Several months ago, during the process of moving to a new home, I discovered a hard lump in my right breast. At first, I didn't think anything about it and dismissed it. Several days later, I kept having this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'd better get it checked out.
We were so busy with packing up our old home and getting ready to move into our new one that I forgot all about the lump. Two months later, after getting moved into our new house and getting everything settled, I was reminded of the lump that I had conveniently forgotten. One morning, as I bathed in the shower, my hand slid across the lump in my breast. It felt larger than it had before and it felt harder too. I knew I had to get to a doctor as soon as I could.
I didn't know any doctors in this area so I jumped on the internet and searched for a doctor close by. The first women's center I called had no openings and referred me to another practice. I called them and was able to get an appointment for the following day.
When I went to the OB/GYN's office, I felt so out of place sitting there with all the pregnant women. I waited about an hour and a half before I was called back to the exam room. When the doctor entered, I could tell she was in a hurry. It was nearing the end of her work day and I'm sure she was tired. After a brief chat about my problem, she did a breast exam and told me that she'd like me to go have a diagnostic mammogram done as well as an ultrasound. She gave me the orders for those tests and I left her office after having the front desk staff fax the orders to the hospital.
The diagnostic mammogram was rougher than I remembered and I was in tears as the tech completed the last set of images. In my past mammograms, I don't remember having had the pain that I had with this one. Maybe that was because of the mass in my breast, I really don't know. The radiologist read the mammogram films and then took me over to have an ultrasound. The ultrasound was a piece of cake compared to the mammograms! As the tech applied the conductive gel to my breast, I watched on the screen as she passed the conductor over my breast. A large dark mass was clearly visible and it did not have well defined borders which would have indicated that it was a fluid filled cyst.
The radiologist came in and talked with me about the findings. He explained that the mass looked "suspicious" and that he was going to recommend a vacuum core needle biopsy. He explained that it needed to be done as quickly as possible. My head was reeling as I was processing all of this information. All I could think was Cancer, they think I have Cancer! The scheduling person came in and got me set up for the biopsy on the following Monday.
On Monday I was very nervous. I'd had biopsies before and knew they could be quite painful. My daughter had come down from Alpharetta to go with me for the tests. She knew I was scared. She was so sweet to drive all that way just to be with me. I was so thankful for the encouragement she offered me. She tried to help keep my mind off of the test as we drove to the hospital. When I arrived, it wasn't long before I was taken back into the ultrasound room. The tech explained that an ultrasound would be performed at the same time as the biopsy so they could make sure the needle was entering the exact location of the mass. The radiologist injected some topical anesthetic before he began and then made a small incision in the side of my breast. When he inserted the long core biopsy needle, I didn't feel anything but pressure at first, but as he went deeper, I felt extreme pain. I told him that I could feel what he was doing and he administered more anesthetic. Three tissue samples were taken and I was told that I would receive a call from pathology by Thursday.
Today, the call I'd dreaded came around 2:45 p.m. The radiologist, Linda Huff, said "I'm sorry to have to tell you that your pathology report indicated that you do indeed have Cancer." As soon as she said the words, I felt life being sucked out of me. I must have inhaled deeply because she said "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this. Your doctor will be calling with more instructions." After I hung up the phone, I cried for the next hour. All I could think was that I'd been handed a death sentence. I'd watched my mother in law go through breast cancer years before and had seen the way the Cancer consumed her body. How was I going to tell my husband? How was I going to tell my children? I'd been hiding for so long but now Cancer had found me. ©Bonnie Annis all rights reserved
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