Tell all Tuesday

Once again, it's time to give you a weekly update instead of a devotional post. This week has been full of blessings and challenges. Let's start with the challenges first.

• Sleeping, or the lack thereof, has been my number one challenge. I've written about this in a previous post so I won't expound on it other than to say I'm still struggling in this area. Last night I took a melatonin and slept til 2 a.m. then I was wide awake. I tried drinking a glass of milk and even putting lavender essential oil on my feet, nothing worked. This is a huge concern for me because I know my body needs rest to heal properly. I will discuss this with my doctor on Friday.
• Swelling in my chest area and upper arms and armpits has been bothersome. When I'm up for long periods of time and doing my normal household chores, the swelling increases greatly. I usually sit for about an hour around lunch time with my arms elevated on pillows and this seems to lessen the swelling some. I will talk with my doctor about this on Friday, too. 
• Abdominal pressure/plumbing problems - not a pretty subject but just telling the truth here. Since surgery, my innards aren't quite back to normal. Metamucil has become my best friend and daily companion! 
• Depression/Emotional swings: I'm not usually a person who experiences depression, but since surgery, I'm finding myself feeling down more often than usual. I'm thankful I can recognize when I'm sliding down the slippery slope of depression and can do something about it. Usually a good cry will release the bad hormones and I feel better afterwards. My emotions have been all over the place. I find myself crying at the silliest things. I don't understand why I'm feeling like a basket case, but I do. Perhaps it's all the trauma from surgery, grief over losing parts of my body, change in appearance, feeling less feminine or a combination of all of the above. 
• Clothing- Pullover shirts are a definite problem unless someone is here to help me get them off. I can get them on with some effort but removing them is another story. Button down shirts in a cotton fabric are my number one choice for comfort and ease. (Does that sound a little like a commercial...the touch, the feel, the fabric of our lives, the touch the feel of cotton...the fabric of My Life...sorry, I couldn't resist!)
• Loneliness- a constant challenge since surgery. I'm not used to being alone and don't like it one little bit. During the day, I find myself longing for another person to talk to and no one is here. 

Blessings:

• My number one blessing this week was finding out I DO NOT HAVE TO DO CHEMOTHERAPY!!! I was elated when my oncologist gave me the news. That was a huge prayer answered!
• A very dear friend of mine mailed me a huge box filled with beautiful handmade, crocheted and knitted items. There were hats, a beautiful shawl, some jewelry, and other items. The love inside the box was the most precious of all. This friend had put in hours of her time to make things so perfect for me. 
• Cards and letters - a few friends sent cards or letters this week. They have drastically slowed down since I was first diagnosed but I am still thankful people remember me daily. There's nothing like knowing someone has thought or prayed for you when you are going through a traumatic time in your life, is there?
• Facebook - yes, Facebook has been a blessing. I have made many new friends through the Breast Cancer Survivor's site and also through Breast Cancer Champions site. It's comforting to know I'm not alone on this journey and can talk to others who understand exactly what I'm going through. 
• God cares about even the smallest of our prayers! Monday I was praying and asking God to help me get through my radiation treatments. I won't have anyone to go with me and was concerned about that. As I prayed, a silly little thought crossed my mind, "you need a lion to ride with you to treatments so you can remember to be brave and courageous." A lion??? Well, since I can't have a real one, I guess a stuffed one would have to do. Isn't that a silly thing to bring before the Lord? Not really. He cares about everything that concerns me so I asked Him to please provide a lion for me. Do you know what happened? He did just that! I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a cute stuffed lion to take with me to treatments. Within just a few minutes, one of my friends sent me a note telling me that she would be sending one right away. While I never dreamed someone would actually care enough to send me a lion, I was awed at the way God answered my prayer. Now I will have a sweet reminder to be brave and courageous as I travel to treatments alone. Thank you, God!
• A loving husband- Phil continues to minister to me daily. He is so patient and kind. When I am teary eyed, he comes and kneels down beside me and tells me it's going to be okay. He reminds me that we are in this together and that it won't last forever. What would I ever do without him? He also makes ice cream runs whenever I get in a mood for an ice cold treat. He asks what flavor I'd like and he's out the door like a flash. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm really not!
• My children - I am thankful my children check in on me daily. They don't always get to call me, sometimes they text, but they do show they care. I am so glad they love me. 
• Friends- I'm thankful for friends who continually encourage me. I have one friend in particular, Karen, who's further along in her breast cancer journey and who has been dealing with extreme fatigue this week, but she still makes time to get in touch with me. She has been my breast cancer mentor, helping me know what to expect next along the journey. I am so thankful for her! 
• Blogging- What a blessing blogging has been! Without it, I think I would be curled up in a corner somewhere. It's been a great place to share my innermost thoughts and that has been a wonderful part of my healing process. 
• Gratitude- This was not listed last because it is of least importance, in fact, it was listed last because it is of the utmost importance, and I wanted to make sure you remembered the last thing you read. Cancer has a way of making you realize the things you can let go of quickly and the things you really need to pay attention to in your life. The moments count. Learning to let go of unkindness, bitterness, unforgiveness, and past hurts are huge blessings. I am grateful God allows me to see things through His eyes. The world looks so different through the lens of Cancer. I am so filled with gratitude that God has allowed me to live for whatever time He deems I have left on this Earth. I am thankful for the chance to re-evaluate my life and focus on things I never paid attention to before and to be able to disregard things that don't really matter. I've learned to let go of the small stuff that used to get on my nerves and focus on the miracles God sends me every second. I have firsthand evidence that God inhabits the praise of His people! I am thankful for more than I can say.

 And that's it for today! As you can see by reading this post, Cancer brings both good and bad things into your life. I choose to focus on the good it brings. Hopefully I am giving you a clear picture of what I deal with on a daily basis and perhaps this will help you help someone along their own journey one day. It is my honor to share with you in hopes of touching your heart with compassion and caring for others. Be blessed today and enjoy your day.....until tomorrow, Bonnie

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