An unexpected birthday present

Yesterday was my birthday. This year was more special than most because, I really was thankful to be having a birthday...yes, I was another year older, but I was thankful! I was thankful that I made it to this birthday, because in March, when I found the mass in my breast, I thought surely I would die this year....after all, when we hear the word CANCER don't we immediately associate it with the word DEATH? I know I did. So that's why I was so thankful...I was ALIVE AND NOT DEAD!

The day turned out to be a a good day. Nothing exciting happened really, it was just a peace filled day...that is, until the mail came. Amid the cards, letters, and bills, was a small package. When I opened the package, I was disappointed at this unexpected "present"...a bottle of Tamoxifen.Tamoxifen is a Breast Cancer medication that has been around for about 30 years. It's become the drug of choice for doctors to prescribe for pre-menopausal women with Breast Cancer but for post-menopausal women, like myself, aromatase inhibitors are used instead.

I had been taking an aromatase inhibitor called Arimidex as adjuvant therapy for the Breast Cancer after radiation and surgery. Five to ten years, is what I was told...I'd be taking medication for five to ten...sounded a little like a prison sentence, but hey...you have to do what you have to do to live, don't you? When the Arimidex started making me have really weird symptoms, like mood swings and deep depression, I called the Oncologist. He had me stop taking it immediately and told me to stay off of it for 4 weeks to allow my body to completely get rid of any residual medication. So I did. I thought that was that...no more meds...boy, was I wrong!

I've felt pretty good other than fighting constant fatigue, insomnia, and the Lymphedema. It's been nice not having to deal with the side effects from medication. I don't think I could have made it through those hot flashes, mood swings, depression, and the bone pain much longer. I've enjoyed my mini vacation from medication and wish I could continue forever, but I have to face reality.

It's frustrating knowing that in a couple of weeks, I'll have to start on medication once again. Every single anti-hormone therapy medication has a long list of side effects. To say I'm anxious about starting another one is an understatement. I don't relish the thought of being a medical guinea pig again. Why can't I just do nothing? Why can't I try natural things like going Vegan? Hmmm...I guess that's where trust comes in...I have to learn to trust my doctor and trust that he knows a whole lot more than I do when it comes to treating Cancer.

But how can medication that is known to cause blood clots, strokes, cataracts, hair loss, etc. be a good choice for someone who's already gone through the trauma of having both breasts removed and lymph nodes too? It doesn't make much sense to me, but then, I guess that's why he's the doctor and I'm not. Where do you draw the line though? When do you say enough is enough? It seems I have more questions than answers right now...

My unexpected present wasn't much of a gift after all, that is, unless it prolongs my life...if it can do that, then it will be a wonderful blessing. I guess I'll just have to wait and see...trial and error...that's all I can do. I guess if worse comes to worse, Dr. Feinstein will just have to take me off of this medication and try another. I should be thankful there are medications available to keep the Cancer at bay. I won't look a gift horse in the mouth...no! I'll do as I'm told and hope for the best.

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