The way I feel

Over breakfast this morning, my daughter and I were discussing my blog. I mentioned that I didn't quite know what I wanted to write about today and she made a wonderful suggestion. She said, "Mom, why don't you just post a photo?" She knows how much I love photography. After thinking about it, I decided it was a great idea! Now to find just the perfect photo to use.

As I was perusing through several of my photography catalogs, I came across this photo, taken on a recent trip to Florida. It seemed just perfect for conveying how I'm feeling today! I had taken this photo early one morning. A large white Egret was preening in the bay. As I watched him, I knew he would provide interesting subject matter for my photograph. I got my camera set up and waited for the perfect shot. It was a misty morning, the sun had yet to fully rise in the sky, and the bay was picturesque. The water was so peaceful and serene, barely a ripple broke the surface. The Egret washed himself slowly and deliberately making sure to clean ever single feather. After he had completed his bath, he began to flap his wings. At first they would open just a little bit and then, he began to flap them wildly as if to dry himself off quickly. I was so happy to catch him with wings spread wide and to top it off; I was also able to capture his reflection in the water.

This photograph is symbolic of my cancer journey thus far. Since surgery, I've been home recuperating, taking it easy...waiting. For the past few weeks, I'd been waiting for the test results that would indicate whether or not chemotherapy would be part of my treatment plan. I'd been worrying and praying at the same time. Yesterday, when I got the news that I would not need to have chemo, I was ecstatic! That's why I chose this photograph to represent how I'm feeling today. If you look at the photograph again, you'll see the bird has his wings outspread as if ready to take off and soar, but his feet are still firmly planted in the watery mire. That's exactly where I am right now...my feet haven't left the ground just yet, but I'm getting ready.

Radiation treatments are just around the corner. I've been told they will take a toll on my body by zapping my energy to an all time low. For the next 6-8 weeks, I'll be in treatment and afterwards, I'll begin the anti hormone therapy which will come with its own set of side effects. I know there's still a rough road ahead, but I'm so thankful I don't have to flood my body with poisonous chemicals. Soon, I'll have finished all the radiation treatments and I'll move on to only having to take oral medication. I can hardly wait for treatments to be over! Just as the Egret is looking at his reflection in the water; I daily see my reflection in the mirror. As I look at myself, I can see great physical changes that have already taken place,  but I know there are more changes to come. The changes ahead will be more extensive than mere physical changes. They will be heart changes, attitude changes, deliberate changes I'll make as a result of this journey. I know God has something great in store for me...I've got my wings poised and ready...one day soon, I'll be soaring high!

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