On death and dying

Yesterday I received a phone call from the Newnan Times Herald asking to do a phone interview with me on my struggle with Breast Cancer. For over an hour, I listened as the journalist asked me one question after another. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was a young man in his late 20's or early 30's. Each question he asked allowed me to share my story. As I was speaking, I could tell he was quickly jotting down notes because I could hear the distinct sound of pen set to paper. I tried to speak a little slower so he wouldn't have to struggle to write so fast.

I was honored that the journalist wanted to include my story in the series for October. October is Breast Cancer awareness month and the paper was trying to include true life accounts of women going through different phases of treatment. I think I shocked the young journalist when I told him I didn't like the way celebrities glamorized Breast Cancer and I referred to the recent People magazine cover done by Joan Lunden. I'll be curious to see whether or not that comment makes it into print.

As the interview was winding down, I couldn't help but think of the people I've known in my life who have succumbed to one form of cancer or another. Sweet people who struggled valiantly. Christians who chose to use their faith as their primary method of fighting. Some of the bravest women I know include my Great Aunt Myra and my grandmother. Both of these ladies died from brain cancer. Then there are two other women I was honored to know, Rachael Ross and Debbie Jackson. Both of those women were fairly young when diagnosed. Both of them fought hard to live. Both of them carried their faith with them on each step of their journey. Both of them died a painful death.

All over the Internet and in the news has been the story of another young woman, Brittany Maynard. A 29 year old woman dying of brain cancer who plans to take a pill given to her by her doctors as she wants to choose her own death and avoid hospice and the suffering her brain-tumor cancer may entail — Her story-gone-viral speaks of her plan to swallow the pill and choose death on her own terms in her own bedroom with her husband beside her and her favorite music playing in the background. Her story is raw — and she has all our love and prayers…. Before she dies by assisted suicide, Brittany states that she wants to use the rest of her time on earth to lobby for every American to have access to assisted suicide services. 

That story greatly disturbed me. I wondered, when I read it, whether or not she was a Christian. I think she probably was not. How can someone who has faith in a loving, kind, and merciful God usurp His authority over her own life? How can she not trust that He has a plan for her as she goes through this trial? And even if He chooses not to heal her, why can't she trust Him to carry her through the valley of the shadow of death?

After I read Brittany's story, I read another story. A story that spoke to my heart. A sister in Christ was so moved by Brittany's lack of hope and direction that she chose to reach out to her through her own painful journey with cancer. This story is of Kara Tippetts. Kara is dying, too. Read the email she wrote to Brittany:
"Suffering is not the absence of goodness, it is not the absence of beauty, but perhaps it can be the place where true beauty can be known.
In your choosing your own death, you are robbing those that love you with the such tenderness, the opportunity of meeting you in your last moments and extending you love in your last breaths.
As I sat on the bed of my young daughter praying for you, I wondered over the impossibility of understanding that one day the story of my young daughter will be made beautiful in her living because she witnessed my dying.
That last kiss, that last warm touch, that last breath, matters — but it was never intended for us to decide when that last breath is breathed.
Knowing Jesus, knowing that He understands my hard goodbye, He walks with me in my dying. My heart longs for you to know Him in your dying. Because in His dying, He protected my living. My living beyond this place.

Because in His dying, He protected my living. My living beyond this place.

Brittany, when we trust Jesus to be the carrier, protector, redeemer of our hearts, death is no longer dying. My heart longs for you to know this truth, this love, this forever living.
You have been told a lie. A horrible lie, that your dying will not be beautiful. That the suffering will be too great.
Today my oncologist and I spoke of your dying, of my dying, and of the beautiful partnership I have with my doctors in carrying me to my last moments with gentle care. For two thousand years doctors have lived beside the beautiful stream of protecting life and lovingly meeting patients in their dying with grace.
The doctor that prescribed you that pill you carry with you that will hasten your last breath has walked away from the Hippocratic oath that says, “first, do no harm.” He or she has walked away from the oath that has protected life and the beautiful dying we are granted. The doctors agreeing to such medicine are walking away from the beautiful protection of the Hippocratic oath.
There are also people who are speaking in ugly tones that make those of us who believe in Jesus seem unsafe, unkind, or unloving. Will you forgive us for the voices that feel like they are screaming at you from a heart that isn’t loving.
But in my whispering, pleading, loving voice dear heart- will you hear my heart ask you, beg you, plead with you — not to take that pill. Yes, your dying will be hard, but it will not be without beauty

