Learning to accept my physical limitations

Boy, cancer has taught me many things over the last year and it continues to teach me even today. The lessons aren't always pleasant or easy, but they are valuable. My current lesson is learning how to face and accept my physical limitations.

Yesterday, I decided to reupholster my dining room chairs. Although I'd only had them a year, the original fabric was showing some signs of wear. Since I'm always looking for a new project to do,
voilà! So, I headed to the fabric store in search of the perfect material.

Perusing the aisles, I found a beautiful olive green upholstery fabric that would match the green in my Persian wool rug. I was thankful the material was on sale, because the original price tag indicated it was $49.99 a yard! The current sale listed the fabric at 50% off! Since  the upholstery fabric was almost 5 feet wide, I only needed 2 yards to cover 6 chairs. At the counter, when I went to check out, the store manager saw me frantically searching my cell phone for a coupon. She told me if I visited their website, I'd find an additional "20% off your entire purchase" coupon available. I snatched that coupon in a hurry and saved a whopping 70% off my fabric...WOOHOO! 

When I got home, I couldn't wait to get started on my project. I asked my husband if he'd help by taking the seats out of the chairs for me. I knew I wasn't going to be able to twist and turn the screwdriver to remove all the screws in 6 chairs. He was so sweet to help and had the chair bottoms removed in a flash. 

Taking the huge bolt of fabric, my husband helped me lay the fabric out on the living room floor. It was the only place I could think of to maneuver, measure, and cut. I took the first seat and lay it on the upholstery fabric measuring the length and width carefully. Next, I began cutting 6 pieces of fabric. After I had all the fabric pieces completed, I began to work on the first chair. 

Reupholstering chair seats is fairly easy. I've done it many times before and planned to complete all 6 chairs in just an hour or so. A staple gun helped make the work quick but as I began pulling and tugging on the fabric to stretch it into place, I realized it wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. It was challenging to press down hard on the end of the staple gun while holding the thick upholstery fabric in place. The first several shots were misfires...the staples either didn't go in all the way or were bent. It was going to take a lot more pressure to get them in properly, so I kneeled over and put as much weight as I could on the end of the gun. Pressing more firmly allowed the staples to penetrate the fabric more easily. 

I worked for about 30 minutes on the first seat. I found myself struggling to get through it. My arms were swelling quickly and I just didn't have the strength to continue. I took a break and rested. It was so frustrating to realize I just didn't have the ability to do the things I used to do. I felt like a weakling...a failure. I shouldn't have to be resting after only working on one seat cushion. 

Talking with my husband, I shared my disappointment. He reassured me that I would get the project done eventually. I might not get all the chair cushions covered in one day, like I had planned, but I could do one or two. 

I'm a type A personality so I like to finish things I start and finish them quickly. I have a hard time admitting defeat. I didn't like having to take a break and prop my arms up to reduce the swelling. I felt like a spoiled rotten little kid who didn't get her way. I wanted to stamp my feet and shout, "no fair!" Instead, I sat in my recliner, with pillows under each arm, until the swelling went down. As soon as it did, I got back down on the floor to complete another chair. 

It wasn't easy to accept the defeat of not completing the entire set of chairs in one day, but at least I got two covered. My husband screwed the seats back into place and we both sat back to marvel at how nice they looked. I was pleased with my work and although I would have preferred to have been looking at 6 completed chairs, 2 was okay for today. I knew I had done all I could do. I couldn't have done more even if I'd pushed myself. My body was worn out. 

I'm making progress! Slowly, but surely, I'm realizing I have to make concessions and listen to my body. I'll admit, sometimes I don't like it. I know it isn't wise to press beyond my limitations. I've learned what happens when I do that and I always suffer afterwards. I'd rather take things a little slower and make steady progress than cause myself undue pain. I guess that's a sign of maturity and it's high time I grow up a little, even if I don't really want to!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Learning to live well

Kara Tippetts fighting for the last days of her life

Celebrating life. How many of us do that on a daily basis? I'd venture to say not many. Most of us go through life routinely without giving a second thought to tomorrow but there's no guarantee it will come.

