Lymphedema sucks big time! (forgive one more rant, please!)

I wish this was going to be a sunshine and roses post, but it's not, so be prepared. I'm not usually a grouch monster but today, I can't help it....I have a good excuse.

This will be a very short post because my arms are extremely swollen. I was trying to do some sewing today for my grandchildren and was making a good bit of headway until my arms started swelling. I took a little time away from my sewing machine to do the manual lymphatic massage and got the swelling down enough to put on my compression top. After putting it on, I went back into my office/sewing/craft room to resume my projects.

The compression top was extremely uncomfortable and I haven't worn it in a long time so it was rubbing underneath my armpits. It was really tight and I wanted to take it off, but knew if I wanted to keep on sewing, I'd have to keep it on. I managed to wear the compression top and do a couple of hours of sewing before giving in to defeat. I had done all I could do and I knew I had to take off the top.

About the time I was realizing my limitations, my husband came in from work. He's always so sweet to me and started chit chatting about his day. I burst into tears and told him I had to get this top off right now. I reached up underneath my t shirt and unzipped the compression top. I unfastened the hook and eyes and undid the Velcro, pulling the compression top off in one quick motion. What a relief to have that torture device off!

My arms are so swollen now that I can't do another thing. Hubby tells me to go put them up on pillows and rest. I'm so frustrated. I can't get used to being unable to do the things I used to do...lymphedema sucks big time and it will never, ever, ever go away. I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life. Isn't it enough to have your breasts removed? Did I have to end up with non-stop swelling too?

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Forgive me for complaining

I am so tired of waking up with huge, swollen arms! This Lymphedema sucks! Every morning, I have to get up and do manual lymphatic massage on myself just to be able to move my arms. The swelling has gotten so bad that I'm having to buy shirts in a much larger size just so I can get my arms in the sleeves. I don't mean to complain, really I don't, but can't my life just please return to a pre-cancerous state??? Is that too much to ask?

Nobody told me how crappy it would be after having lymph nodes removed. My breast surgeon did elude to the fact that I MIGHT get Lymphedema but she didn't think I would since I was only have 2 lymph nodes removed in my left arm and 4 removed in my right arm. Apparently even having one tiny little lymph node is enough to disrupt the whole lymphatic system and cause Lymphedema. 

It's hard to describe how it feels, but imagine, just underneath your skin, there is an accumulation of fluid. The fluid swells and gets tighter and tighter...so much so, that you feel like your skin is going to pop and split wide open! The swelling impedes movement and is quite painful too. It's not a once in a while thing...when you have it, you have it for good. It doesn't go away. 

My body is already a mess. When I look at myself in the mirror, I wonder how my husband can still love me. I have no breasts. I have huge scars across my chest. I have scars from the drainage tubes they put in after surgery. I have tattoos from the radiation clinic that they used to line me up under the linear accelerator for treatment and also, I have fat, swollen arms. Have you ever seen a Sumo wrestler? That's what I feel like when I look at myself. 

This morning, the swelling was exceptionally worse than usual. When I use my arms a lot during the day or I do any kind of lifting, it exacerbates the Lympedema. It took me about twenty minutes of manual massage to get the lymphatic fluid dispersed throughout my torso so I could put on a shirt. After going through my closet, I finally found one that I could wear. I guess I'll have to donate the shirts that don't have large sleeves to Goodwill and start buying new ones that will accommodate my balloon arms. I do have my Lymphediva sleeves that help compress my arms and aid with the swelling too.

It's so frustrating to have to deal with this physical challenge on a daily basis, but I'm just going to have to accept it and move on. I just needed a chance to rant for a little bit. I'm not normally a negative person. I hope you understand. Surgery doesn't remove all of the challenges, in fact, it creates even more of them. 

I am thankful for the medical advancements that are available now to those of us who've been afflicted with breast cancer. We have so many new and wonderful techniques that can buy us time. Cancer does maim, kill and destroy lives but it's up to us to choose to be thankful to be alive and continue to fight. 

Yes, Lymphedema sucks and yes, I don't like it one little bit, but...it's something I have to live with so I'd better just suck it up and move on. Thank you for allowing me to complain today...it's just been one of those days.