navigator, Jesus Christ, controls every aspect of my care and He will never steer me wrong.

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