Yesterday, I attended a wedding. It was a wonderful time of celebration. Family and friends had come to share in the joy of the young couple. It was a time filled with laughter and love.

I sat at my table watching the faces of those around me...just watching. I loved seeing the radiant smiles and watching mouths burst into laughter. Joy. Beautiful, happiness overflowing.

Constant conversation filled the room with an electric buzz as people who hadn't seen each other in a long time played catch up. Words were flying right and left. As I watched and listened, I noticed there were a few who sat in the room in corners, lonely. My heart broke for them. As the celebration continued, I realized we were celebrating not only a wedding, but life in general.

As we were driving to the wedding earlier that afternoon, we had passed a cemetery. As I glanced over that way, I noticed a family burying a loved one. As we drove on, I thought deeply about life and death. We were on our way to a wedding to celebrate the lives of those joining together in Holy matrimony while this family was grieving over the loss of someone they loved dearly. Thinking about their grief caused me to think about Kara once again.

Kara Tippetts is an internet friend. A little over 2 years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had the honor of connecting with her a little over 8 months ago, right after I was first diagnosed. She has been a wonderful encourager to me...a mentor...a sister in Christ. Kara has a wonderful gift of writing and she's written a book called The Hardest Peace. It's the story of her journey through stage 4 breast cancer and how her faith has carried her through it. She's fought hard for the past couple of years and now, her weakened body doesn't have much fight left in it. She has been in Hospice care since March 2. She knows her days are numbered and still, even in the midst of pain and suffering, she chooses to honor God by walking with Him in faith. Kara is such an inspiration to me. I've kept up with her story daily through Facebook and through her blog, Mundane Faithfulness. It's evident by the recent posts that Kara's earthly story will soon end.

I watched joy fill the room of the tiny church and at the same time, my heart filled with grief knowing that Kara's family was clinging to every single moment they had left with her. They all know it's coming. Kara and her husband, Jason, have prepared the children to face the day it does come, but that doesn't make it any easier. How do you say goodbye to your best friend? How do you let go of your mother's hand forever? How do you slip quietly out of this chaotic world and into the glorious peace of the next? Kara knows. She's walked with faith from day one. Faith will carry her home.

As the wedding festivities wound down and people began to leave, I noticed each person left smiling. There had been such joy at the wedding. When we got into our car to leave, I noticed headstones in front of us. We'd had to park just in front of the church's cemetery. This jolted me back into thinking about Kara. Soon her family would be burying her but there was going to be a huge difference in her homegoing. Surely, it would be a time filled with grief, but it would also be a time of celebration. Kara's faith would long to rejoice at being fulfilled in her transition from this world into the presence of her Father. The death of a believer is beautiful because we know they are finally home with the Lord. The Bible tell us that the earth is not our home. We're just passing through. And that should give us great peace.

I watched Kara's video when I got home from the wedding. It made me cry because her story is so similar to mine. At the very end of the video, Kara makes a statement that touched my heart deeply.
"...In this today, I get to live well." ~Kara Tippetts

Living well. What does that look like? To me, living well, was clearly defined after I'd received my diagnosis of cancer. God helped me realize that every moment He'd ever given me was precious. I had wasted many of them but from the day of my diagnosis forward, I'd promised Him that I wouldn't waste any more...that I'd count each moment precious and in so doing, I'd learn to live my life well. Kara must have discovered the same thing. It's amazing how being faced with death changes your perspective.

You can learn to live well now. Don't wait for a brush with death to learn this valuable lesson. Love the ones God's placed in your life. Treasure each minute of your day. Don't take things for granted! Life is a precious gift and usually, you only get one chance at getting it right.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to watch this short video of Kara's life. I pray you can hear the fear and faith in her voice...the faith is so much stronger. I hope you can feel the pain present in her loved ones eyes. I hope you will see what it means to learn to live well.

Every day we have an opportunity to celebrate. We may not have a wedding to attend, but we can celebrate life by celebrating love. God has blessed us with such amazing grace and He has given us the beauty of love through family or friends. Look for things to celebrate. They're all around you. You woke up this morning didn't you? That's something to celebrate!

Watch a short video on Kara's journey

© bonnie annis all rights reserved