Reactions to my decision

Yesterday I shared my decision not to take the medications my Oncologist had prescribed for me. The feedback I received from family and friends was varied. Some of my nearest and dearest friends were confused and one of them even dared to say I was selfish in my decision. I was shocked to know they felt this way and never thought my decision could be perceived as being selfish. Most who voiced their opinions were very encouraging and supportive of my decision. I imagine it's very difficult for someone who's never experienced a close brush with cancer to understand my choice but those who've walked the journey with a friend or loved one know that each of us must choose the path that best fits our needs.

When I made my decision, I didn't base it on what others might think, say, or do. I carefully and purposefully spent time seeking wisdom and direction from God. As I dug deep into the Word, He constantly reaffirmed the fact that I was not alone. He reminded me of great men and women of faith and how even under adverse circumstances, they had followed after Him. I was greatly encouraged as I read one of my favorite books, the book of James. These verses spoke to my heart:

"Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of [a]the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching orfaultfinding, and it will be given him. Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind. For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord, [For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides]."  James 1:2-8 Amplified Bible

There were many things that stood out to me from those verses. The very first thing that jumped off the page was the first sentence in verse 2. I'm going to paraphrase those verses as I interpreted them while I was reading and praying to the Lord. "When you experience any kind of trial or temptation, you should be first filled with JOY because you know that going through the experience will do a great work in your faith life. The trial will be used to teach you to stand firm...to endure...to suffer long. It will be used to mold and shape you into the person Christ desires you to become. The trial has been allowed to enter your life for His purposes and has come with His expressed permission. It was not an accident. It was no surprise to Him although it may have caught you off guard. Since you trust in the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind...you can trust that this journey with, in, and through cancer will be used as a teaching tool. It will be used for God's purposes and everything will go according to His perfect plan for your life. You have come seeking wisdom because you don't know what to do. You want to do what God wants you to do and yet, you don't know what that is so, be bold! Ask God! Ask Him for clarity...for wisdom and direction! Have faith and don't doubt! Ask expecting to receive an answer and that answer will be straight from God, not from your own mind and not from what you think or feel you should do." 

So as I waited patiently on the Lord, I continued to pray. For over two weeks, I prayed and sought His will and direction. Upon my return from Texas, I continued to pray. The morning after we returned, before my feet even hit the floor as I prepared to get out of bed, I felt a wonderful peace flood my spirit. I heard the words, "eat kingdom food" as clearly as if someone were standing in my bedroom with me speaking to me. I rose and pondered what those words meant. Did they mean for me to continue to feast on the word of God or did they mean make a huge change in my diet? As I prayed, I felt God leading me to make a drastic change in the way I've been eating. 

I've learned over the years to hear the voice of God in my life. It has taken many, many years of prayer and listening with discernment to make sure I am clearly hearing from God and not just hearing my own heart's desires. I've even learned to test what I've heard to verify the validity of my hearing so imagine my surprise when I heard God telling me to cut all sugar and processed foods!!! That's going to be a huge lifestyle change! I love chocolate! I love ice cream! I love pizza! Just about everything we eat nowadays is filled with sugar or processed in an unhealthy way. So the kingdom food He instructed me to eat, in my understanding, is organic, raw, healthy fruits, vegetables and grains. 

There have been many studies on cancer and the ways sugar aids in helping to feed those cells. Since I'm not going to be taking the medication to block Estrogen and Progesterone from feeding the cancer cells, I have to combat it with foods that God intended us to eat in the first place! In the garden of Eden, there weren't boxes of prepackaged foods filled with all kinds of unpronounceable names. There were very simple, organic foods. 

I was leary of calling my doctor to give him this news. I didn't know how he would react. Would he be shocked and refuse to continue to care for me? Would he support me in my decision? When I called his office, I was unable to speak directly to the doctor because he was in the midst of seeing patients. I was able to leave a message on the nurse's line and had only a few minutes to think how I should word what I was going to say. I told them my name and birthdate as instructed by the automated recording and then I proceeded to say "After much prayer and discussion with my husband, I've decided NOT to take the medications you prescribed. I have an appointment next month and will be happy to discuss my decision with you at that time. Should you have any questions, please feel free to call me." I left my number and hung up. I was pleased. I'd said all I needed to say. 

When I see the doctor at the end of next month, I'm hoping he'll see a marked difference in my appearance and my blood work. Since he's Jewish, I'll share with him about my faith and how it is integral in every part of my life, but especially in daily decisions that affect my health. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had A.M.A. scribbled across their charts. (A.M.A. means against medical advice for those of you won't didn't know) And then there are those countless others who blindly accept the traditional route of treatment...surgery, chemo, radiation, and adjuvant therapies like Tamoxifen, Arimidex, Aromasin, or Femara. I wonder how many of them do their homework and read about the side effects and long range statistics associated with those treatments? I admit, when I was first diagnosed, I didn't know what to do. I made the mistake of not taking time to seek the Lord. I only listened to my doctor and all the medical team. I did what I was told. Oh, I did make one initial decision...when my breast surgeon gave me the option of having a lumpectomy and chemo then followup mammograms for every 3 months for the rest of my life and possibly more surgeries to come, I said no. I asked if my odds were better going the route of mastectomies and she adamantly agreed they would be. When I asked her what she would do if it were her, she said she'd go the mastectomy route. 

When my Oncologist and I talked at our first visit, I asked him point blank..."if I were your wife or daughter, what would you advise me to do with regard to chemo?" He immediately said, "I'd advise you NOT to take it." At least he was honest. I was thankful for that. That's one reason I'm hoping he'll support me in my decision not to take the medication. If he doesn't, I guess I'll be looking for a new doctor but even if I end up doing that, I know I already have the Great Physician on my team and that's really all I'll ever need.

So my game plan now is to begin eliminating sugar and processed foods from my diet. I know it will be hard, but I've got to do it. I'll also study the Bible more to learn how to fight back with joy. If I'm to consider it "wholly joyful" when I experience trials and temptations, I've got to figure out how to be filled with joy even when things are difficult in my life. I guess the main thing I'm trying to say here is that I've got to learn how to change my perspective! I've got to learn to focus not on what's going on around me but what God's doing in my life. When I can meet difficulties with joy and see them from His perspective, I can learn to accept any and everything He sends into my life.

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