Yes, your dying will be hard, but it will not be without beauty

. Will you please trust me with that truth.
More importantly, will you hear from my heart that Jesus loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He died an awful death upon a cross so that you would know Him today that we would no longer live separate from Him and in our death. He died and His death happened, it is not simply a story.
He died and He overcame death three days later, and in that overcoming of death He overcame the death you and I are facing in our cancer. He longs to know you, to shepherd you in your dying, and to give you life and give you life abundant- eternal life.
For everyone living knowing death is eminent- that we all will one day face this it – the question that is most important. Who is this Jesus, and what does He have to do with my dying? Please do not take that pill before you ask yourself that question.
It’s a question we all must ask, as we are all dying.
I recently wrote a book, The Hardest Peace, and I also blog about my journey of my living and my journey towards my last breath. It is not simply a story of dying of cancer, but of living this breath. It’s a book for each of us that has breath still to breath, to embrace our living, and to look upon our dying with grace. Living in BIG LOVE and meeting my end in love. Stunning, important, love.
But more than my book, I would jump on a plane tomorrow to meet you and share the beautiful brokenness of my story and meet you in yours if you would ever consider having me.
I pray my words reach you.
I pray they reach the multitudes that are looking at your story and believing the lie that suffering is a mistake, that dying isn’t to be braved, that choosing our death is the courageous story.
No – hastening death was never what God intended.
But in our dying, He does meet us with His beautiful grace.

But in our dying, He does meet us with His beautiful grace.

The Hippocratic oath matters, and those that are choosing to walk away from it need to be challenged.
My heart hurts that they have decided to swim from the shores of grace that it protected in our living and dying.
I get to partner with my doctor in my dying, and it’s going to be a beautiful and painful journey for us all.
But, hear me —  it is not a mistake —
beauty will meet us in that last breath."

Do you see the different perspectives? Brittany has no hope. She thinks she's making a wise decision, planning her own death, taking matters into her own hands. She wants to be in control on the last days of her life. She's chosen exactly how and when and where she wants to leave this earth. Kara, on the other hand, has chosen to take one moment at a time. To trust God every step of the way even when the way is unclear...and in her trusting, she has peace...she has hope...she knows her Savior loves her and wants the best for her...even if that means dying. 

I hung up the phone from the interview and went into the living room to talk with my husband. I told him I didn't know how I really felt about the notoriety I'd receive from the newspaper article when it was published. Yes, it was an honor to be asked to share my story and hopefully, the journalist will include the statements I made on my faith. I want others to know that I, like Kara Tippetts, am choosing to trust God with each step of my journey and no, the steps aren't easy. They are steep, and hard, and burdensome...but I choose to trust. Unlike Brittany Maynard, I am choosing to continue on with my battle. I would never presume to know God's will for me by planning to take my own life. 

I can understand Brittany's desperation. I can understand that given her prognosis, of terminal stage 4 brain cancer, that things seem bleak...but on the other hand, I know the power of my God! I have seen Him completely heal and I have seen Him allow people to die. His will is His alone. His ways are not our ways and if Brittany could understand that, I'm sure her story would be very different. 

In the days ahead, I will be praying specifically for Brittany. I will be asking God to become so real in her life that she can't help but know Him personally. I will be praying for her to make a radical change in her life and to cancel her plans of taking her own life. I will be asking God to give her a clear understanding of His plan for her. If He so chooses, God could completely, in an instant, heal her body and remove every speck of cancer from her life. I have faith to believe this because I know God's Word to be true. I am thankful that I don't have to walk in darkness, as Brittany does. My God is bigger than my cancer and I am so very grateful that He is!

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