Strange orders

My visit to the radiation clinic today was unusual in that I was not treated. When I was called back for my session, the therapist looked at my skin and called the doctor in for a consult. The doctor said I couldn't be treated today because my skin was in such bad shape. She told me to get dressed and she'd see me in her office. I wasn't too surprised at her decision. My skin is so burned, broken, and peeling. It's very painful to even move, so I was thankful I won't be receiving radiation today.

In Dr. Santiago's office, she talked to me about the importance of airing my skin to help prevent dryness. She instructed me to sit around without a shirt on for the next 2 days. That's going to be difficult for me because I'm extremely cold natured and I'm very modest. I told her I would be obedient and do as she asked. She also asked about my chest pains and my nausea. She was concerned that I'd dropped 2 pounds over the weekend. I explained that the chest pains are being monitored by my cardiologist and he feels that it's Pericarditis related to the radiation. We can't figure out what the nausea is from unless it's also related to the radiation. She said some people do get nauseated from the accumulation of radiation in their bodies but she wasn't sure if that's what I was experiencing or if I had perhaps caught a stomach virus. I haven't been around anyone who's been ill, so I think it must be related to the radiation too.

After leaving the clinic, I ran by CVS to pick up my prescription for nausea. I also picked up some Advil per the doctor's orders. I think the people in CVS are recognizing me when I come in now because they smile and call me by my first name. I don't know if that's a good thing...

So now I'm home, sitting at my computer with the blinds drawn so none of my neighbors can see I have no shirt on. It's very chilly in the house so I think I'll have to turn on the heat. I need to try and eat something for lunch but I just don't really feel like it. Maybe a bowl of soup will stay down.

I long for the days of good health again. It's amazing how much we take those days for granted until we've lost them. This time last year, I was outside raking leaves and gathering up pine cones. Today I just watch them fall and wish I was able to be out there doing things. My hope is that before the year is over, I'll feel up to doing things again. I keep reminding myself that this won't last forever although right now, it feels like it will never end.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved