It is well

This year has been a hard one, probably one of the hardest I've ever experienced in my life thus far to be more accurate. I've tried to understand...tried to accept...tried to trust, but it's been hard. There have been days when I've managed to slide by, not focusing on the hard that's come my way and then there are those dark days...the days that envelope me...the days that overpower me and cause me to look around instead of up...but today, today has been a different day.

Music has always been a huge part of my life. I love the way it speaks to my soul. I could sit for hours and listen to beautiful instrumental music allowing it to wash over me and comfort me with its easiness...the mindlessness of it, never having to focus on a thing, just hearing the melodious notes...tone upon tone, building in a beautiful crescendo until the piece is fading into nothingness. I need music. I don't think I could live without it. Music affects me deeply and so today, I searched. I searched for a song that would be my theme....a song that would share the depth of emotion that I've felt since finding out I have cancer. I wanted a song that would speak to your heart too and help you understand that though the days have been hard, they've also been good. They've been life changing and serene. God has been with me.

The song I chose is called It is well and if you click on the link, you can hear it. It's not the song you think...it's not, "It is well with my soul," although that song is mixed into this rendition. I've always loved the song, "It is well with my soul" by Horatio Spafford. Mr. Spafford was a wealthy Chicago lawyer living in the 18th century. He had a thriving legal practice, a beautiful home, a wife, four daughters and a son. He was also a devout Christian and faithful student of the Scriptures. Mr. Spafford came to write this well known song after a horrible family tragedy where all four of his daughters drowned. His song has spoken to many hearts that have been broken over the years and has spoken to mine too.

When I heard the rendition of "It is well" by Kristine DeMarco and Bethel Music, I knew I'd found my song...a song representative of all I've been through, all I've come through, and where I am currently in my cancer journey. When I first heard her song, I listened to it over and over again and let my soul absorb every word. It was as if I'd found a song that spoke the words of my heart...every single one of them. Words I've cried out to my Savior over the past few days, telling Him how much I love Him...how much I adore Him...how much I trust Him completely.

It hasn't been easy getting to this place in my life. It has taken a great deal of effort to finally be at peace with cancer. I fought it so hard in the beginning until I realized God had chosen it for me. And so today, I can honestly say, it is well with me. It is well that I have cancer. It is well because I know that God is here...right in the middle of my journey. He's never left me. He's been with me since the beginning and through it all, I have learned to trust completely.

There are times when life is so confusing. We wish we could understand everything all at once but instead, God only allows us to get a tiny glimpse of what He's doing. If we struggle and fight against the hard things that come our way, we make the journey even more difficult than it has to be but...if we can learn to lean into the hard and trust God completely, we can learn to say "it is well" and mean it. We can let go of everything that is hindering us and holding us tightly and just relax allowing our soul to become rightly aligned with His heart and one day, one day when He sees fit, He'll show us what the journey was all about. We'll understand completely why we had to endure days of hard and days of pain. We'll be able to look upon the struggle with eyes that see clearly and we can say without reservation..."it is well."

Oh my Savior...I want to be wrapped up in your love. I want to cease struggling against You and learn to just rest. Thank you Father for being so patient with me...so understanding...so loving and kind. You are such a gentle Father and you love me so well. I am thankful I was able to find a song that gave words to my heart's longings. I release all of my worries, all of my unanswered questions, all of myself to You and I say, "it is well, Father, and through it all, I trust You completely." You never change and for that I am grateful. You are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Through it all, my eyes are on You. I choose to trust You, Father, through it all, and I know you hear my prayer and will answer according to your will. Amen.

Click here if you missed the link for the song above! I hope it blessed your heart as it did mine.

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