Another one prepares to go home

Kara and her husband, Jason

As you've read in an earlier post, I have been following the life stories of several other breast cancer survivors. There's a type of understanding between breast cancer patients and we share a unique type of sisterhood, even when most of us have never even met. Earlier this year, I lost an internet friend, Christina Newman, a young woman, not even 40, who lost her valiant fight with breast cancer. I had followed her online story for months and months. I felt like I knew her well and I was honored to have email exchanges with her. She was so gracious to provide answers to my questions and offer helpful advice. That's just something breast cancer survivors do...we support each other. Those who are a little further along in their journey freely offer help to "newbies."

Not long after I found Christina on the internet, I found Kara Tippetts. The main difference in their journeys was that Kara was a Christian while Christina was not. Both of their daily blogs offered me a wealth of information and I chose to follow them daily. Today, I was sad to learn that Kara, another young breast cancer survivor and mother of 4 young children, has begun the journey home. Today her husband made arrangements for hospice to come and care for Kara. It was so hard to believe. Again, my heart was broken knowing that another "pink sister" would be going home soon.

Kara during chemo treatments

Death is such an integral part of life and as a Christian, it is a wonderful reminder that this is not our home, but facing that reality is very difficult. Kara has braved the hard in her life so well. She wrote a book called "The Hardest Peace," which chronicled her journey and she has spoken over and over again at women's conferences and churches sharing her deep faith in hopes of helping others understand how to live life to the fullest even when things are difficult. In her book, Kara says, "This is not a book about trying to win the hardest story. This is a book about a broken woman on the journey to know the hardest peace. Peace in the midst of hard. I speak both generally and specifically of hard, because hard is often the vehicle Jesus uses to meet us, point us to that peace, and teach us grace."

Kara has been an inspiration to me because as a Christ follower, I have been able to travel the road she's on with her while facing my own breast cancer battle. Reading her blog posts and "watching" her take each day moment by moment has given me a wonderful hope that I can travel through my journey just as gracefully as she has even though our journeys are very different.

Kara has been transparent in her sharing. She's shared the good along with the bad and that's her way of helping others see that she is "real." As a breast cancer survivor, one of our main objectives in our journey is to help others know that we aren't vastly different from anyone else. We don't possess super human strength. We don't have an extra measure of courage...but as Christians, we do have a wonderful gift of never-ending hope. We know that no matter how difficult the path becomes, we are never alone.

I am thankful for the internet and the various cancer survivors who have chosen to share their stories through blogs. When I started my blog at the onset of my journey, my goal was to use it as a way to process everything that was happening to me. I wanted to use it as a catharsis. I needed a place to write down what I was feeling and as I did, I found an overwhelming desire to share what God was teaching me in my life too. Like Kara, I began to understand that even though God had allowed this hard to come into my life, He had a wonderful reason...a perfect plan...and although I didn't understand it, He was going to use it to forever change my life and hopefully the lives of others too.

Kara's children

I will be lifting up Kara and her husband, Jason, in the days ahead. As they begin to accept that Kara's time on earth is drawing to a close, I will ask God to bless them with an extra measure of His love. I will pray for His comfort to surround them and envelope them. I will pray He sends people to love on them and help them through each moment. I will also pray for their 4 sweet little ones. Oh how difficult it will be on them to lose their Mommy. Won't you please join me in praying for them? If you would like to know more about their story, you can read Kara's blog. I'll put the link at the end of this post but please know, she more than likely will become too weak to continue writing in the days ahead.

One day my story could end the way hers does. None of us expect to die so soon and when we least expect it... but as Christians, we know that only God knows the number of days He has planned for each of us to be on this earth. We have to trust that He will only call us home when He is ready for us. Cancer is a scary thing. Cancer is a very difficult thing. But I know that God is so much bigger and so much stronger than cancer could ever be and I am trusting in Him with everything I have inside of me. He is my hope and I know He is trustworthy and true.

Read Kara's blog

Read Kara's book, the Hardest Peace

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Good Distractions

This weekend, my sweet daughter, Jamie, came to stay with us. It's always fun to have Jamie come and visit. Her youthful energy explodes as she enters the front door. Oh, how I've missed that! She doesn't get to come as often as she'd like since she lives a good distance away. I'm thankful she comes when she can and she always makes a point of only wanting to spend time with me while she's here. She doesn't come with a pre-planned agenda of going shopping or sightseeing or anything like that...she's just happy to be here spending special moments with her Mama. She doesn't know how much that means to me and yes, she's my baby.

Each of my four children are very different. My son, Dave, is the oldest. He's quiet most of the time but has a very funny sense of humor, the kind that sneaks up on you. He's like a still pond, where the waters run deep. He doesn't share his feelings often, but he is very pensive. He's an incredibly hard worker and has worked two jobs for years to provide for his family. He's a dedicated husband and a devoted father. I am so proud of him. My daughter, Erin, is the second born. She and I are so much alike in many ways. She's a wonderful wife and mother. She homeschools three little ones and will soon grace us with another grandchild. She is like a mountain stream, constant and flowing. She is full of wisdom and encouragement. Then there's Laura, my third child. She is strong, determined, and independent. She started life that way as a kicking and screaming newborn. She is a good wife and doting mother. She is my responsible one, the one who is always willing to be at the ready when needed. And last but not least, there's Jamie, my soon to be 27 year old baby. Jamie is soft hearted and kind. She is easily hurt. She has a heart of mercy and like me, is always pulling for the underdog. Each of my children have character traits that remind me so much of myself but each of them are so very different. They are all wonderful! They are such blessings and I am so proud of each of them.

When I look at my children, though they are 38, 32, 30, and almost 27, I still see them as they were when they were younger. Maybe all mothers do this, I don't know...but I long to hold onto those childhood years...the ones that pass by so quickly. Where did the days go? How did they slip away so fast? One moment they were running barefoot through the house giggling and laughing...the next they were grown with little ones of their own. Life moves too quickly and that's one reason, I treasure the special moments I get to spend alone with each of my children. I'm afraid that too soon, those moments will disappear forever.

Last night we celebrated Jamie's 27th birthday a few days early. We had a nice dinner followed by cake and ice cream. As I lit the candles on her cake and prepared to snap a photo as she blew them out, I was filled with emotion. Just a few months ago, I had wondered if I would be here for her birthday, for Thanksgiving, and for Christmas. Cancer does crazy things to your mind. Now, as I watched her pucker up to blow, I was so thankful. I was thankful that I had lived and thankful that I was able to celebrate another milestone in her life.

After we'd had our dessert, we decided to watch a movie together...sweet family time...just Phil, Jamie and I...a simple pleasure. Jamie chose the movie for us, a fairly new release, "The Fault in Our Stars." The movie was about teenagers going through various types of Cancer and how even in the midst of such pain and tragedy, they found love. The movie was thought provoking and a little difficult to watch, especially since I had just recently completed my radiation treatments for Breast Cancer.

One character in the movie, "Gus," was filled with such positivity and reminded me that no matter what my circumstances, I should always choose to be happy. As Gus and "Hazel Grace," the main character of the movie, intertwined their life stories, it was interesting to note that love indeed does conquer all. The story doesn't end the way you think it will and I won't give away the ending for those who haven't seen it yet, but it was a tear jerker. Jamie, Phil, and I were all sniffling by the time the movie ended. The movie made us realize that life is fleeting and we need to savor moments with those we love.

In the movie, there's one scene in particular where Gus, who has Osteosarcoma, puts an unlit cigarette to his lips. Hazel Grace, dying of lung cancer, looks at him in disgust and says, "how could you?" Gus smiles and says, “It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.” What a profound statement. It really made me think. Since my diagnosis of Breast Cancer, I had given it power. I had given it power to steal joy in my life. I had given it power to invoke fear in my life. Now it was time to take that power back. God reminded me that only He is the one who decides when my life is over. Only He knows the number of my days. So, instead of wondering and fearing that I will miss special moments with my children or grandchildren...instead of fearing that I won't be around for the holidays, I am going to just choose life. I am going to live as long as God will allow me to live and when it's time for me to go, I'll be ready.

Thank you, God, for my beautiful, wonderful children...for blessing me beyond measure...for keeping them safe and growing them up into marvelous, healthy, happy adults. Thank you for reminding me that I had given away power that wasn't mine to give...that I had allowed fear to overwhelm me at times but just like Gus in the movie, it was just a metaphor and now that killing thing, the Cancer, had been removed from my life by surgery and zapped by radiation. It was also going to be doused with anti hormone drugs that would render it powerless to multiply and grow inside me. It can only have the power to kill if God allows it to have that power, and I am trusting Him for complete healing.

There will be days when the fear tries to rear its ugly head and when it does, I'm going to remember the quote from the movie..."It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.” Fear only has power when we give in to it, so it's my job to fight the urge to give in.

Jamie left this morning. She had a Sunday School class to teach. The topic of her lesson was on love and how Christ commands us to love even our enemies. I'm so proud of her. She's my baby and even when she turns 27 on Wednesday, I'll still see her as my little girl. Love makes life so precious!

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8