Practicing His Presence

I read a blog post the other day that really touched my heart. It was written by another breast cancer survivor, but this woman has terminal stage 4 cancer...hers is much more advanced than mine. She realizes that she celebrates the final moments of her life and as she prepares for Christmas with her family, she's decided, like so many of us with cancer, that this year should be more about presence than presents. In her post, she talks about how the holiday trappings can rob us of our joy if we let it, and I agree with her. Stressing over finding the perfect present is not how I want to spend my Christmas, especially this year. As someone diagnosed with cancer, it's hard not to focus on wondering will this be my last Christmas? Of course, she has much more reason to think that way than I do, since I'm only stage 2B instead of stage 4 but still, it is in the back of our minds. Every moment becomes precious as time ticks quickly by.

Holidays past were filled with Christmas baking and wrapping and shopping. All those things were lots of work and yes, they did bring their own special joy with them but, as a cancer survivor, it's funny how your perspective changes. The materialistic side of Christmas doesn't matter to me any longer, I want something more. I want His presence instead of presents.

In reading my Bible this morning, I was reminded that I shouldn't focus on the past. It's so easy to compare holidays year after year, isn't it? I miss those chaotic, busy Christmases of years gone by, but this year, a quiet Christmas will be nice....a Christmas where I can focus on the main thing...Jesus. 

This year has been filled with unexpected challenges and changes. This year has brought with it both deep sadness and overwhelming joy. To be quite honest, this year is a year I would love to forget, but I cannot. I cannot forget this year because God has used it to test my humility. He has used it to teach me to trust. He has given me this year to grow me into more Christlikeness. But it has been hard. It has been extremely hard. Some days I've done well in meeting the challenges and some days I've failed miserably. But through it all, God has been patient with me. He has loved me through it. He has put people in my path that I would never have met if it weren't for this ugly gift of cancer. 

Our tree will be barren of gifts this year and that's okay, because we have something of much more value underneath our tree. We have the gift of life that God has given to us. We have the gift of love He has provided for us, and we have hearts filled with gratitude at His merciful grace. We won't get tangled up in the trappings of Christmas this year. Instead of ripping off paper and ribbons, we'll unwrap the most perfect gift of all...we'll unwrap Christ. We'll remove our preconceived ideas of what He's doing in our lives and allow Him to work freely...teaching, testing, gleaning, growing. We will practice His presence. 

We can practice His presence by focusing on His attributes, by communing with Him daily, by living in the moment, and trusting Him fully. John Ortberg says:

• God is always present and active in my life, whether or not I see him.
• Coming to recognize and experience God’s presence is learned behavior; I can cultivate it.
• My task is to meet God in this moment.
• I am always tempted to live “outside” of this moment. When I do that, I lose my sense of God’s presence.
• Sometimes God seems far away for reasons I do not understand. Those moments, too, are opportunities to learn.
• Whenever I fail, I can always start again right away.
• No one knows the full extent to which a human being can experience God’s presence.
• My desire for God ebbs and flows, but his desire for me is constant.
• Every thought [and I would add, “feeling”] carries a “spiritual charge” that moves me a little closer to or a little farther from God.
• Every aspect of my life – work, relationships, hobbies, errands – is of immense and genuine interest to God.
• My path to experiencing God’s presence will not look quite like anyone else’s.
• Straining and trying too hard do not help.

Living in the moment has been a recurrent theme of mine this year. God has continually been teaching me that I only have been given the current moment and that is where I should focus. There is literally no way to practice God’s presence if we are being pulled into the past by shame or regret or into the future by worry. The only time in which we meet with God is in the present moment, but very few people actually know how to live there. Hurry and worry are usually what we practice! Oh how freeing it has been to let go of the past, release the future, and live life in the present. It has been the most wonderful of blessings to learn also that practicing His presence in the moment is exactly how He desires us to live.

Brother Lawrence, a monk who served in Paris during the seventeenth century, in his first letter, says: "when we are faithful to keep ourselves in His holy Presence, and set Him always before us, this not only hinders our offending Him, and doing anything that may displease Him, at least wilfully, but it also begets in us a holy freedom, and if I may so speak, a familiarity with GOD, wherewith we ask, and that successfully, the graces we stand in need of. In fine, by often repeating these acts, they become habitual, and the presence of GOD is rendered as it were natural to us."

Jesus understood fully that He was to have the mind of Christ. He always focused on His Father's will. Practicing God's presence allows us to experience fully the type of relationship God intends for us to have with Him. It isn't something that comes easily; it does take practice. If you've never practiced the presence of God, you can start today. One of the best ways to start is to focus on His goodness and mercy. Admit that you long to have Him be Lord of your life. Listen to that still small voice that guides and directs you into His ways of holiness. Take it moment by moment. As you relinquish your will to His, you will find that practicing His presence becomes easier and easier every day.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

   

^"8 Come close to God and He will come close to you. [Recognize that you are] sinners, get your soiled hands clean; [realize that you have been disloyal] wavering individuals with divided interests, and purify your hearts [of your spiritual adultery]." James 4:8

 ^"18 Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old.¹⁹ Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19