Bobbing for Boobs

 Yesterday I got a wild hair. Have you ever had one of those? Hubby and I had been stuck indoors for days due to heavy rains and I was tired of it! The sun had finally come out and was shining bright. Everything was drying under the warm summer sun so I said, "Let's go for a hike!" So Hubs and put on our sneakers, grabbed a couple of bottled waters and headed out.

We drove to a nearby nature area. I grabbed my camera (I always have to have my camera with me) and started toward the entrance of the park. We noticed there weren't many cars in the parking lot yet, so it should be easy to get to the trails quickly. Water bottles were tucked into my husband's pants pockets and off we went.

The weather was gorgeous! A bright blue sky with large, white puffy clouds was directly above us. Just off to the side of the trail, there were lush, green plants and on the other side of us was a beautiful river. The beginning of the trail was covered with tree roots and we had to watch our step carefully as it began to meander up and over hills. As we kept moving along, we faced a few more challenges as the trail became steeper and covered in rocks or descended fording small streams. We were so happy to be outdoors, we didn't pay much attention to the temperature but I did notice that I was beginning to "glisten" (Southern Belles don't sweat, they glisten!) and felt my shirt becoming a little damp.

We took a breather upon a large boulder and drank some water. As we stood there, marveling at the beauty of God's creation, we saw a large Great Blue Heron near the water's edge. Quickly, I set up my camera and took the shot...it was perfect! We lingered there a little longer as several other hikers came down the trail and then we decided to move on.

As we came to the end of the first trail, we realized we'd done about 2 miles already according to the park map. We turned around and headed toward the other end of the park so we could catch a new trail and head toward some Civil War ruins. As we continued traversing the roots and rocks, I realized my energy level was starting to wane.

On our way down the trail, we saw families with their little ones playing in the water. There were rope swings and other places for the children to enjoy themselves. We smiled and kept walking. We had a nice rhythm going and didn't want to break our stride.

We walked for over 2 hours and when we had completed every trail in the park, we'd logged about 6 miles of hiking. We meandered out of the park and toward our car. By that time, I was really hot and really tired. The back of my neck was wringing wet and my husband was sweating profusely. As soon as we got into the car, I turned on the air conditioning full blast.

When we got home, I told hubs that I needed to change clothes. I was sticky and wanted to freshen up. I had to ask for help removing my shirt and then, as I slipped my bra and prostheses off, I noticed the inside of my bra (the part that touched my skin) was dirty and damp. The prostheses had slipped out of their place and had gotten a little dirty too. I realized at that point it I shouldn't have worn them, but I was self conscious without them, so I did.

I slid the prostheses out of their pockets in my mastectomy bra and threw the bra in the washer. As I held the fake boobs in my hands, their silicone shape was slimy feeling. I remembered, when I bought them, being told they were washable. I pulled out the instruction manual to read how to do it. The manual said to wash them gently in warm, soapy water and then pat them dry and return them to their cases.

In the bathroom, I filled up the sink with warm water and added a little soap. I was afraid to wash my "girls" for fear of puncturing them so I took my rings off. These things were almost $600 and I definitely didn't want to pop a hole in one of them! Gently, I slid the first breast form into the water. it slipped under the bubbles and then bobbed back up! There in the midst of the bubbles, I saw a pale pinkish tan nipple looking up at me. I'd never noticed that before. There was a flat impression of a nipple on the form. I wondered why it was there because when inserted in the mastectomy bra, it couldn't be seen anyway. Maybe it was just a mental mind game for the wearer of the prosthetic.

Looking at the breast forms moving around in the water, I was suddenly reminded of a childhood memory. It was almost Halloween and we were at a neighbor's house about to begin playing Halloween games. The game I hated most was bobbing for apples. Every time we bent our heads down to grasp the apple, the apple would dip down and slide away. It was a very frustrating game!

The silicone forms were slippery when wet and it was hard to hold onto them. As I tried to wash the first one, it slipped through my fingers more than once. It was like trying to hold onto a slippy, slidey bar of wet soap. Finally, I got the hang of it. This was my first time washing them. I'd had these forms for over a year. Actually, I had never needed to wash them because I had only worn them once or twice before and had never worn them hiking in the summer.

So now, the girls are lying on a hand towel on my bathroom counter as they dry. They look funny lying there. I'm glad my husband is at work so he doesn't have to see them. I think the next time I go hiking, these things are going to stay home in their little pink boxes right where they belong. Sweaty Silicone is not attractive, not in the least.

It's a good thing there's not a game called "Bobbing for Boobs." Number one, I don't think it would be appropriate for children to play. Number two, I think men would enjoy it too much. Number three, the silicone prostheses would probably incur a lot of collateral damage. And number four, it just seems kind of silly, don't you think?

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