Last night I slept alone

I missed him last night...missed his snoring...missed his warmth, but it was my decision. Since surgery last week, it's been so hard to sleep. A healing incision and constant pain don't make good bedfellows. I'm a side sleeper and that makes it even more of a challenge. For nights, I've piled pillows all around me and my poor husband has held on to his tiny sliver of bed tightly. He's been so generous to give me most of the space but I couldn't allow it to continue. "How unfair," I thought to myself. I did my best to keep my pillows close around me so they didn't encroach on his territory but inevitably, they'd slip and slide over into his space. I felt so guilty. Trying to keep those pillows corralled while working to sleep on my back and deal with the pain became too much to bear. I had to come to a decision and that I did.

It wasn't easy to make the decision to sleep in another room. (This would make the second time we'd slept apart in our own home. The first time was right after my initial surgery. I wrote a little about that experience,too, and you can read about it here. ) I like the comfort of knowing my husband is right beside me. It makes me feel safe and secure, but we talked about it and decided it was worth a shot.

So after our late night television show was over, he carried all of my pillows into the guest room for me. I watched as he arranged them the best he could on the bed. We kissed each other goodnight and he turned to walk back to our bedroom. He looked sad but neither of us said anything.

I crawled into bed and rearranged the pillows. After a little reading, I fell asleep. This morning, when the sun peeked through my window, I knew it was time to get up. I looked around this small, little room and realized it hadn't been as bad as I'd thought to sleep apart from my hubby. I'd gotten a pretty good night's sleep and I hadn't worried about trying to keep the pillows corralled. I hadn't heard one single solitary snore all night long. Knowing he was just on the other side of the house made me feel a little better. It also made me laugh as I thought about what it would be like to have had 2 twin sized beds in our room instead of one California King. We'd have been like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo.

As a child, I remember watching the "I Love Lucy Show." Back in the early 60's, television was careful about even hinting about sexuality much less openly displaying it. I never gave a thought to seeing Lucy and Ricky's separate beds, and maybe that's because I was a child. I'm sure the adults noticed it more than we did. Lucy said, years after the series: "Despite sleeping in separate beds throughout the entire series, Lucy and Ricky slept in two beds pushed together in the same box spring during the first two seasons of the show. Once Little Ricky was born, however, CBS suggested the beds be pushed apart as to diminish any hint of a sexual relationship between the Ricardo's. Despite this, however, from time to time, especially after moving in to the bigger apartment in the Mertz building, the beds would occasionally be seen pushed together again."

I don't know if this separate bed thing will become permanent or if it will just be for a few short weeks. I need to talk to my husband and see how he felt about our being apart last night. For now, the arrangement is copacetic. If we do decide to sleep apart, we'll just use separate rooms. I'm not about to get rid of my king size bed in favor of 2 twin beds. I'm sure there are many couples in America who opt for sleeping in separate beds or bedrooms, but I don't know of many. It's not something people feel comfortable discussing and it's not really proper to ask about either.

The decision to sleep in separate rooms came a little easier under the circumstance of my recent surgery. It also helped that we've been married for 22 years and we're secure in our love for each other. If we'd been newlyweds, I'm sure one or both of us would have put up a little more fight. But hey, the reality is, we're an old married couple and we've learned to handle whatever life throws at us. If it works for us, that's all that matters.


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